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Lynn O’Shaughnessy
Deadbeat Parents Who Won’t Help Pay for College
I got an email over the weekend from a dad named Dan, who is darn proud of himself for making his children pay for their own college education.
I don’t think he should be congratulating himself. In fact, he should be worried that the federal government will discover what his family is doing to get taxpayers to underwrite his children’s college degrees.
Dan was reacting to a post on my college blog that discussed the plight of students whose parents refuse to pay for college even if they can afford to help. The post mentioned parents who made $130,000, but who had saved just $8,000 for college so their twins were going to have to pick up the rest of the cost. Here is that post:
Qualifying as an Independent Student
I don’t know how much Dan makes, but he believes his kids — he’s got seven!! – should pick up their own tab. Here is part of his note:
Wah, wah, wah. The youngsters today expect everything and cry if they don’t get it. I expect my children to pay for their own college just like I did. Suck it up babies, you are not getting a free ride to college, you will actually need to work your way through. “Work”, what a concept, you don’t know what it means yet, but you will. And if you are paying for the books and the tuition maybe you will realize that spending hard earned money on beer parties isn’t smart, LOL.
Dan then goes on to say that two of his children are in college right now and they successfully claimed independent status. He had them work for one year after high school, live at a different address and then apply as independent students.
Here is what Dan wrote about his strategy:
It’s not difficult or impossible for an 18 year old to be declared an independent as Lynn O’Shaughnessy, the author of that ridiculous article, has indicated. If you are out of high school, all you have to do is “work” for minimum wage for one year and have a physical address in your name for that year and your parents can’t have claimed you on their taxes. The FASFA and pin is exclusive to the 18 year old who has been independent for the last 12 months. The 18 year old will start college when he or she is 19 after having worked in the real world for one year. The reason I know this, is because I have 2 of my seven children in college right now as independents and that is how it works. Lynn is giving inaccurate information, which is making all the youngsters cry. Shame on you Lynn
It’s Not Easy to Become an Independent Student
When filling out the FAFSA, the federal form asks numerous questions to determine if a child should be classified as an independent or dependent student. If the child isn’t 24, married or a military veteran, the chances of being an independent student is just about nil. Moving out of the house and living independently, as Dan’s children are doing, is irrelevant. It also doesn’t matter if the parents stopped claiming the students on their income tax form. They are still dependents. It is a federal crime, by the way, to lie on the FAFSA.
If becoming an independent student was as easy as packing up the car, moving into an apartment and supporting him or herself for a year, I’m sure millions of students would try the same thing. Of course, if that happened taxpayers like us would be footing the bill for deadbeat parents, who want others to pay for their children’s college degree.
Qualifying as an independent student means that taxpayers are underwriting the college degree for Dan’s children. Students who are considered independent only have to use their own income to qualify for financial aid and most of the time that’s going to be quite low. Low enough to qualify for federal and state grants and possibly institutional money from the schools themselves.
What It Takes to Qualify as an Independent Person
I’ve actually gotten three emails in the last few days from people who wondered if certain students could qualify as independent. One came from a sister and her husband who took in her 20-year-old brother after the parents, who earn a good living, refused to help with college. They were wondering if the young man would qualify as independent since he is living with them or if the student could use their lower earnings for financial aid purposes. Sorry, but that won’t work.
How to Qualify As an Independent Student
You have to answer “yes” to at least one of these question to be considered an independent student:
- Are you at least 24 years old?
- As of today, are you married?
- At the beginning of the 2012-2013 school year, will you be working on a master’s or doctorate program (such as an MA, MBA, MD, JD, PhD, EdD, or graduate certificate, etc.)?
- Are you currently serving on active duty in the U.S. Armed Forces for purposes other than training?
- Are you a veteran of the U.S. Armed Forces?
- Do you have children who will receive more than half of their support from you between July 1, 2009, and June 30, 2010?
- Do you have dependents (other than your children or spouse) who live with you and who receive more than half of their support from you, now and through June 30, 2010?
- At any time since you turned age 13, were both your parents deceased, were you in foster care or were you a dependent or ward of the court?
- Are you, or were you an emancipated minor as determined by a court in your state of legal residence?
- Are you, or were you in legal guardianship as determined by a court in your state of legal residence?
- At any time on or after July 1, 2008, did your high school or school district homeless liaison determine that you were an unaccompanied youth who was homeless?
- At any time on or after July 1, 2008, did the director of an emergency shelter or transitional housing program funded by the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development determine that you were an unaccompanied youth who was homeless?
- At any time on or after July 1, 2008, did the director of a runaway or homeless youth basic center or transitional living program determine that you were an unaccompanied youth who was homeless
Learn More…
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I am 40 years out of school.
Back then it cost me about $20k
My parents gave me $500 ever.
My senior year they bought a new boat and concealed it. It cost more than my education.
I ran about 1000 bucks short.
I asked my grandfather a multi- millionaire for help. He wouldn’t. Later I learned it wasn’t me. He had given money to my dad for the boat. He was angry at my dad about it. And thought his refusal would cause my dad to to help me. It didn’t.
I feel sorry for kids who could get some help from parents yet they are so self absorbed. That they don’t
The concealment in my case took the cake. Over the decades I pieced it together and much more.
I could write a book about greedy silent generation parents.
Wait a minute – are you saying that when my parents saved a total of $1,000 to pay all costs for four years at Harvard for me, plus gave me $0.10 per week as an allowance, that was NOT more than any other parents had ever done for any other child, anywhere? My mother was so very adamant that it was. In the suburbs around twenty miles west of Boston.
After reading down the comments a bit, I couldn’t help but notice all the selfish Boomers who call Millennials spoiled and entitled. Sickening. Reminds me of my parents who saved nothing for my education, never offered to help, never offered me their home beyond 18, spent bonds that were left for me by great grandparents on themselves, refused to fill out the FAFSA, kept me on their taxes until I was 26(independent age used to be 26 not sure when it changed to 24), and refused to cosign any loans.
By the time I was 26 I had been working for 8 years and it seemed pointless to go to college. In particular, that I was making $46k/yr by that time, living in one of the most expensive metros in the country. Not able to qualify for any significant loans and spending everything I had on keeping a roof over my head. I am now in my late 30s with a career that got outsourced to India and a business that failed due to Covid restrictions with no prospects and employers who don’t want to hire because I’m “overqualified. ”
I tried going to college straight out of high school but the lack of support made it pretty well impossible. Its absolutely unfair that an 18 year old adult can be considered a dependent so late on with no actual financial support. Even worse that so many Boomer parents with the means see it as perfectly okay to pawn their children’s education off on the taxpayers many of whom were denied this opportunity themselves.
Ageism at it’s finest, unfortunately.
This thread looks dead but I’m feeling *compelled* to respond since there’s so many deadbeat parents up in here.
I’m completely mystified by the unwillingness to put your children at an advantage if you have the means. Working through college means that the student forcibly forgoes essential parts of the college experience: meeting with professors during office hours, participating in student organizations, conducting independent research, going above and beyond in class. I’m wondering what deadbeat parents imagine their child’s workweek looks like from semester to semester. Do they anticipate that a mere fifteen hours working at Starbucks is sufficient? When even full time service workers can barely afford rent let alone the astronomical costs of higher education?
My parents sat me down at the beginning of my senior year in high school (this was in 2006 — you know what happens next) to tell me that they had set aside all of $10,000 for me for college. I had set aside myself some $7000 working for my dad throughout high school and then at a pharmacy my senior year. After my first semester, I was in serious need of financial aid, so I asked my parents to fill out the fafsa. They initially refused, saying that it was a privacy concern. They finally did so, but refused to show me or talk to me about what they could afford in assistance, since they did not actually intend on assisting me. I can’t say for certain what their finances looked like, but I know at the very least that their wealth disqualified me from any of the grants. All that I was eligible for were loans, which at age 32 I am still paying back.
So I worked all through undergrad and graduate school, typically 25-hour weeks. I would wake up at 5:30 am to open the coffee shop by 7, work until noon, and then head to campus, where I would struggle to stay awake during class. I would fit in essay writing late at night or would skip classes. It was rare that I was able to meet professors outside of class, and for that reason, I think they also assumed that I wasn’t taking the class as seriously as the more available students. I managed a 3.8 GPA and was awarded a 10k scholarship at one point, and was also awarded a partial scholarship for graduate school — but really the damage was done. I hadn’t had enough time with my studies, with my professors, and with my cohorts, to really make use of the system.
I think that deadbeat parents lived in this fantasy world where it was enough to show up and they could look forward to advancement. The reality is that competition for scholarships, job opportunities, work studies, internships, etc., is so cut-throat, that unless the student has their parents behind them (and their parents happen to be rather wealthy), the pressure to perform coupled with the financial stress is so overwhelming and often impossible to swim against. I don’t see any benefit to having had to work during my studies at all. All I see looking back is a lot of missed opportunities, some depression, a lot of fatigue. And this bizarre resume in which I lived this parallel life: on the one side, barista, then bartender, then wine buyer and on the other dual English Lit and French language major, then a masters in translation, and then literary agent. I’ve stretched myself thin and excelled at nothing. I’m still paying back loans, all with stupid interest rates, which means there’s no chance that I’ll be buying a house unless I leave the country (which is a serious consideration).
All I know is that I would never put my child through that. It is mind-boggling, mystifying to me, that parents would burden their children with this cost. Or at the very least, not do their best to help. I sat in an Uber once and almost started crying when the driver told me that he is driving to help his son with tuition — it was so utterly foreign to my experience. It has since made it very hard for me to turn to my parents in times of need. For them to have washed their hands of me during a period that was so difficult and so intense, and with this almost airy delusion that they were doing what was best for me, and feeling righteous in denying what to me seems to be something that a parent should *want* to provide for their child: a leg up on a future.
Its called getting a job going to school full time cannot do that maybe too childish immature. My kids did they fine I taught them a valuable lesson not rely on me to pay for shit they need to pay on their own. It called being a grown up not be a spoiled brat has to rely on everyone else.
I doubt they talk to you often, they are probably drowning in debt and will dump you in a state retirement home after you blow through your savings.
I suppose you’ll have the same mindset when it comes time for eldercare for yourself?
At what point do you and from what I’ve read many in your age group feel it’s your (collective and individual) responsibility to grow up, be responsible and pay your ways in life? No one paid for my parents’ college (my mom had a scholarship and my dad was military). No one paid for my college education (I joined the Navy after high school. The Navy paid for my college (and I worked on the side) and I ended up retiring after 32 years of naval service). No one paid for my two kids college (they did a combination of ROTC, athletics, various athletic scholarships, and they worked). College is not a right. It’s a privilege that is for adults and must be earned. Now I did help my kids with things like keeping them on my medical benefits, clothing, each got a car for college (not new cars, but a good used cars (my daughter is still totally attached to her truck), and every now and then some money for spending) but I didn’t just fork over the costs of a college education. Why? Because something given has no value. Something that is truly earned and worked for….has value beyond money.
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My parents make a combined $300,000+Bonus per year and absolutely refuse to put any money toward anything for their 3 kids. They live in a swanky nyc apartment, own a new bmw and lexus, and travel first-class at least once per month and internationally at least twice per year. I’m also aware of $700,000 that they have in stocks. Not only do they refuse to help financially, they refused to let any of us become independents. Apparently, the “tax break” they get every year by claiming my siblings is $10,000 per child. The icing on the cake is FAFSA not awarding us any financial aid. The estimated family contribution calculated by FAFSA for my sister ONLY, was $60,000 for the 2019 school year.
Both of their parents paid their college tuition, so they’ve never had student loans. They say that there’s no way to be successful and develop a good work ethic without struggling. (But they never did????)
My sister in is a full time student in Los Angeles, and works 60 hour weeks to pay her $5000 per month tuition bill, car note and car insurance. It’s absolutely killing her.
She was evacuated due to the wildfires in CA. She walked out of her dorm to everything on campus on fire. (The pictures and videos gave me chills.) By herself, she had to grab only what she could carry and RUN to her car – She barely made it. Upon arrival back to her dorm days later, the entire floor had been robbed. Did my parents offer to fly out to be with her? Did my parents offer to get her a hotel room for the night? Did my parents call the school? Did my parents say “Honey, are you okay?” The answer is no. They did not show one ounce of interest. And when my sister asked for gas money to drive a couple hours away to get to safety? They gave her a lecture on how she’s irresponsible. After a fucking wildfire. After having her dorm robbed. After stiffing her with a $5000 per month tuition bill. They didn’t give her a dime. And this is one of dozens of stories.
The stress of being financially independent from 18 caused me to drop out of college at 20 – I’m finally 25 and can apply to FAFSA without my parent’s information. 5 years later.
In this situation, both of our parents are selfish, controlling, narcissistic sociopaths who should’ve never been allowed to have children. They use money as a means to control.
Also, there is no entitlement here. All of us worked from the time we were 16. We’ve always paid for our own clothes, shoes, food, gas, etc. We aren’t crazy party animals, we’re not alcoholics or drug addicts, and we volunteer in the community.
I look forward to putting them in a nursing home.
I look forward to u putting them in a nursing home too. They sound fucking awful and I’m sorry u have such shit parents :/
One of my relatives kids wants to go to college. My relative, and husband moved to a remote area where there are no jobs. They live in a shed. They received a sizable inheritance 6 mos ago. Think they blew it, now asking for donations from family to pay for the kid’s tuition, not planing to pay back the relatives. I refused to pay unless I was paid back.
I sent a lot of information re: grants, student loans, and online courses. Basically, I got the finger, but I know where I stand as someone they wanted to use.You really have to encourage younger family members to start planning for college at a young age by saving their money, and earning money like yard mowing etc. When people see that they are helping themselves those people may be more likely to kick in some cash with no pay back.
Report them for fraud and let the IRS ream them.
You need to publicly shame them. Narcissists only respond to public/social shaming. Make sure their coworkers and neighbors know how horrible they are.
If hard work is something you and your sibling(s) are accustomed to then surely you shouldn’t have any trouble working your way through college. It might take you a few years longer to graduate, but when you do you’ll have the knowledge of knowing you….yes YOU absolutely earned everything you achieved and that knowledge and the skill set that comes with that knowledge will set you up for great successes in your life. Remember college is not a right. It’s an adult privilege that like most if not all “privileges” must be paid for. Also……have you considered looking at colleges in locations that have lower and often much lower tuitions? Good luck.
My husband’s parents did not pay for his education. He went to trade school which he paid for and worked his way through, he’s worked hard, and has never, in his life been out of work. He’s well respected at his job and learned so much through the years that his salary has increased and his skills are always in demand. My parents did not pay for my education. I moved overseas to get a scholarship and learned a second language and studied while working part time. I’d say it made us self-reliant and resourceful. It is only in very recent times that people have begun to think it’s some sort of birthright that parents pay for their overpriced and dumbed-down educations. I know too many people who get the expensive degree and then work as “baristas” (fancy term for a coffee counter clerk) or whatnot. It certainly is the entitlement generation. When I was growing up ALL my friends were expected to work at or before age 18. If they lived at home, they were expected to help pay some bills. It was called, growing up and being responsible. Perhaps if mommy and daddy are rich, it doesn’t hurt them to help but I still don’t think they should pay the “child’s” way, you all forget… you are not children. You are adults. I’m not religious (truly, because I was not raised as a member of any church) but the old parable “Give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he’ll eat for life” is very wise. When your parents teach you to work for what you want, it teaches you strength, responsibility, resourcefulness, resilience, it teaches you that you can trust and rely on yourselves. It gives you a sense of pride in your accomplishment. When they pay everything for you, it teaches you to take a handout. I think it’s actually rather humiliating. It teaches you that you aren’t capable of doing things for yourself. It keeps you immature and prevents you from growing up into an independent adult. Which is what you ought to be doing. If you want it, work for it. There is no reason for parents to indebt themselves to pay your way. In my opinion, they SHOULD though teach you to be self reliant, and help you to grow stronger by encouraging you to get scholarships, study hard, and work. I know. Many of you don’t want to hear that. We met a bright college-age young woman recently, she was working part-time and in school. She started chatting with us and said “When I was in high school my dad made me work part time for my money. I hated him for it. All my friend’s parents paid for them, and for their school. Now that I’m in college, I’m so thankful to him. I see how helpless these young people are. They don’t value school as much because they didn’t have to work for it, they don’t know how to do anything for themselves, and they’re lazy. I know how to work and to take care of myself. My dad was right, I see that now.”
That’s right Eve! I had a, (singular) parent who was a very selfish alcoholic. Later in life, I found out she was getting welfare for me and my 2 older brothers but we never saw a dime! Everything I have received in my life is from my effort, no one else. These spoiled little brats nowadays make me sick! Mommy owes me this, Daddy owes me that. Ultimately your parents owe you love, food, shelter, and clothing until you’re 18 years. When in your teen years, get a job, buy your own car or save for college. If you are a parent and have lots of money, help by all means but don’t pay for everything no matter how much money you have, (make them work for it)? Having to work your way through school is a good life lesson and builds character. I’m sure the college professors are on the side of the kids in this issue so their fat salaries can be funded? It’s funny; The longer I live, it seems to me that those who are always screaming for more money, do the least work, (especially some union members)? It’s the same for the kids. The more the parents give them, the more they demand. Never had kids myself, but if I did, they would be hardworking and respectful as much as it depended on me.
If your parents had the means but refused, your just internalizing the abuse because deep down inside you want to believe your parents love you, when they do not.
Has is ever occurred to you that maybe…..just maybe your parents love you enough and are wise enough to know that making you grow up, take responsibility and earning everything you get are foundational pillars to being very successful in life and ultimately achieving happiness? You might want to think about that.
The costs of the “American Dream” have become so inflated that it leads many to question if they are worth it at all. Massive increases in College expenses and home prices have left many to beg the question: “Why not just buy my kid a house instead?”.
Oh please I didn’t go to college I am stuck paying entitlement child support for 5 more years to my ex. If my kids want to go to college they can take out school loans themselves.
Sounds like you have no interest in your children’s welfare.
“Child support” you pay gives your kids a home to live in while they make it through college. When you are old, then they will be able to assist you.
If you don’t give a darn about your own offspring being successful in today’s economy, don’t be surprised if they are not able to assist you in any way when you are old. They’ll be too broke to help you out.
My parents are divorced. My father never helped me at all as an adult. I did my best but I had serious health problems. That was of no concern to him.
Luckily he has 5 other children. 3 he paid “child support” for through college as mandated by law. Those are actually the only ones who feel the duty to “pay back” as his age is advancing.
He received a college education when CUNY was tuition free (around 1946). His immigrant parents kept him comfortably housed and clothed during that time.
Later in life he was able to give back to his parents.
Think about what you are doing. They are your progeny.
What an amazing collection of deadbeat parents in one forum. “I told my kids early on that they would have to pay for college.” Haha, what does that even mean? You were putting Jr on notice that he would have to get a job at age 3 and start saving for that $100k investment? My own pops was one of y’all. Decided to blow his money on a Corvette when I was 14 then traded it in for a new one at age 17. Also blew money on expensive wine, extravagant trips, and original artwork. I put myself through college and graduate school. Now I am already saving for my 2 year old daughter’s college education. When my pops and his wife learned about my savings, they shamelessly tried to tell me that they wished they had helped with college but they we’re “unable to.” Haha. Yeah right. You were shameless greedy deadbeat boomers.
To all the deadbeats who can afford to help their kids but think they are teaching their kids some kind of lesson by making them start their adult lives in massive debt, you may just find that you are the ones learning a lesson when your kids no longer want anything to do with you.
What are you freaking whining about. You made it you’re doing fine despite the help of your parents. I was a Ward of the state my entire childhood. I was never allowed in education due to financial situations. I turned 18 in the state I lived in said have a nice life you’re homeless. I have 3 children now and I have worked and busted my ass my whole life. I don’t make college grad money, But there is nothing wrong with my 3 children making their own way, Because I did my best to put food on the table. I’m not saying if I have an extre mount of money here or there I wouldn’t help them every chance I got. I’m just saying not all parents squandered their money on corvettes and trading up to a better Corvette. Some of us are blue collar people who just cannot afford 3 separate $100000 educations.
Why did u have so many kids then if you can’t afford it? *facepalm*
Exactly. You give a 18 to 20 year old child a choice a phone or college they pick the phone. Woman want to be treated ewual but complain when they are. I raised my 2 children from the age they were 8 yrs old an 10. Never got child support from the dead beat drug addict mom a year befor i made 9.50 per hour payed 387 per month for one child she had a 12 dollor job payed 150 per month the system is racist toward men. I gave up on getting the 27 000 in back support cant get something from a hoe who has more children to live off the tax payers. The complete system is screwed. I never recieved government assistance to much pride. Thats whats missing from these young child breading young ones now days. No morals, no pride, just a scammers
Your entire life sounds like a complete mess and you have the audacity to say “Thats whats missing from these youngsters!” Peak lead poisoned boomer. Thank you and your miserable, lifeless generation for annihilating social security, hiking the cost of living, hiking the cost of education, and refusing to raise wages. And you old disgusting zombies sit around and wonder why the younger generations are complaining so much. You screwed everybody.
Exactly! Why bring so many kids into the world knowing you cannot support them into adulthood? Careless!
College is not a parental responsibility. In this country when you reach 18, you are considered to be an adult. Adults…by definition….take care of themselves and that means you get to make your own choices and decisions, but you are financially, legally and morally responsible for those choices. If you want to go to college……..sit down and figure out why and what you want to do that requires college. As short as we are in this country of skilled craftsman you can go the apprentice/trade school route and end up making a lot more than 90% of college grads. For example a decent plumber can clear $250K a year. However, if you want a college education then be prepared to work for it and realize that it might take a lot of work and time….but you can work your way through college.
In this day and age college costs more than 31x that of when you were in college. Back in your day, the cost of a 4 year college could be as low as $8,053, adjusted for inflation. Nowadays, 4 year college can cost upwards of $32,590, not including expenses such as gas, food, textbooks, housing, and electricity. Combined, that can total nearly $250,000, which is more than a house. Did you have to buy a house with no financial aid using only 6 years of earnings at an entry-level job while also studying for school almost 8 hours a day, 5 days a week?
THIS is why college students need financial aid.
It is admirable you could complete college without help, and you should definitely be proud, but because jobs now more than ever require a college diploma, students’ only option is to go to college and collect a massive debt or join the military for the government aid.
I wonder how many people here who think college is unnecessary and get enraged at the thought of parents helping out with the costs, feel the same way about parents paying for their kids(usually daughters)weddings. Funny how an 18 year old is expected to handle the high costs for an EDUCATION on their own while there are parents close to retirement age draining their savings to pay for extravagant weddings, many times for kids who are already established in their careers and make decent money.
Yes, college is very expensive and there are lots of people who can’t afford to help their kids out. But I don’t understand parents who can easily afford to help out, but won’t help out in any way, won’t co-sign on a loan, and are ok with their kids struggling to come up with money for something which is required by most employers these days. If this is how you feel, you shouldn’t have children.
Wow!!!
A couple questions come to mind:
1. At what point in life does little Shelly think that she and the rest of her self-entitled generation ought to grow up?
2. Why is it that eighteen year olds who can’t wait to let everyone know that they’re adults now and that nobody can tell them what to do don’t want to actually BE adults and take personal and financial responsibility for their lives and…their decisions?
I ask because I didn’t pay my kids way through college. No one paid my way or their mother’s way through college. I joined the Navy and went to college while serving in the Navy. Their mother earned a full scholarship and worked to pay her way through college. From an early age my kids were told that their mother and I wouldn’t pay for their college. We’d help out, but we weren’t going to pay their way and we told them why. Rather than whine and bitch like so many kids on this thread have done, they took that challenge and earned athletic, academic and ROTC scholarships and for the most part paid their own way. They also worked while in school. While we helped out with spending money, car insurance, health insurance, and other expenses, they EARNED their degrees and they both really well in school academically and athletically and are now serving their country. We couldn’t be prouder of both of them.
The “morals” of the story are:
1. if someone wants to achieve something badly enough they’ll do what it takes to get there.
2. One of the greatest gifts you can give someone is the gift of letting them EARN something.
The journey to achieve and earn something like a college degree is a life changing experience that teaches initiative, builds character, and developed confidence that enables that person to lead of life of meaning and significance as a responsible and accountable adult capable of contributing to society.
A couple of questions for you sir. What exactly did you spend the untaxed portion of your salary on for 18 (or more) years? Where did your child tax credits end up? I have been a childless taxpayer without anything other than a standard deduction for 22 years, i am currently 40 years old. I am curious as to where MY subsidies to YOU went. I also have concern as to how much of MY salary subsidized YOUR children’s secondary education through grants. I already know how much I have shelled out to the public school district through property taxes. Not very happy seeing my money spent on a history curriculum of half truths, free laptops and internet connections, football, baseball, cheerleading, etc.
Would also love to know how families are able to accumulate so much equity with gross earnings far less than mine…
I’m not sure what year you went to college but college tuition is rising 6% each year. It’s getting much harder for students to just “pay” for their college degree. Some students have around 300k in debt. I doubt you had that much debt to worry about. I’m happy for your grandma that she got a full ride but you need to understand that the percentage of students going to college has drastically increased and the full ride scholarships are much more competitive then when she was in school. I myself have earned multiple scholarships and have saved money since I started at job at age 15. This money is no where near what I need to cover the cost (maybe only cover the first year). College now is not about parents teaching their kids to “earn” stuff as you said. You not helping them can put them in life long debt. Thank you for being a great parent!
Richard, you didn’t pay your own way through. The taxpayers paid for your education. I find it pretty funny that you are ranting about entitled kids when your education was taxpayer funded.
This might be difficult for you to comprehend, being a white man probably, but in many cultures it’s the norm for parents to help their kids out well past 18. Families also take care of their elderly rather than throw them in a nursing home. Having the mindset that kids should be entirely on their own the minute they turn 18 is a bizarre and foreign concept to many of us.
Actually Richard’s service to our country in the U.S. Navy more than “paid” for the costs of college. it is sad that you have no concept of service. Then again it is this self-centered entitled attitude which is why you have the deluded view that mommy and daddy are somehow obligated to pay for your college education. As Richard so aptly asked…..at what point do you think it’s time to grow up and take responsibility for yourself?
BTW……you could do the same thing Richard did and join the military and either (because you truly excel and are seen as someone with true potential)the military will send you to college OR after you serve four years the GI Bill will help pay for college anywhere you want to go. This might be difficult for you to understand as a self-entitled child…..but at some point you kids need to grow up and take responsibility for your own lives.
You did help your kids. This forum is bashing the ones who didn’t help at all. Chill
Millennials and Gen Z, I swear are nothing but entitled little brats who think the world should be handed to them. I had to work 2 jobs while attending school full time because my parents couldn’t afford their cost of living and my increased cost of living on board, food separate from their own. That doesn’t make a parent a deadbeat, we have our own bills and expenses and struggle sometimes just as much as you will. When you pull your thumbs out of mouths you’ll understand that.
The author of this post needed to have his ass beat more as a child and not given participation awards and should have been taught the value of working hard for their place of comfort in life. I’m not going to go into the tax part of it because honestly, this isn’t a place for political debate. This day in our economy, you selfish pricks don’t understand, your parents also have increased costs to their way of living. You could go out and get a job after your college classes are done to contribute your share of the funds instead of expecting your parents to work their asses off, to be able to support their entitled man-children or women-children, but you don’t want to, not because your parents shouldn’t show you what it’s like to be an adult, God forbid a parent actually makes their children grow up once the law classifies them as an adult…but no, they should not only have to struggle to take care of themselves in this economy but should also have to struggle to let you suck at the teet of childhood so you can be a lazy ass adult for 2-4 years.
Next thing you’ll be saying, your parents should let you live in their residence for as long as you want, should allow you to continue to mooch off of them and pay for everything you want and more, that you shouldn’t have to go out and get a job to support yourself because mommy and daddy doing that makes them “deadbeat”…obviously the author of this post doesn’t understand the first thing of what makes someone a deadbeat, trying to teach your child responsibility doesn’t make someone a deadbeat.
Your parents should cut you off completely at the age of 18, your college is not their responsibility,
People like you should not have kids. If you think at the stroke of midnight when your child turns 18 you can just completely cut them out of your life then you either 1. Never loved your child in the first place or 2. Have absolutely zero empathy or interest in seeing your child succeed. I’ve noticed a lot of brain rot inflicted boomers on this forum, much like yourself, confuse “suffering” with “growing up”. Launching your child into years of debt, misery, stress, and anxiety is not them “growing up”. You are just making their lives much harder than they need to be for no reason. This way of thinking and strategy in raising your kids does not make them better. It will make them exhausted, not perform in school, have negative effects on their mental health, and will lead them to resent you for what you put them through. Your kids did not ask to be born. They did not crawl out of your legs from their own free will. YOU decided to give birth to them. It is YOUR responsible to take care of them. It is YOUR responsible to ensure they have a happy and successful future. It is YOUR responsibility to seek out any possible way you can ease some of the burdens that come with life. You can not just decide to have kids because “why not” and then leave them out to dry. And then when your kids are upset that you royally screwed them, you call them entitled. They ARE entitled to your help and support because you brought them into this world. Can’t stand your old, miserable, deadbeat generation who cares about nobody but themselves. Don’t have kids if you think your “job” as a parent ends once they turn 18. Once you have a child, you are a parent until your last day.
My Dad didn’t want me to go to college. He said the work is more important. He’s right. People smart and work experience smart is better than book smart. Parents aren’t supposed to pay money for their kids higher education. There are successful people who never went to college. My grandparents on my Father’s side were smarter than most people with college degrees. They spoke well in four languages and were familiar with another. They spoke Russian, Ukrainian, Yiddish, English and they knew some Hebrew. I noticed that my grandfather at the age of 92 was in a hospital bed with the newspaper. He was dying from prostate cancer. He died because of it. Being second generation American on one side and extremely American on the other, I realize that the education system was highly discriminatory to Jewish people. They weren’t allowed to be doctors and lawyers. It’s funny how people think Jewish people get into those professions a lot. It can be possible that college can be wasted money. Thousands of dollars Down the drain. The students may find out that they don’t have a clue what they can do with their bachelors degree. Sad
There are many life changing experiences that teaches initiative, builds character, and developed confidence that enables that person to lead of life of meaning and significance as a responsible and accountable adult capable of contributing to society.
Making a child pay their own college degree may be that life changing experience, but it robs them of the college experience.
I paid my way through college and it robbed me of the college experience. I was too busy working that I did not get to join clubs to network, I did not get to go to tutoring as much, I was unable to meet with professors. I was not able to accept internships, research opportunities, study abroad, and explore my options. I was never into partying; but, I definitely missed out on important college milestones.
Because of this, I will pay the way for my child to an extent. For one, my son started taking community college courses, accruing Saylor and CLEP credits at 14, during a pandemic. He is now one year away graduating from community college with a STEM degree at 16. He will continue his studies at the local state university and where he is planning to join clubs, apply for internships, study abroad and research opportunities. He knows any class that he fails or withdraws from, will be his financial responsibility. No help from me. He will also apply for scholarships to alleviate the financial burden. He is looking into a scholarship with a full ride and stipend at another state college. Yes, I will help him. Gladly. But, he has to help himself too. I am not going to allow my kid to enter adulthood without a degree. Especially, when a degree is a minimum for many employment opportunities. I don’t want to hear the trade school argument. It is not for everyone and it is a very hard profession that cuts into one’s lifespan before 40.
Boomers had free colleges, Boomers did not have pay for the inflated cost of college and housing. I want my son to have the best start of life. After a bachelor’s, he will be responsible for his masters and the rest.
My child is not entitled. He is blessed and he knows it.
Adult is a adult. When the clock ticks 18 you are more of a friend then a child. It is your responsibility from that point on. If you don’t want to talk to me fine I am living my own life. Can’t force a adult to talk to you.
Yeah I grew to love the whole you’re 18 now you’re an adult. Been working out real swell.
Old dad can’t cut his toe nails anymore, ouch looks painful … “you’re over 18, adults cut their own nails”
“you’re an adult, you’re over 18, you got until tomorrow morning to fix your computer for work, like an adult, hell yeah I could fix complex tech issues, to avoid being fired, adults know this.
“you’re over 18, you need to fix your own car somehow, an adult can handle creeper weirdos while being broken down on highway, sometimes tow trucks take hours to show up. Adult time!
What can I say? As adults, telling the kids what’s up is what adults do. Adults handle their own problems, just ask the adults who raised me.
I’m off the hook, relieved of any obligation, no matter the issue, my parents are over 18, so they need to act like adults.
Sometimes I smile so big it hurts as these adults didn’t expect to hear their own words look so shocked.
Of course I’d never establish that kind of dynamic with my own son. Everyone needs some support sometimes. My son is never too old to reach out, I’ll help everyone I know if they are in need… Almost everyone. Lol
I never understood why people like you have kids in the first place when you have zero interest in the childs wellbeing and have zero interest to support them both financially and emotionally. Like why are you having kids if you want them to be miserable. Do them a favor and keep it in your pants. And also, you don’t stop becoming a parent when your kid turns 18. They will always be your offspring and you will always be the parent the second they are born. If at the age of 18 you say “alright you’re on your own now!” then you are a miserable old scumbag who will more than likely burn in hell.
Shelly,
I agree. A bachelor’s degree is the new high school diploma. Gone are my father’s days when one person working a blue collar, low-skilled job could support a family comfortably. And college is ridiculously priced. Also, college isn’t for everyone. Some people would do better in a trade school. I can understand parents who can’t afford to do much, or don’t want to drain their own finances down to pay for a high-priced degree. Six-digit debt for college is stupid.
But there are lower cost options. Do a community college for a couple of years and then transfer to a state university. Most caring parents who have their lives together would be able to help to some degree with a sensible plan like that. That was my path. I kept costs down for undergrad. My parents still would not kick in a dime. Okay that’s their prerogative. I couldn’t help but notice that they were always willing to help my brother buy boats and houses. That’s fine, he can return the favor now and deal with their constant demands now that they are old.
Honestly, I don’t see why anyone these days would have more than one kid max. Things are so expensive. Competition for resources is fierce. Things are hard for everyone. Why put yourself and your kids in a position where you can’t afford to help either yourself or them?
For those people who can afford to help their kids to some degree with college and chose not to, why on earth did you have a family??
yes, my husband should not have had kids. he makes 5x what i am currently making at my job. He refuses to help the kids with ALL college tuition, room and board, etc. He claims “well 40 years ago, i had to take out loans, so my kids should do the same”. problem is the cost of college 40 years ago…we could work over the summer and during the school year to pay for it! At least that is what i did.
My kids cannot see thru this yet. Now he claims falsely “your mom and i had an agreement, she was going to pay for your college” I have some money saved, but it seems with his income 5x what i make, he needs to put some money into their college too. Not fair.
Talk about lying deadbeat. ugh. my poor kids. and myself for that matter!
You should leave the United States and study in countries that will happily support capable students. If society is to improve, people have to educated. A college education in the United States has become a watered down embarrassing excuse. So if you believe you should be a better contributor to society, if you want a quality education… you should leave the States.
Like what countries Caroline? Just because there are a few countries that don’t charge tuition at a few of their universities doesn’t mean their students don’t rack up enormous school loan debts – they do. They still have to pay for a place to live, food, books, lab fees, deposits, etc.
Sounds like another socialist loving individual who thinks the government should do everything for them. If my government won’t provide everything I need for me then I should go to a country like China, Who will do everything for me but it may cost me my life. Oh by the way I live in a socialist country I have a fantastic degree, And am extremely intelligent however they pay me to make fake leather belts for $3 an hour. But I’m very grateful they helping with my education. Do you even hear what’s coming out of your mouth and lay down on this site Via your fingers. You can not be serious government is never the answer. They should stay out of almost everything and looked at people of good moral run their communities.
And boomers wonder why everybody hates them. Anytime the idea of the Government assisting the younger generations to ease the burden of the mess YOUR generation made, you call it socialism and say a bunch of incoherent red scare garbage. Please, please can you and everyone else like you kick the bucket so we can start cracking the whip and make society in the United States a little less miserable?
If all those “boomers” kick the bucket who’s going to do the work, pay the taxes, run the companies, and run the country? It sure won’t be you little self-entitled babies who can’t even wean themselves off mommy and daddy. Without those “boomer” odds are……you self-entitled children will starve to death, which will make society in the United States a lot less miserable.
For the longest time, I deified parents–mostly because mine are just about the most important things in my life. Yes, I said “things” because my parents are not only two of the most important people in my life, but two of the things in life I’m willing to die for. That said, of late I’ve had to reevaluate my position on parents in general. I used to think children OWED our parents everything–they gave us life and provided for us while we grew up. But I can no longer support this view since no child asks to be born AND life is very competitive and even very painful for many. It’s not good enough to be a “good person.” You have to have the right credentials, look the right way, have the right personality, support the right things… And you need money in a world that is increasingly capitalistic.
So life is very hard for a lot of people, yet still, having already experienced a lot of how hard life is, parents decide to create new beings … to experience life’s many, many difficulties. What stuns me as I am now part of the working world is how many parents can barely care for themselves but then have children they can’t afford to support adequately, let alone provide opportunities to give those children advantages in increasingly competitive life. This strikes me as very irresponsible.
But to call parents who won’t or who can’t afford the exploding costs of “higher education” is hypocritical. A deadbeat is someone who won’t fulfill their obligations (especially financial). But if parents have a financial obligation for something, that something ought to be in the reach of nearly every parent. Educational costs are no longer within the reach of most hard-working families. You shouldn’t need tens of thousands of dollars for an education. It ought to be something you can get working part-time for a few years AND it ought to be very pertinent to the job market–with validated statistics per institution (number of students graduating within X-years, percent employed within Y-months after graduation…). But US education is a big business. Capitalism. It’s about maximizing profits–even in non-profit institutions (many churches, hospitals…). Education has become unaffordable, and government intervention–subsidies…–has only driven up the cost of education because schools feel justified in raising tuition and fees to suck up more government provided tax-payer dollars (subsidies…).
So if we insist on a college degree (and beyond) being a requirement, and we won’t incentivize universities to drastically lower tuition, then it’s hypocritical to on the one hand encourage poor (or even middle class) families to have children they can’t afford while on the other hand berating them for … not affording the requisite but expensive college degrees for their children.
And let’s not pretend we’re not all aware that a college degree is becoming as common (and arguably un[der]valued) as a high school diploma once was once everyone had those. So more and more people will have to pursue more expensive education. Studies and government reports already show that masters degrees are becoming nearly as common as bachelors degrees. And once most of us have masters degrees, we’ll need one, two, three… PhD’s just to SEEM competitive. I guess in the future parents will be considered deadbeats for not financing each of their children’s five university degrees.
Having dual citizenship (European & US) and having studied in the US and abroad, I think the solution lies at least in part in bringing back high-skilled trade apprenticeships that are PAID so people can survive WHILE mastering industry-needed skills AND have an authentic financial future without going into debt. And utilizing effective online learning to create a people’s online university for hundreds instead of tens of thousands of dollars. The technology is robust enough now and there are already many terrific working examples.
You shouldn’t need a five-or-six-figure fancy degree to get a good job. And parents shouldn’t have to bankrupt their own future to pay for children’s post-secondary education. After all, many (most?) of us young people won’t be caring for our elderly parents anyway.
Agree. These parents rambling about how they’re not responsible are just doing their ego a favour. They can’t afford kids and they choose to create them. Now they say they aren’t responsible. What a load of crap. Don’t have children then! What’s your reason for bringing kids into this world and don’t want to pay for them?
Wow, its not laziness or entitlement!!! You people seem to think that its as easy as it was years ago! When you baby boomers were teens, college was no where near as expensive!!
Back in the day, you could get a job without a degree and still have a decent income, but nowadays a college degree is needed for the most part, to get a decent salary. Even then so, kids still come out of college finding crappy jobs and the job market gets harder and harder to enter each year. For years, they aren’t even able to afford a house! Add car payments, rent and taxes on top of the debt and its a nightmare! Things are certainly not handed to current University students. The price is $250,000+!!!!! That’s fucking insane!!! How the fuck are we spoiled when we are set up for failure! Do you understand what its like to pay that money alone for education and still have difficulty finding a well paying job?! You baby boomers are the one’s sounding like entitled brats. If it was a feasible amount, that’s different, but I think parents should help if they can when the cost is $250,000+!!! 18 years old, not sure of the future and $250,000 in debt!!! I would love to see you people live like Milennials and then say again that we are entitled when many of us work our asses off, but can’t even live properly with the looming debt strangling us!!! I know people who have worked hard and lived in their cars to pay off student debt eating the bare minimum and you think we’re whining!! I can’t sit here and listen to this crap!
I fucking WISH I was a baby boomer, no one seems to care for the shit Millenials go through.
Its not like cutting the strings years back and America, the country with the most outlandish tuition, is the same country where parents are told to step out of their kids lives when they hit 18…
College is up to the choice of the student. As I have once heard being a student, college is not for everyone. And for the payments, students have opportunities to earn money through scholarships, grants, and if necessary, loans or even through taking a part-time job.
To be personal, despite having a decent standing in high school, I was still obligated to pay for school out-of-pocket due to circumstances of parents being unable to pay for college. While I still at times do resent them for not assisting, I also think of all the contributions they made the past nineteen years to ensure my well being to begin with. It could had been much more worse.
“This” or “that” generation is not the matter of concern necessarily. What matters is how much society has changed the necessity of going to college and distorted the meaning of success. Am I saying college does not bring success? No, I am not. But, I am saying people are able to earn success without college as well.
For those who are seeking college education, I wish you the best of luck. Continue working hard, work for yourself, think on the future, and you will be where you need to be. The time of blaming and resentment should ease to forgiveness instead.
My parents would not help me out at all with college, even though they could have afforded to. But then they also resented doing the basics like food and clothing. Yet they spared no expense on the things they wanted for themselves.
I struggled for many years to get a degree. Finally got it. I make a good living and have a family of my own to care for. My parents weren’t legally obligated to help me after I turned 18 and that’s fine. I’m not legally obligated (in the state we live in) to take care of them now that they’re elderly. As far as I’m concerned they can liquidate their assets and go into a nursing home. They don’t like that, but they taught me that it’s everyone for themselves.
How’d you do it? What was your process? I have a friend who’s 17 and her parents won’t spend a PENNY on her or her education. How could she get through it?
What was your process? How did you do it? I have a friend who is 17 years old and her deadbeat parents won’t even chip in a penny in her education or living expenses. What can she do to afford and get through college?
Thank you for this article. I spent my childhood raped and abused by my family. I desperately wanted an education but they threw me out before I could finish high school. I tried to keep up with school but my job didn’t care and I had to stop school to keep up with 14 hour days 7 days a week. I tried to get funding to go to college after getting a GED but was told I couldnt recieve enough money to cover even a full semester at the local college. The reasoning behind the denial was that even though I hadn’t lived with my parents since 18 (24 when I had scraped some money together to try and start the college process) and even though I was solely supporting myself the entire time I was not eligible still because of my parents income and their own education. They hold 5 degrees between the two of them and make near around 300,000 annually. Also they had paid 10s of thousands for my sibling to go to an out of state university that he ended up not liking and dropping out of. So I was offered less than 4000 and was told that was the most aid I could ever apply for my entire life for any and all schooling. I could not afford to pay my rent and food and utilities and have enough to make payments on the rest of the school costs. I tried to juggle my budget in many different ways but as I already try to live sparingly I just did not have enough money at the end of each month. I gave up on college a long time ago. I save every penny I can now towards my own sons future and/or education whatever he chooses. I was not lazy or wanting hand outs. I just wanted a chance to be more than a house wife and cashier. I understand now that I never deserved it because I couldnt afford it. You only get to be a person in this country if you can buy it.
Look fill out the FAFSA again and you will get enough to cover tuition at the least.
Feather,
I actually feel sorry for you that the great lesson you learned in life was that it’s everyone for themselves. However, I feel sorrier for your kids.
I wonder what your parents would say if someone repeated your story to them about college.
BTW…my folks didn’t help me with college either. They felt that college wasn’t a right, it was a privilege to be earned. I joined the Navy to get money for college and eventually wound up going to college while in the Navy. It was the best decision I could’ve made. Why? Because the morning I graduated I put on my dress white uniform and realized that I earned that degree, that it was my hard work that got me there, I didn’t owe a dime, AND I had a job. My kids worked their butts off and got scholarships to pay for college. They’re doing great and I couldn’t be prouder of them.
They raised you, fed you, kept a roof over your head, gave you a good primary education, put clothes on your back, raised you in a way that you can take care of yourself and your family. You do owe them as they grow older and it doesn’t matter if they sent you to college or not at least they are not asking you for anything now because they didn’t have the expense of sending you to college instead they are able to take care of themselves in their older years. Shame on your attitude.
Mia your mother must have dropped you on your head when you were a baby. You couldn’t be more wrong if you tried. He owes his parents NOTHING. They chose to have him…..they chose not to help him with college….that’s fine…..he can chose not to take care of them in their old age. They did the bare minimum for him when he was a kid and that’s the least they can do since they brought him into the world. Frankly, doing less might have sparked a phone calk to DSS. His parents sound as selfish as they come. Had he have chosen to be born we wouldn’t be having this conversation but we all know that’s not how it works.
Yep. Many people put parents on a pedestal, regardless of whether they deserve it or not. I didn’t go into full detail on that original post, but my parents were and are very selfish people. He was an incredibly selfish alcoholic, she was and is a nasty manipulator who at the time abused prescription meds. They had me late in life after they already had 2 kids who were almost adults. She had me to keep him on the hook financially to the maximum extent. He resented me a lot. They did the bare minimum to keep DSS at bay. There were times when teachers or my friends’ parents would see that something was wrong and try to help. My parents shut those people down fast and made sure to get them out of my life. The crappy icing on that cake is that they are relatives. Yes you read that right. Their parents were first cousins. Just absolutely disgusting people. I could go on but I won’t.
It was a dysfunctional and abusive environment. But financially they were solid and they put up a good front that made the world think they were good people. They would actually lie and tell people that they were helping me through college to make themselves look good.
Not helping me with college was just one issue. They were of no help in my life in any way, shape, or form, and were in fact a huge obstacle for me to overcome. It took me many, many years of struggle with some help from people who are not blood relatives–to them I am forever a loyal friend. I’ve made family outside of my blood relatives and those people are my priority in life. I would walk on fire for my in-laws. But my parents are on their own as far I’m concerned.
I can’t imagine throwing my kid out into the world with no help or support. Life is hard for young people nowadays. I would never treat my child the way I was treated. And I don’t expect my kid to nursemaid me when I’m old.
I get that some people might not be able to afford to help their kids much with college. But for crying out loud, do what you can. You chose to have a family, and that comes with responsibility.
People need to stop giving to kudos and respect to shitty parents for “stepping up to plate” of parenthood. Not all parents are good people and you never know what goes on behind closed doors.
My dad offered to pay for college in the early 80s. Texas in-state tuition was $4 a semester hour. My daughter’s tuition at a Christian college was roughly 70 times more. SEVENTY times. When she graduated, she had $20,000 in student loans. I couldn’t help her pay for it, but I did encourage her to live and eat for free with us until she was debt free. All she had to pay for was her phone and gas. Something must be wrong with her because she actually wanted to be on her own, and not live with her parents. How did she not learn that the world owes her a living? What conservative nonsense did they teach her at that school? But I convinced her that being debt free should be a top priority. Then, once she was debt free, and had a little saved up, she started out right. Not every parent can pay for their kids college, nor should they necessarily be expected to. Every child and every situation requires its own solution. College isn’t right for everyone. It’s a shame that our society has fooled itself into believing that. But no matter your kids chosen career path, just about any parent can provide all kinds of support in many other ways.
I agree. In 1975, my parents helped me because I stayed at home and commuted to the local university by allowing me to stay in the home and a place at the table. I received a $1000/year scholarship. My tuition was $300/semester.
If a “child” wants to be independent, leave home, attend the most expensive elite university, and then expects their parents to mortgage their house to pay $40,000 to $60,000/year to receive a worthless liberal arts degree that has a salary insufficient to repay the school debt, then they are foolish, spoiled brats! They should pay their own way.
That’s just it. Your tuition was 300 a semester. My tuition for a small, public engineering school in the middle of nowhere is 9000.00 a semester. I get a 2500/ semester scholarship. Not everyone has a local university, so you can’t just live with your parents. Some parents decide to stupidly move to places that have no university near by or any employment opportunities after graduation, so you can’t just live with your parents to pay down debt. Your generation was the spoiled one. Life in an economic neverland must have been great.
I agree with Scott (13 SEP 2017) & Sherrie (Didn’t get the date). I am STUNNED at Mrs. O’Shaughnessy’s belief in instilling a sense of entitlement in adult age high school graduates for a CHOSEN path in life. Statistics show that those of us Who pay our own way for school time to take attendance of classes & maintaining grades in each course more seriously than if we have the way paved for us by someone else’s dime. If a college education is what someone CHOOSES because that’s what THEY want for THEIR life, then they should own at least SOME responsibility for paying their own way. JEEZ! How dare you call parents deadbeats who have provided everything, the ones who did, as they are supposed to, Everything they needed and I’m sure quite a bit more, for their children, now young adults to get where they are now. How dare you call the parents, who have always tried, provided & been 100% supportive of their children their entire Iives, deadbeats. You should be ashamed of yourself! Such arrogance & entitlement! And since these young ADULTS need to get to college too, I’m assuming you’re also expecting their parents to purchase & maintain a vehicle for them too, correct? Oh & clothing, food, medical bills etc. Just as they did the entire time they were growing up. That was a supposed to However when parents do what they are supposed to do, that’s not deadbeat. Wow!!!!
I made a conscious decision in my 20’s. I would not have children unless I could provide them a higher education. Now at almost 50, I make a decent living and chose to live waaaay under my means. Tiny old house (in a safe hood), inexpensive cars. But thanks to my spending habits I have cash to pay their tuitions ( they are both in college). Had I not thought I could restrain my spending, I would have chosen to have 1 child or even none. Have children and spend money on them or restrain myself and have no children. Meanwhile my kids learned a valuable lesson growing up. Big houses and fancy cars do not equal happiness. Being debt free does.
I suspect Mrs. O’Shaughnessy has some issues herself.
@David, you are an utter moron and so is anyone else who thinks college exists at $300 a semester in today’s world. People like you need to have a serious reality check. Are to you absolutely insane? You think people are CHOOSING liberal arts expensive colleges over $300 semesters? God help your poor kids. Hopefully they can get away from a narcissistic fool like you as soon as possible and realize what an utter failure you are as a parent.
@Tiffany, your post is so defensive it’s clear you ARE a deadbeat parent, probably shouldn’t have reproduced and likely expect your kids to buy groceries for the family while trying to attend college full time and work part time.
@Jay, clearly your child doesn’t like you. You are the one that raised a Christian. There must be something wrong with you. Maybe she was trying to escape an abusive household.
I absolutely agree with Feather. My parents not only didn’t help me, but talked me out if scholarships, manipulated me in the name of Christ, took advantage of me. I will never help them if they need it in their old age. They can die, beg my younger siblings that they favor, I don’t care. I moved over 3,000 miles to get away from them. I never actually expected them to pay for my college but when I was going full time, working two part time jobs, cleaning the house daily, bringing my siblings to and from school, buying groceries, and having to cook dinner almost daily. Yeah, the least they could have done was taken out Parent Plus loans. But they always talked about his grateful I should be they weren’t charging me rent. Listen up, if you have parents like this, get away from them. They are deadbeats, doesn’t matter how good their intentions might be. I had to go through five years of therapy to recover from this “Christian” household, struggled financially making less than $20/K a year because I never finished college because of all the blocks my mother created.
If youth have kids and got don’t pay for their college in this day and age, shame on you. You are a deadbeat.
Kiki,
Mine were a lot like that. The one time I ever outright asked for some help with college, my father snidely told me to take out loans. He could have helped me, but he didn’t want to. He was selfish in many ways, it wasn’t just the college thing. He also told me many times not to expect an inheritance because he was saving his money for a rest home. This man was 55 years old when I was born. He was angry that I as a 25 year old had my own life and wouldn’t be able to be at his beckoned call. My older sister would do everything for him and he treated her like garbage.
I got a little satisfaction when he wanted me to spend my time and money to travel 1,000 miles to go see him and put up with his BS and to do some things for him, I told him to pay someone to take care of that crap and hung up.
Well Feather, it is very understandable. There are certain parents who are very selfish and consider their children to be their property and unpaid servants.
I have 2 parents (they are divorced) who never tire of telling me what my “duty” is.
Both of them had parents who did not divorce and who did not kick them out of their homes. They are both college graduates and are far more well of than I am. Yet it is my “duty” because I am their daughter, to take care of them in their old age. They have loads of money and other children who are well off. I am struggling financially and can just about keep my own home going. They don’t lend me a hand and I don’t ask.
I let them I know I cannot financially afford to do the things they wish I would do for them. Doesn’t even really matter, because they have the economic means to pay for others to do it for them.
Just because a person brings children into the world, it doesn’t mean they actually want them to have a better life.
People have all kinds of reasons for
having kids. I respect the woman who lived by modest means to be able to give her children the higher education they needed to be successful. I am sure she does not have to ask for their gratitude. Adult children are generally aware of who has been in their corner to help them. They will not have to be prompted to assist those individuals (mom, dad, aunt, uncle, grandma, grandpa, friend) later in life.
You’re the worst parent a kid could have, YOURE OBLIGATED TO CLOTHE, FEED, AND PAY MEDICAL BILLS TO RAISE A CHILD. If you don’t it’s child cruelty and abandonment, which is a crime and why have a kid then you slob. No you’re not obligated to pay your “adult” child but you greedy money parents who think they’re done spending money on their kid but still trying to claim them for taxes are sickening and abuse your kids mentally. All that “I’m still your parent “ telling them what to do like you still control them but then, when your “adult” child wants to continue their education; you’ll now look the other way because it still takes money expense to help them. How convenient of your kind to think the years of needing to raise them is enough money wasted than helping your child still continue school. Also do be so stupid and think we want u to pay for a car for us “adults” just so u can rip it away from us anytime u feel like it because it’s under ur name you swine. If you were so supportive and given them 100% why change lol of a sudden when tuition tolls in then eh??? Supportive of putting in their head they’ll make a better living which a college degree and cannot be considered a independent if they were never homeless since you “are so supportive and raised them “ nor they didn’t enter the army, we can have a minimum wage job and clothe and feed ourselves but that doesn’t pay half the tuition. Your type still wants to be a parent till it’s time to STILL BE A PARENT, re-evaluate yourself already. College isn’t the same as in “1976”, “1980” blah blah, you need to look at how much it cost now than before.
Trump 2020
Yes! My deadbeat parents did that. They wouldn’t help me with college, but STILL claimed me on their taxes after I left their house and was paying my own way through a community college. That caused me problems with financial aid back then.
Mine were and are absolutely like this. This kind of parent wants absolute power and control over their kids lives, with ZERO investment on their part. To people like this children are a tool to use.
I will have nothing to do with them now. People judge me harshly for it. But I don’t care. My life is better with them not in it.
When college students complain about the cost of college, student loans, and argue for student loan forgiveness-“it is a CHOICE to go to college and take on loans! It’s your responsibility to pay for loans you CHOOSE to have and don’t take on loans you can’t afford! College isn’t necessary anyway, there’s always trade school!”
The same people when responding to those complaining about minimum wage jobs, and the lack of high paying jobs in general that aren’t keeping up with increasing cost of living-“you want to make more money, go to college and learn some skills to make more money, jobs pay you what you’re worth!”
I love how you suggest that every parent always does what they can for their kids when they’re underage, and therefore need zero help when they’re adults, as though abusive and neglectful parents don’t exist. I suppose you also feel kids providing elder care for their parents is an entitlement also regardless of how awful people they are right?
Deadbeat parents? “Of course, if that happened taxpayers like us would be footing the bill for deadbeat parents, who want others to pay for their children’s college degree.”
Does this mean that those with lower incomes seeking taxpayer dollars to foot the bill for their children’s education are also ‘deadbeat parents’???
The federal student aid program is just another way to tax. Some people get something for free, others subsidize by paying out of pocket. I’m personally in the unenviable position of only attaining the “high income” I earn now as my children enter college. Of course for the first 17 years of my oldest’s life, I made about half the income I do now and had only managed to save around $7000 for the two of them. In fact, we only just finished paying off my wife’s student loans before having to take on new debt for our two children. It amounts to around $46,000 a year that I have to pay and others don’t. I guess we are breathing more air, drinking more water, demanding more military protection, and just generally using more government services than those make less than $60,000 a year …. or maybe I have it backwards, you tell me.
Our government is a joke. The Department of Education is an especially sad joke.
Well though I agree if and this is a big “if” the parents are purposefully trying to gain the system and stick tax payers with the bill, this is morally and ethically wrong. And those parents “if they have coerced there children to gain the system should face penalties and so should the children as well legally speaking they are not children any more.
However there is something to be said about the fulfillment a person achieves and a sense of pride from standing on their own two feet and earning it on their own. Such is my case, my biological parents were dead beats in the literal since of the word. Neither had any prospects in life and were beyond unfit, hence why the state removed me and my siblings. I graduated high school had prospects for college and even a way to pay for it because of the educational voucher system put in place by states to provide foster kids with a way of attending higher education that wouldn’t normally be able to.
But I suppose I was mature enough at 18 to realize I had no clue what I wanted to do in life, let alone waste tax payers money on “figuring” it out. I did however have a strong sense of civic duty, patriotism, (I realize some of you are going to bash me as that’s not a popular sentiment. But what you all fail to realize is that if there isn’t a volunteer military then the draft will come back into effect.) I choose to join the military for aforementioned reasons. And I also realized I would learn a trade and be able to afford college on my own. What is often a misconception is that this benefit is just handed to veterans, it is in fact not we pay into a fund very similar to a 401k for a period of time. That money is then matched and sometimes used in conjunction with sign on bonuses similar to scholarships that go towards our schooling.
This was the best decision for me, I do not regret putting college off until now or serving my country in any way. It was one of the best decisions I ever made, and I have had more opportunities in life because of it. I served my term honorably and even found gainful employment without needing to use my benefits upon my end of term of service.
I’ve decided however now to return to school so I can further myself and seek other types of employment. I earned this, no one handed it to me, no one paid my way, and I find I’m more motivated to graduate faster and get on with life than my younger civilian counterparts. I am on track to receive my bs in just under 2.5 years and will have a MSW after a total of 4 years. I’ve already laid ground work for gaining the 3000 hours I will need to be able to receive a LCSW. And this will be accomplished with me in the end only having just under 30k in subsidized loans debt. While attending well known public universities, I would have less but there are only three colleges in my state that are accredited by the CSWE for masters degrees and they are on the higher end of the spectrum in cost.
The pride I feel and the motivation to not only finish but fast so I’m not wasting my money or that of the taxpayers is more than I can say for some of the “kids” I see. My own biological brother lucked out went to live with his dad’s family, they helped pay for his schooling he wasted two years of their money only to be kicked out for making unsatisfactory grades. Take my statements as you will, but I do whole heartedly believe when you have to earn and pay for something on your own you’re less likely to “dick” around and understand the value of things.
Also I graduated high school in 04′ so I’m not a baby boomer, some of us still undstand certain simple principles.
Are you serious? “Deadbeat parents”? What entitlement. While I agree that parents shouldn’t have kids until/unless the parents have planned very well for their kids’ many needs, it’s preposterous to add college to the list of requirements. First, college pays off less and less well for more and more graduates. But even beyond this, you’re a legal adult at 18. The law doesn’t designate you “an intermediate citizen” or some such nonsense. You should be mostly self sufficient by then and contributing back to your home/community. You’ve been fighting for and demanding independence and autonomy for years, but once you realize the struggles of the real world you want to pull the “but I’m just 18 and life’s expensive without help” card? Thank goodness this drivel is just this author’s (and, of course, those who WOULD gain from the anti-parents policy) opinion. None of us is under any legal obligation to act in accordance with this author’s sentiments.
I’m 27, my parents are both dead. They were dirt poor but did everything they could for me. At 17, I graduated from HS and got state grants to go to my city’s community college. I worked hard while living at home, kept a part-time job for expenses, and won a scholarship to my state college. It wasn’t a fancy private school, but in consultation with a career office (not one at the school–they’re biased in favor of the school’s programs), I took up a course of study leading to professional certification in a high needs field. Before I graduated I had six job offers. No, none of them were in pretty, exciting cities, but I did what I had to and I’m doing OK today.
I miss my mom and dad EVERY DAY. The last thing I’d ever have done is call them “deadbeats” for providing for me for over 18 years–including shelter and food and transportation to countless activities and textbooks and electronics and trips all over the country to learn about different industries and spark interests… And their priceless love. But even if they’d survived, they should have sacrificed their retirement stability to keep paying exploding higher ed costs for me? BS. At 18 I knew I was an adult & it was my time to take care of myself and, to the extent I could, give back to my parents. My biggest regret in life is that they died before I could take care of them the way I always dreamed of.
Shame on the deadbeat kids here who expect mom and dad to keep picking up the tab–at the tune of tens of thousands of dollars–for a rapidly devaluing commodity flooding the market.
I really believe what you said and how you said it.the kids today are a selfish bunch of ingrates who think they are owed something for nothing. Yeah always help and offer support when you can to kids but now these kids want the stuff that takes years and years of misery and toil and sweating at 40-80 hrs avweek at jobs or a job you hate in a place you never wanted to be ..I think when you turn 18 you claim to be a man…prove it! Hit a time clock you cuss every day but you do it because you love someone enough to do it .. I’m sick of 30 yr old children who demand you to visit them you to be the 2nd parent to the kids .the kids today are safety checked with helmets on bigwheels and the ridiculous way we try to keep them from every fall and scrape by protecting from falling…
They never get you have to fall a zillion times before you realize you arent going to have your dream job and you will get bumped ..you will not get picked ..and life doesnt end like a movie after 2 hours then it’s ok..I’m so glad I grew up in the 70s and feel sorry for these kids on a world that’s gone nuts –lol I believe the world went truly crazy when they could bottle water and sell it and people would actually buy it …
Well your life was different, they died and you was force to support yourself. They tried their best to give you everything, you can’t use your story and wonder why other people call their parents deadbeat. See my parents get to be parents whenever they feel like it, my mom has a good state job and her job give out scholarships, while my dad works as a truck driver as he’s a narcissist fuck. They both are greedy to claim me for taxes and always made a fight about me and took it to court to have full custody. Tear me apart with all the things they said I would be and what I won’t accomplish, I graduated high school with no child, never got left back, had a job after graduating high school but that sadly didn’t last long since nowadays you won’t get a job unless you know someone from inside already to pull strings for you. I’m 19 and my greedy mother wants to claim me still but I need to be in college full time, now here comes my dad because my mom doesn’t want to pay for monthly tuition and my dad doesn’t even have a good job, he barely works a week. Life is hard now and even though you’re about 27,29 years old the 6-8 year gap really changes things between us and how things are and how you’re so lucky to have job offers while I’m here every single damn day job hunting and signing applications and still don’t have a job in my hands for the past 7 months. I have no option but to join college and continue my passion and further my knowledge in that path to make my career and my parents all of a sudden want to consider me an adult now and lose contact with me and tell me I can support myself because the money isn’t spent on themselves. It doesn’t hurt my mom to by 800+ money on jewelry and drugs and cry broke and behind bills but 150 a month is going to make her live in the streets??? My dad only works 3 days out of the week because of his stupid manager and makes barely 350-400 and I try to comply with both of them, WHO FORCED ME INTO COLLEGE SP THEY ARE DEABEATS. don’t put your story about your parents and shake your head at other people, I wish my parents were dead.
I’m amazed at all the loser deadbeat parents on here. Most of you completely missed the entire point of the article. The article is NOT shaming parents who cannot sent their adult children to college, it is pointing out that there are people who are trying to manipulate the system, which in turn affects the students who ARE working hard on their own to pay for tuition.
In America you have the right to be as greedy as you want, but please don’t stand on a pedestal and preach to everyone going to college today that somehow the playing fields are even. It is a well known fact that the price of college has risen, so the older you are the greater advantage YOU had when it came to going to school. Anyone who had the chance to go to college in the 80s or before that had a privilege anyone today could only dream of. On top of that all the trade schools are gone. There are a lot less options than there were in the 80s. If you don’t understand that the college degree is the new 40K high school diploma than you are stuck living in the past.
You know Matt, I think you’ve hit the nail on the head here. The problem with the members of the older generation who are highly critical of what they assume are ‘lazy youth’ is that they don’t understand the value of a college degree.
My Father-in-law learned this the hard way when, at age 58, he tried to apply for an auto mechanic teaching position. With 40 years of on-the-job experience, he thought he was well qualified. Not only did he not get the job, they wouldn’t even look at his resume, telling him that he was unqualified as he did not have a college degree.
Unsurprisingly, he had previously refused to put any of his 3 children through even community college, stating that a college education is useless, as evidenced by the fact he and his wife had done perfectly fine without college degrees.
Of his 3 kids, only my wife is a college graduate. She paid for her own education, with help from FAFSA and grants. When she was done and had paid off her loans, her parents had the audacity to ask her to pay for their medical insurance, mortgage, and car payments.
I have to hand it to this boomer mentality. They have a real knack for projecting their flaws onto the next generation.
Some of these posts by supposed adults sound more like whining self entitled brats than any kid I’ve ever heard. YOU choose to have children. If you cannot afford to at least make an effort to prepare your children with an education to make their way in the world, then please do the world a favor and sterilize yourself! YOU OWE YOUR CHILDREN, YOUR CHILDREN DO NOT OWE YOU. They are only here because you chose to have unprotected sex. Married, or not, it’s still your choice you made to irresponsibly breed. I’m guessing it’s mostly cry baby boomer age people complaining about their kids, then bragging about how they don’t pay or help them with getting an education. As if that’s something to brag about. Cry baby boomers had everything handed to them, were able to drop out of high school and still get a decent job, then turn around and call others whiny and self entitled. They are the generation of the most deadbeat dads and party girl moms, then they act self righteous and tell everyone else to take personal responsibility when they never have done it themselves.
Matt,
Did it ever occur to you that one of the reasons that tuition and college costs have risen so dramatically is this notion that only way for a person to be successful is to go to an expensive college? You’re right, college costs have risen ridiculously. You’re right, it was a damn site more affordable thirty years ago. However, what you need to figure out is that if you want to be an adult then you need to accept the fact that as an adult you and you alone are responsible for what happens to you. You seem to have this delusional view that twenty five or thirty years ago there was an infinite supply of decent paying jobs for baby boomers so the boomers didn’t have to go to college. The fact is that twenty five to thirty five years ago unemployment in this country ran between 7% to 8.5%, not the 4% – 5% of today and there was no internet to do your networking, there was the U.S. Postal Service, a typewriter, envelopes and a lot of stamps to “get your resume out there”. The “high tech” solution was called a head-hunter and they charged a fee.
You know I actually agree with the article, I myself am a 25 years old and I had to renroll myself in a University to receive more aid as a student to complete my education cause I didn’t have support from my parents or any one else, and half the jobs I worked could barely pay my gas to work and on top I owed my parents money each month 400 a month extra which cut my money maybe to only 400 or even if that with taxes I had nothing back. Its pure isolation! I isolated myself from everyone and everything. They worked these so called ” hard” jobs but spend so much money on vacations and travel, but they couldn’t save a tuition or loan money to their children to graduate with bach. degrees so they can find a good job and not have to struggle this hard. It’s so sad what abuse some parents will put their children through no wonder there is a God to judge all of them at the end.Oh did I mention financial aid wouldn’t give me full grants or scholarships cause they made over 60,000 combined or more. I wasn’t qualified for it. And even now as a independent im still getting half grants and scholarships and have to take a lot of loans out still. I am not where near done and own already 10 grand in loans! I live in a scarce location where jobs are super competitive and are hard to keep cause of harassment and favoritism. So you tell me if I deserve to live like brutally while my parents live theirs? Why even have children ? if you can’t help them in life, I mean after all they had you for what reason? To use them to their needs? When they are older and incapable maybe then they will learn this but it will be too late, and that’s maybe why the nursing homes are full nowdays too.! LOL
I truely dont know about all this, but i do know that my daughter used my income($15,000 a yr) for her start. She then applied for several grants(Hope, and another one, i cant remember) and worked part time at a fast food chain. She was able to go to 4 yrs of college(Radiology Technican) with the grants and the part time job helped with gas. As a parent, i was not put through college by my parents and i felt it was a good learning experience for my daughter.
my bad…………the grants were Pell(paid for her schooling) and Hope(paid for her books), her part time job paid for her gas.
and yes in 4 yrs she graduated. Thank you.
Leesa, no one is expecting someone who makes 15K a year (and likely a single mother) to pay for their child’s tuition. The fact you helped your daughter, helped her find grants and decent loans, and helped her those four years and she graduated within four years speaks volumes. My parents refused my brother $100 one time towards educational cost. They make over 60K/yr. Only one of their four kids has a bachelor’s degree and that’s my brother and it took him almost 7 years.
Sorry not buying the excuses of the parents who CAN afford to help their kids out but just don’t. I call massive BS on the idea that the kid is suddenly on their own and cut off at 18 to sink or swim with parents who CAN help out. Thanks mom and dad. You brought the kid into the world and took on the responsibility which INCLUDES educating that kid with a college education to give them a better shot at adult life. If the kid is unmotivated or does not have the aptitude for college, then it’s understandable to not fund it. If the parents truly cannot afford it, then obviously the kid has to fund it themselves. Young couples need to realistically project ahead their future earning power and have the number of children that they can afford to fund THROUGH the college years. Don’t selfishly fill your household up with 2, 3, 4, or more kids to satisfy your own desires for a family if the resources aren’t enough to see the job THROUGH. Have one kid and see your responsibility through the college years if that’s all you can realistically afford.
LT,
I’m sorry but I’m just not buying the excuses of young men and women who are LEGAL adults and want to be treated like LEGAL adults, but who still want mommy and daddy to pay for their college.
Just when does your generation plan on growing up, taking responsibility, and paying their own way? You know…..like your parents……..i.e………..REAL ADULTS do.
News flash…..if you want to be treated like an adult, then start by acting like adults and taking responsibility for your life.
Rick, you obviously didn’t go to college. What’s with all those ellipses? The main point of the article wasn’t to shame poor parents like you, it is to point out some of the illogical conditions of financial aid.
Three periods ‘…’ is an ellipse. Any other number is something completely different. So clearly, not only does Rick not understand how ellipses work, he obviously doesn’t understand the economic and social climate of today. In all likelihood, when he was young, a college education was not a necessity even for advanced careers.
Today, you need a college degree for just about any decent job. Not to mention that the cost of college is absolutely insane and wages haven’t grown at the same rate as the cost of tuition. The cost of living and housing continues to grow at an accelerated rate as well.
Nice call out on the younger generation being lazy, all the while ignoring the background data that underpins our contemporary moment.
My parents helped me in every way they could. We’re Asian so it’s part of our culture. They came from nothing and worked hard their entire lives to build a good life, all the while sacrificing in every way they could to ensure I would do better. This basic principle of hard work to create a better future for the next generation is an ideal that is uncommon in other cultures. I am extremely grateful for them. In return, I understand that it is my duty to take care of them in their old age as well as to sacrifice for my kids if I am ever lucky enough to have children.
Work hard and I pass it on, because you can’t take money to the grave.
Matt,
Actually……I not only went to college, but in the years that followed I got two masters degrees. Actually the point of the article is to use the trials and tribulations of the financial aid system in a totally lame effort to try to “shame” parents into buying into the total b.s. that they somehow owe their kids a college education.
Lord have mercy son….what’s next? Your mom and dad owe you a $50,000.00 BMW for a first car?
It’s definitely time for you and others to grow up and take responsibility for your lives. Maybe if your parents hadn’t given you everything you’d know how to act like and, more importantly, be a man and be accountable for yourself.
Parents don’t have to give excuses not to buy crap adult children want. That’s what “adult” means. YOUR life–your expenses.
I am currently working on my B.S. Biochemistry. I am in school almost full time and take summer classes as well. I work full time making double minimum wage for a chemical company. I am married with a child and I claim independent. I am 22 years old. I receive federal aid for half my tuition and pay the other half myself. My parents told me they’d never help me financially after I turned 18. My parents have a paid off their home and have a lot of money saved up. Some parents are just selfish and like to see their kids suffer. My father has a college education and his parents helped him pay for it. Some parents are just selfish and you have to learn to be independent and not rely on your parents. I’d consider myself kind of poor right now but I get by and hey I know things will get better once I get my degree.
Son,
Someday……when you’ve spent a lifetime working hard as hell and saving money, you’ll have lots of money and a paid off home too so that you can enjoy your golden years and have a nice retirement.
I’d sure be interested to hear your parents side of why they wouldn’t help you pay for your college and whether or not your dad got any help from your grandparents paying for his college.
Some children just don’t want to grow up and make up stories that they think will sound sympathetic to others. Your story sounds a lot like one of those tales of imaginary abuse by so-called selfish parents.
Often kids don’t grow up because their parents haven’t grown up either.
Your parents are doing you a big favor. Someday you’ll be glad they did and you’ll be appreciative. Life is hard and things aren’t given to you.
Yeah right. His parents will regret not helping when they need help and he rightfully refuses to help them (as he should).
Last few things. The website below will tell you that dependency works in one direction. One you are overriden from dependent to independent you can not be set back to dependent. By going to a new school they may require a new override, but they can just continue with the decission the previous school made. Only 2% of independents are via override. Not many people go in to request for override because they go off the questions solely in FAFSA. Sadly even if you think you meet all the requirements for a override you may not get it, but if your told no you go back and you ask for a meeting to see if more information will help. Fight harder.
Dan is correct. They can provide overrides for dependent to independent based on the peramiters he had outlined. Also they have a very strong list of what requirements must be met to receive an override. It does not sound impossible nor dounting. You just need to speak with financial aid and get info. To be honest every teacher I have come across during college has stated you can always fine financial aid if you need it. Department of Education has a huge amount of funds and never fully exhausts the money available for financial aid. Outside of that statement its very foulish to think that you are splitting hairs on things or abusing the system by asking for a override. As one stated below why wait until 24? Seems unfair. Why let only low income parents get someone qualified? I’d say make that a moral dilemma when someone making a million dollars plus earns a new tax bracket. Either way fight to get the financial aid you can/should have.
Work any and all avenues. Once you receive that degree and a good job always remember to do a little to give back(again hopefully when they throw in a new tax bracket for the million plus maker). Try to work and go to school while getting finicial aid, save and you will be very well off from the get go. Have fun. I have also seen may people complaining here and on other websites that those missing parents and living on their own with parents they don’t contact/that wont support them going school are out of luck. That is not true as Dan pointed out. A YEAR OF LIVING ON YOUR OWN AND WITH NO SUPPORT CAN QUALIFY YOU. You must not have contact with them and usually another circumstance, some type of mental or physical abuse. To be honest them mentally belittling your right to pursue education, stating you can’t make it in school and I’m sure physical fights/threats to go with it can all work. Not knowing where your parents are at is qualifying. The big point is try and worst is they say no. Just make sure you give all details regarding your situation and provide for yourself/live with another for a year. The link below gives all the details with examples. Take a look.
http://www.finaid.org/educators/pj/dependencyoverrides.phtml
My grandson, who has lived with me for fourteen and a half if his 16 years…by design, I am not guardian…and whose father is a millionaire is being told he must go in debt to finance his college. I am greatly disturbed by this. I want to go to Court to force the father to pay.
Why can’t your grandson grow the “he!!” up, act like a man and take responsibility for his how life which means paying for college if he wants to go?
Seriously what’s next………..take parents to court because some little brat wanted a BMW and only got a chevy?
In these last two years before your grandson turns 18, it might be a good idea to at least try to instill the values of self-reliance, taking responsibility and acting like a man. Otherwise that boy is going to be in for nasty set of experiences in life that he will be ill equipped to handle.
You have got to be kidding me! I tell ya what, when my husband and I get done paying OUR student loans and finish saving for OUR retirement, which by the way you can’t get a loan for, then maybe we will help our child. Our child whose degree would cost close to $200,000 at her chosen schools. Our kids have know from early elementary school that they should plan on paying for all their own schooling. They all knew/know that they will need lots of scholarships and will have to work hard. Our oldest is just now finding out there is no SANTA paying for college and she’s none to happy. Sorry, suck it up kids. I’m not asking for tax payers to pay, I’m telling my kid to pay! Good God what is wrong with you! SMH.
I have to say the more I read these comments the more I find I DO blame parents…. but maybe not for the reason stated in the article. Parents of this college age group have spoiled/managed their kids lives to the point where they seem to think the world OWES them something.
That is a PARENTING issue. That being said, regardless…
good luck kids competing in a global economy with that kind of attitude. The rest of the world does not care about your sad story.
Remember to thank your parents when they’re old for all the support they gave you and for teaching you struggle at such a young age. Then remind them that you can’t support them because you couldn’t find a job for college, therefore didn’t go to college, and now you’re stuck in a menial job that barely supports your own family — so now they have to wipe their own wrinkly butts 🙂
Somehow I seriously doubt with your “work ethic” or……..lack thereof coupled with that lazy and self entitled attitude that you’ll ever be in a position to take care of anybody.
I worked in Financial Aid for over 5 years and it was heartbreaking when a young kid couldn’t qualify for anything simply because the parents refused to even sign the form. That is the real rub. Parents can be deadbeats in this way by refusing to help the kid complete the form. Then what does the kid do? All of these comments say that kids should work their way through, but without a completed FAFSA, you can’t even take out the student loans that a dependent student is allowed (which is a lot lower than independent students, as parents are expected to take out the parent PLUS loan). On top of all of that, some of these kids escaped abusive households and we are asking them to walk back up to their abusers and ask for help?? Unless there is documentation supporting an abusive household, it is extremely hard to get a waiver for independent status. And I believe that you had to be emancipated before a certain age for that to count.
I’m not saying that parents should pay everything, but I see an awful lot of people having more kids than thto pay for a college education that costs a lt more than it did when they “worked themselves through college.” In addition, housing and living expenses have sky-rocketed while the minimum wage jobs they could get are not even going to allow them to survive on their own, let alone pay tuition!
Jessica,
You NAILED it. This is exactly what I went through with my parents. I grew up in an abusive dysfunctional household and escaped at 18. People do not understand how hard it is for a young person in this position. On top of this, mine were lying and claiming me on their taxes for a long time after I left their house at 18. I recall that causing problems with financial aid in and of itself. I tried challenging it unsuccessfully. They caused obstacles for me that went far beyond simply not helping with college. For a while, they made it impossible for me to obtain help from other sources. It was hard. I was well into my 30s before I had my education and career going. I’m doing okay. But I can’t help but wonder what I could have done with supportive parents helping me out early on.
“Parents can be deadbeats in this way by refusing to help the kid complete the form. Then what does the kid do? All of these comments say that kids should work their way through, but without a completed FAFSA, you can’t even take out the student loans that a dependent student is allowed (which is a lot lower than independent students, as parents are expected to take out the parent PLUS loan). On top of all of that, some of these kids escaped abusive households and we are asking them to walk back up to their abusers and ask for help??”
This happened to a friend of mine. He received a full scholarship to a very excellent 4 year music conservatory (with a BA).
His spiteful parents who were divorced each wanted to claim him as a dependent.
As an excuse, his (wealthy) father claimed that the family were “professionals” and that music was not a respectable career, so he would not sign papers for son to receive a full scholarship!
Fast forward 25 years. Guy completed music conservatory with huge student debt because of parents’ drama.
He paid the debt and, after many years of struggling, is now doing very well as a professional musician.
Can you guess who is ready to take all the credit now? Mom and Dad, of course.
These stories of parents resenting and hating their kids for seeking a brighter future are sickening.
If you don’t like your spouse and are too cheap to help your offspring, what the heck are you complaining about your child being entitled? That is basically abuse and complete lack of care for your own progeny.
I will be very interested to see if this friend helps his parents, who basically ridiculed him most of his adult life, I hope he doesn’t. His siblings both became very successful professionals in more conventional fields. One of them sadly passed away at a young age. So now he is a “golden child”. It is just disgusting the pathetic excuses some people make and call themselves “parents”.
This remark by Jessica is, sadly, a very common occurrence. Some parents are, sadly, on their own “ego trip” regarding their child’s future.
And this is why there is so much entitlement today. I can barely make my own mortgage and I have 15 years till I retire. My parent’s social security isn’t enough to support them and sometimes I have to buy their groceries. I contribute to my childrens’ higher education by buying their books and supplies as well as a $250/month allowance for food and gas. I am far from a deadbeat. They are learning that if they want something, they need to figure it out. They do not give up. My son is about to receive his Masters degree and he will hardly be in debt because he’s working his tail off. My daughter is pushing through and in her second year. When all is said and done, they can honestly say they earned it.
My husband and I are in this boat now. We haven’t made that much over the years. He recently finished his four-year degree and I finished mine in 2012 (still paying my loans). What we made this past year is way above what we used to make. I have a daughter graduating this May (her dad and I are divorced.) He refuses to help with anything. He does pay child support, but no other expenses. She is a little disappointed, but will have to go to a local college at least for now. We have offered her a place to live or part of the expense, but can’t pay it all and told her she would have to work some. Because of our income now, she didn’t qualify for financial aid. It will be scholarships and loans if need be. She does well for the most part, but has a hard time understanding about pitching in at home if you’re not paying the bills. Not sure how this will work out. It’s also hard for her to see some friends of hers get a free ride to a school she would love to go to because of ethnicity, single mom, etc. He dad makes about 40,000, I make about 35,000 per year. They are basing her financial aid off of her step-dad’s new income, when her real dad wont’ lift a finger. I don’t think that is right. We live in Texas, I don’t think we have laws to make her dad help with college. My husband is more than happy to help with college, but we don’t have much available and it is frustrating that her dad doesn’t think it’s his obligation. Also, I have a niece who couldn’t qualify as an independent kid even though her dad died when she was in high school and she is now 22 I believe. Her mom’s job is probably a little over minimum wage. Not sure how any kid under 24 gets to be considered independent. they need to fix things for sure.
Too bad your daughter’s own dad does not contribute to her education. That’s not the State’s problem. That’s HIS problem.
I am sure your daughter is very disappointed and sad that her own Dad does not see fit to help with her higher education. She is not deaf or blind.
I would encourage your daughter to keep her focus on her education, set her goals and do not allow the drama of her unwilling biological father to deter her from achieving her best. Let her know you are behind her 100%.
It’s bad enough her own parents couldn’t stay together. Most kids are more emotionally impacted by divorce than their parents ever realize.
Don’t let money and divorce laws distract her from completing her education. It’s hard enough to be a student, never mind dealing with parental divorce/money drama.
It happened to me. My parents dragged me through the mud over who
should pay for what and completely lost
sight of my own educational goals.
I was actually just planning on going it alone part time to avoid their toxic conflict. Eventually neither one of them paid anything and I had to do my best on my own (my original plan).
I am disgusted to this day that they put their bickering over whose obligation it was over my desire to get a higher education. It was an emotionally and psychologically draining experience for me.
Focus on your daughter’s accomplishments and goals. It is really “small change” in the end if her biological father does not participate. It is too bad and understandable that you and she are disappointed in his failure to step up
to the plate.
Not to sound macabre, but what if he were deceased? Wouldn’t you still want your daughter to succeed?
I wish her luck!
“Are you at least 24 years old?” This gives me a knot in my stomach and fills me with rage. It is a booted foot on the neck of kids who grew up in abusive households. Because I went to college so very long ago, I was able to move out and declare myself an independent student and complete a four year degree against my father’s wishes. He and his church do not believe women should go to college.
Now, a young person in a situation similar would be blocked from getting the aid necessary to complete a degree. Even a less violent parent could exercise inappropriate control by merely threatening to withhold support before an adult child pursuing a degree is 24 years old. I suppose we have bean counters and parents like Dan to thank for this abysmal situation.
Meanwhile, thousands of young people are going to college in Europe with very little out-of-pocket cost. The exorbitant cost of college makes America less and less competitive with the rest of the world. As long as we view any investment into our own people and our own nation as “socialism,” we may as well get used to a rocky economy.
Thank you visitor. As a woman who has religious parents that think a woman is only successful if she had a family this caused me a great amount of strife and largely contributed to me not finishing.
I see no moral problem in parents of ANY financial status deciding that once children have become adults the purse strings will be cut. I’m 27, left home when I was 17 for college, and I have supported myself since. Regardless of how much my parents make, I’d never presume to lay claim to their money. They’re in their 40s now and have worked their entire lives very hard to support me and my siblings–paying for every need each of us had until we left home for school. Now it’s time for them to enjoy their lives. They’re not walking banks to accommodate the banking and educational industries’ unrealistic educational costs for four children.
No one should feel entitled to parents’ cash. And while an education MAY be important, it’s increasingly debatable, given the cost of an education and the job prospects in the US, just as with other things that are perceived to be important to modern life–cars, houses, even computers–young people ought to earn them. Poor people in this country struggle to make ends meet and many don’t feel entitled to expensive college programs (even state and 2-year program costs have mushroomed). So people my age and younger are likewise not entitled to have others slave away to throw at schools whatever colleges demand in tuition.
I’m with the father above. If I ever have kids, I’ll do everything in my power to provide them safe childhoods secure in as many of the privileges the West can provide. But once they’re adults ready to leave the nest, they’re on their own financially, outside of dire emergencies. Thankfully, the rest of us don’t have to care what others think about our decisions because the law does not mandate that parents continue supporting adult children.
Young man you are rare in your willingness to grow up and take responsibility. I suspect that ultimately you’ll succeed in whatever you put your mind to doing.
I’m 40 and married and my wife makes about 300k a year. We maintain separate finances as we married later in life. When it came to applying for financial aid, I have to include her income even though I don’t directly benefit from it. What I’m learning is that due to her income, regardless of whether its available to me, prevents me from getting any financial aid whatsoever. But they’ll let me take out loans, which I cannot afford.
So I’ve decided, unilaterally, to divorce so that I may return to school. Obviously, I’ll need to talk to an attorney, but does anyone know of any pitfalls on the financial aid side of this? I understand all the other aspects, taxes, health insurance etc.
Thanks
Hi James,
If you would an undergrad and you would also be very low-income, you could qualify for a Pell Grant which is under $6,000 a year. To get the full Pell Grant, your income would have to be $24,000 or less. If you have a higher income, what you would qualify for would be loans. And you’d get loans whether or not you were married.
I’d say the cost of the divorce would exceed any benefit (and likely none) for getting divorced before returning to school.
Lynn O.
If you aren’t very low be destitute as an undergrad, the
James,
I hope to God that your not divorcing your wife so that you can return to college.
Frankly sir……..that idea is one of the absolute dumbest ideas I’ve ever heard.
In plain words and pardon my “french”……….get your head out of your ass and take some online courses.
I would assist my child through college. Perhaps not in full, but it’ll contribute. Many forget that one day we’ll all be old, grey, and in a position of needing our kids to help us. By then, hopefully, they’ll also be handling a family and full time job. Yet, despite all that, wouldn’t you hope that they will still find time to be in your life? I wouldn’t suddenly turn my back on my child after turning 18, similar to how she wouldn’t ,hopefully, turn her back on me when I’ll need her. Obviously this applies if you can help support your child through this time of their life.
Increasingly, adult children do NOT support aging parents. A survey of financial advice websites discloses the consensus that older parents should not “burden” their adult children who are responsible for their own families, and that older parents should have prioritized saving for their own retirement years. Even China had to pass a law recently requiring adult children to visit periodically elderly parents. It’s a global problem as we embrace independence and mobility more and more–that elders are left on their own.
I will not sacrifice my own ability to survive my future for the CHANCE that children I support indefinitely may take care of me when I’m old. I neither want that nor trust that it would happen.
It is an unfortunate fact of life in our society today that parents are seen as “burdens” as they get older. A couple generations ago, it was common place to see three if not four generations under one roof. It was called “family”. However, as material possessions and self-centered desires became more and more important, we stopped looking after our old, created a situation where over half of all marriages end in divorce, and where children are being raised in broken homes. While we may have a cell phone for everyone, three computers in each home, a TV in every room, and a driveway full of cars, we got all that “stuff” at the cost of our families. IMHO……a piss poor trade.
Unfortunately, much of the resentment the younger generation feels towards the older generation is very much embedded in the in-fighting that occurs across generational lines, as evidenced by this article and the comments debating the issues discussed above.
The idea of family is becoming increasingly insular and no longer crosses generational gaps the way it used to.
It’s a terrible trade-off as we increasingly replace people and relationships with material possessions. There’s bound to be a tragic ending to this kind of behavior.
Yeesh! I’m 17 and still trying to figure out what I want to do in the future, but I’m not expecting my parents to pay every cent for college.. I’ve tried applying to countless jobs to at least START saving but haven’t had any luck. So I know the struggle of that spectrum of life. I want to pay as much as I can for college. I won’t be going into any expensive colleges, just community/state colleges so I won’t rack so much debt. I’m really trying to find a way to start saving money but my parents insist I focus on graduating high school and focusing on getting good grades. But I can’t help but feel like sort of a burden at times because I didn’t start saving way earlier. But that’s because I didn’t understand the importance of saving back then.
I think that it’s ultimately the parents decision if they want to pay for their college education but at the same time, they must teach them good saving and financial practices as they grow up. And know that not all teens-young adults are ‘spoiled’ or ‘entitled’. I’m also planning on saving up for my own first car, which will be used and in good condition. Then after at least 1-2 years of driving experience or more if needed, I’ll get MYSELF a nicer car. I’m not expecting my parents to pay for that and I really don’t want them to because I feel it will take away the feeling of accomplishment I’ll get once I finally do achieve this financial goal, along with many others. I wasn’t handed everything on a silver platter. I earned what I have currently.
You also must know the state of the economy and how college prices are rising, as one person has mentioned above. The price tag is increasing and, if you’re wanting or planning for your kids to go to college, (and if you plan on helping or paying for a portion for it, even if it’s tiny.) you can also put some away and add into it over time. It really depends. Both you and your child can discuss this and make a plan on how you’re going to help if you are going to help (doesn’t need to be paying for EVERYTHING)and set boundaries. There’s so much more to touch on that subject, but that’s the basic gist of it. 🙂 But all in all, no one is forcing the parents to pay for every cent, at least I’m not. And I’m sure others feel the same way.
But yeah, that’s just my opinion/how I see it. Good luck to those who decide to decide to go to college! 🙂
Yeesh! I’m 17 and still trying to figure out what I want to do in the future, but I’m not expecting my parents to pay every cent for college.. I’ve tried applying to countless jobs to at least START saving but haven’t had any luck. So I know the struggle of that spectrum of life. I want to pay as much as I can for college. I won’t be going into any expensive colleges, just community/state colleges so I won’t rack so much debt. I’m really trying to find a way to start saving money but my parents insist I focus on graduating high school and focusing on getting good grades. But I can’t help but feel like sort of a burden at times because I didn’t start saving way earlier. But that’s because I didn’t understand the importance of saving back then.
I think that it’s ultimately the parents decision if they want to pay for their college education but at the same time, they must teach them good saving and financial practices as they grow up. And know that not all teens-young adults are ‘spoiled’ or ‘entitled’. I’m also planning on saving up for my own first car, which will be used and in good condition. Then after at least 1-2 years of driving experience or more if needed, I’ll get MYSELF a nicer car. I’m not expecting my parents to pay for that and I really don’t want them to because I feel it will take away the feeling of accomplishment I’ll get once I finally do achieve this financial goal, along with many others. I wasn’t handed everything on a silver platter. I earned what I have currently.
You also must know the state of the economy and how college prices are rising, as one person has mentioned above. The price tag is increasing and, if you’re wanting or planning for your kids to go to college, (and if you plan on helping or paying for a portion for it, even if it’s tiny.) you can also put some away and add into it over time. It really depends. Both you and your child can discuss this and make a plan on how you’re going to help if you are going to help (doesn’t need to be paying for EVERYTHING)and set boundaries. There’s so much more to touch on that subject, but that’s the basic gist of it. 🙂 But all in all, no one is forcing the parents to pay for every cent, at least I’m not. And I’m sure others feel the same way.
But yeah, that’s just my opinion/how I see it. Good luck to those who decide to decide to go to college! 🙂
What? Parents are responsible for the children until 18. That’s it. They can choose to pay for college or not. The end.
In Mississippi the parents are responsible for Student loans and the kid until they are 21. It sucks but each state is different. The State Colleges here know that and won’t let you get federal aid without parents info. I have a 19 year sister who lives fostered out of CPS, but lived with another sister who refuses to put her name on any student loan info. She said it’s our Mom’s job. But our Mom is homeless and we don’t know where she is at and she doesn’t work to file taxes. It’s sad for my baby sister but we will keep trying to get her into school.
Then I’d relocate out of Mississippi. Until the US redefines adulthood as starting at age 21, my financial responsibilities for my adult children ends at 18. Anything else I would do for them, and I admit that I’d do what I could, is a gift–not an obligation.
Before moving to Mississippi, I’d look that one up again if I were you.
Per the Mississippi Bar:
“Child support responsibilities usually end when the child turns 21 years of age, graduates high school, enters the military, gets married, changes their name, becomes self-supporting or is adopted by a third party.
If we allow 18 year olds to vote, join the military, make binding legal contracts, work full time jobs, live on their own independently, then I’d like to know why the age isn’t 18 as it is in many states.
Queen Bee,
So do you expect your kids to take care of you when you’re old? What do your adult kids owe you when you are elderly? I’m just curious. I think I know what you’re going to say.
Hello. I just wanted to make it a point that going to college nowadays is hard. When I was in high school, I was told that I will have to pay my own way into college if I wanted to attend one, which I did. I’ve been working a minimum wage and paying for all my bills except for rent.
The sad thing about going to college on “dependent” status while my folks make too much money for me to qualify for financial said is that I will never see any of the tax return money from educational credits back to me. I paid my tuition, books, cell phone, and other costs on my own without family’s help. Since my family will claim me as “dependent”, they will get back the money I spent on education as the educational credits (hope credits) and I won’t see a dime of it. Even though I don’t pay rent, I do still help out around the house with cleaning. It’s just sad that my family won’t help out with chipping perhaps some money they got back from the educational credits when they are well off themselves. One member of my family makes more than $200,000 per year and another $90,000. I’ve been working while going to school but I still help out around the house. Keep in mind that I am barely home. Most of my time are spent on school, work, and buses.
I understand their value in them having me to pay for my own stuff but a little help will be nice… It’s very emotionally draining thinking that they won’t help as if they don’t care for me at all.
Hello. I just wanted to make it a point that going to college nowadays is hard. When I was in high school, I was told that I will have to pay my own way into college if I wanted to attend one, which I did. I’ve been working a minimum wage and paying for all my bills except for rent.
The sad thing about going to college on “dependent” status while my folks make too much money for me to qualify for financial said is that I will never see any of the tax return money from educational credits back to me. I paid my tuition, books, cell phone, and other costs on my own without family’s help. Since my family will claim me as “dependent”, they will get back the money I spent on education as the educational credits (hope credits) and I won’t see a dime of it. Even though I don’t pay rent, I do still help out around the house with cleaning. It’s just sad that my family won’t help out with chipping perhaps some money they got back from the educational credits when they are well off themselves. One member of my family makes more than $200,000 per year and another $90,000. I’ve been working while going to school but I still help out around the house. Keep in mind that I am barely home. Most of my time are spent on school, work, and buses.
I understand their value in them having me to pay for my own stuff but a little help will be nice… It’s very emotionally draining thinking that they won’t help as if they don’t care for me at all.
Bless your heart. We are paying for all three of out children’s educations. We feel it is our responsibility to do this until they graduate from college and can stand on their own (we could give a rat’s ass what the legal adult age is). We love our children way too much to do something like that to them. It’s called love and caring for them. We feel for you. You have our support for sure. Wishing you the best of luck in everything.
Good for you! Do you think for one moment that other parents that cannot provide as you don’t love their children? MAYBE they cant afford it as you and you should be compassionate for those instead pretending to be parents of the year!
SOSJF was replying to a person who indicates her family’s combined income is $290,000 per year. They can afford it!
You do a disservice to your children with a free ride, Spoon feeding, in the long run only teaches the shape of the spoon, understand? Wake up!, would you,
That’s just what happened to me. Your parents are committing a federal crime by claiming you on their taxes if what you say is true. Ask your father if he expects you to follow the law. When he says yes, of course, ask him why he’s breaking federal tax law.
Pay for it your damn selves you ingrates! Quit sponging off of mommy and daddy! I’ve got a kid in college and he knew full well if he wanted a post secondary education he would have to work to pay for it. Geesh! What a bunch of entitlement brats some kids become.
Sue, don’t have kids if you don’t plan on supporting them. It’s a simple calculus. Though, your comment is a few years old, and I can tell you are a boomer. So maybe you kicked the bucket already. In which case, I would be very happy.
Pay for it your damn selves you ingrates! Quit sponging off of mommy and daddy! I’ve got a kid in college and he knew full well if he wanted a post secondary education he would have to work to pay for it. Geesh! What a bunch of entitlement brats some kids become.
Amen! I left home for college just before turning 17. My freshman year my mom helped me, but I worked and applied religiously for grants and scholarships. By 18 I was wholly independent. I know things are different today, but for god’s sake. How many decades are parents expected to be open wallets? Sheesh!
They’re trying to. But want to know the difference between me renting a room while I go back to school and an 18 year old paying you exactly as much every month to live at home as I do for my room? I get grants, but since your kid lives at home, he gets nothing. Trust me, for those grants, your kid would love to be considered independent, but it’s just not that easy.
The cost of school also matters. It’s not just paying for classes, but also books. If there’s no good local colleges, then housing has to be added in. If you make too much money, there’s a chance you kid won’t be able to get enough aid to cover school on his own.
And that’s the complaint they have. They can’t get enough aid because they legally considered your dependents, but you refuse to help them pay for school. Your generation created this mess, I think it’s fair to expect your generation to cover the cost. Unless, we could maybe push for laws that allow 18 year olds to consider themselves independent and have their ability to get aid for school based purely off of themselves and not their parents… But no, screw those kids. Work part time at Burger King, but not be able to afford anything, because burger king is only for losers and they shouldn’t be able to support themselves.
How much is enough help? Should parents get to have a say in the choice of schools that their children attend? Our children chose expensive schools without consulting us and then seemed to think we owed them a full ride. We helped them with tuition and other things. We thought they were doing well but turns out they were harboring resentment towards us for not paying more. They resented us for taking vacations and finally being able to buy new cars. We struggled for many years to provide them with a comfortable lifestyle while denying ourselves but they felt they were owed the same free comfort as adults. They were more than welcome to live in our home rent free, with all meals included and attend a reputable university in our area. That was not good enough for them and now they feel justified in cyber stalking us and taking our their perverted revenge. Relationships have been damaged due to their sense of entitlement. These people are shallow, self centered and profoundly entitled.
How much is enough help? Should parents get to have a say in the choice of schools that their children attend? Our children chose expensive schools without consulting us and then seemed to think we owed them a full ride. We helped them with tuition and other things. We thought they were doing well but turns out they were harboring resentment towards us for not paying more. They resented us for taking vacations and finally being able to buy new cars. We struggled for many years to provide them with a comfortable lifestyle while denying ourselves but they felt they were owed the same free comfort as adults. They were more than welcome to live in our home rent free, with all meals included and attend a reputable university in our area. That was not good enough for them and now they feel justified in cyber stalking us and taking our their perverted revenge. Relationships have been damaged due to their sense of entitlement. These people are shallow, self centered and profoundly entitled.
Some of these comments are insane. Calling us spoiled or entitled for simply wanting help with our education costs is just unfair. And I don’t want to hear about what you went through raising us or what you spent on us for the past 18 years. That is what you are supposed to do. Children don’t ask to be born and your job as a parent doesn’t end when we turn 18. Life is much more difficult then when you all were in school. Due to the current state of our economy (which your generation ruined) it is damn near impossible to be able to afford basic expenses yet alone college tuition. Even the government expects a certain amount of family contribution and makes it fucking impossible to qualify as independent. Everyone (with the exception of those who are poor) has a responsibility to invest in their child’s higher education. Refusing to do so isn’t “tough love” it’s just selfish and incredibly crippling to your child’s future.
Let’s see if you still feel that way after twenty years of exhausting your life caring for–and loving–your own children until they’re legal adults. From what I can see, adult children don’t wish to be saddled with the responsibility of caring for aging parents–regardless of how much those now-needy parents helped. So parents must plan very financially shrewdly for their own retirement. And they’re certainly entitled to enjoy SOME of life after sacrificing for 18 years (or more, if they have children of staggered ages). Adult children are not entitled to parents’ wealth. You’re entitled to what you earn.
Thankfully, now there is no law requiring parents to pay for children’s college educations. You’re entitled to your opinion, but I feel confident you’re speaking from a single perspective. At least as far as the law is concerned, parents are entitled to decide whether to help, and how much. The rest I’m reading here is merely opinion. Thankfully.
If caring for and loving your children was “exhausting” for you, then you should have never had children.
Some of these comments are insane. Calling us spoiled or entitled for simply wanting help with our education costs is just unfair. And I don’t want to hear about what you went through raising us or what you spent on us for the past 18 years. That is what you are supposed to do. Children don’t ask to be born and your job as a parent doesn’t end when we turn 18. Life is much more difficult then when you all were in school. Due to the current state of our economy (which your generation ruined) it is damn near impossible to be able to afford basic expenses yet alone college tuition. Even the government expects a certain amount of family contribution and makes it fucking impossible to qualify as independent. Everyone (with the exception of those who are poor) has a responsibility to invest in their child’s higher education. Refusing to do so isn’t “tough love” it’s just selfish and incredibly crippling to your child’s future.
Investing in their their child’s future can be love and support. If they don’t help us, we will have to work for it. Then we’ll actually appreciate it more because we see the return on our own efforts. I’m a college student myself. I’m working for it. My parents can’t afford to help me. I’m okay with that. Even if they could and didn’t I’d be okay with that because I’m not greedy or selfish. We’re not spoiled or anything. We’re stupid and lazy because we can’t figure it out on our own. Though love will help us figure out how to do it on our own and raise a family like they did. Yes times have changed. It’s so much easier to find ways to do it on our own with the internet.
It is a responsibility of every parent to assist somehow in helping their child transition to ADULTHOOD. Why do I say this? Simply because college is an option. There seems to be some comments from young people here that keeping referring to “how it used to be.” 30 plus years ago, if you wanted to attend college, you had one 2 options. A traditional college, public or private, which cost anywhere from 6000 a year to 15000 a year. The other option would have been a tech school which at the time might have had simply a few options for accredited programs mostly in the trade industry. Tuition cost today are un-acceptable; however, between multiple options from merit based scholarships, grants, loans, work study programs, bridge programs at tech schools to tech school multiple accredited degrees, as well as specialized trade schools and multiple job resource programs, you as a student have an advantage that did not exist prior. We personally have 4 young adult kids who are all completely different in their approach. My oldest chose to get her pre-cert in a medical program at a tech school and work part time her first two years of school in that field, securing her a place to apply independently for financial aid and grants. Now she is a nurse. Two of my kids went to trade school and managed to do the same thing. One of my kids went to tech for a year on a presidential scholar program then transferred to a traditional college working toward med school. What did we as parents do. We supported them by taking them to the programs, introducing them to the schools, talking to advisors and helping them see the many options. Financially, we pitched in for books, some room and board and that was it. You kids are young adults who have to realize that the smallest of notions that parents doing what you expect IS a sense of entitlement. If your parents were financially irresponsible and were deliberate in making your life difficult as a child by truly neglecting you, my apologies BUT if not, face the other reality. Parents who during your childhood years truly worked hard, lived within their means, took care of themselves well while feeding, sheltering and guiding you, they know something you have to learn now. You are entitled to nothing and should take what you know, listen to them and start guiding yourself. Propel yourself forward without reservation.
Beautifully said….i so agree with you! I have 2 daughters currently in college locally of thier choice and i help where i can with room and board and other necessities and they are so happy with that beautiful respectful girls that realize how hard it is these days…
No sweetie, you and your self-entitled generation aren’t “simply asking for help with your education costs”. Rather you and your contemporaries want someone to step up and simply pay for you to go the college of your choice, major in the often useless major of your choice (which means when after often more than four years you’ll be able to use that useless degree to get a wonderful job at McDonalds and still live at home with your parents), and graduate only to enter a job market where you’ll have literally nothing to offer anyone except McDonalds.
No sweetie it’s time for and your self-entitled generation to grow up, take responsibility (both moral and financial) for your lives, and do what the rest of us adults (you know adults like your parents) and pay your way in life.
Let’s see if you still feel that way after twenty years of exhausting your life caring for–and loving–your own children until they’re legal adults. From what I can see, adult children don’t wish to be saddled with the responsibility of caring for aging parents–regardless of how much those now-needy parents helped. So parents must plan very financially shrewdly for their own retirement. And they’re certainly entitled to enjoy SOME of life after sacrificing for 18 years (or more, if they have children of staggered ages). Adult children are not entitled to parents’ wealth. You’re entitled to what you earn.
Thankfully, now there is no law requiring parents to pay for children’s college educations. You’re entitled to your opinion, but I feel confident you’re speaking from a single perspective. At least as far as the law is concerned, parents are entitled to decide whether to help, and how much. The rest I’m reading here is merely opinion. Thankfully.
I don’t know about you, but I have a 4 year old child with a college fund and my in-laws have moved in with me. They have failing health, and no retirement savings. I can only assume that I will be “saddled” with them long-term. What would you have me do? Turn them out onto the street for making poor financial choices? But you know, mine is just a single perspective…
Out of curiosity did you think that your parents were “saddled” with you for the first 18 years of your life?
It’s the parents choice on whether to have kids or not. If they didn’t want those 18+ years of burden on them, then they shouldn’t have had kids. The end!
I’m a parent and i agree with everything you said. We are paying for our kids’ educations. I could NOT have put it any better. Really.
At what point young lady do you think that it’s actually time to grow up and take responsibility for yourself. Legally in this country the age of maturity is 18.
The fact that the federal government requires parental and grandparent’s income to be taken into consideration when assessing financial aid is a travesty. Individuals become legal adults in America at the age of 18, but somehow, the education industry has figured out a way to place students into a quasi-adult status the moment they walk through their doors. There is no other industry in America that has the power to bestow a quasi-adult status on anyone. Either the age of consent must be raised to 21 or the greedy colleges and federal government should consider only the income of the adult who is purchasing their services.
My parents never saved for me to go to college or anything. Even abused me verbally, emotionally, and physically so I would have low self-esteem and want to kill myself.
I’m almost 31 with a somewhat okay job and few friends, but still wonder about what life could have been like with medical care, a stable family life, some connections, and a little bit of tuition money.
Now, my father is in debt of his own making and uses me and my sister to pay it off, but we’re escaping soon… the two of us living together should be able to afford a house.
All in all, I’m contented with the idea that I can’t help him any more–solely because I want to watch him sink in the hole he dug for himself.
His mistakes will not haunt me, and should I be free to my own person. If I have children, I want to save for them early and encourage them to do well in school, but not be so strict they’ll seek alcohol and drugs as asylum. I want to be a better parent than he ever was.
I’ve been in your shoes. He may try to tell collectors that you have agreed to pay his bills and provide your phone number. You must be very firm in telling such callers that you did not incur these debts, you have no responsibility for these debts and that you will not pay them. Just repeat “No, no, not my debt. I am not paying a dime. No, nothing.” Hang up quickly. Never, never agree with entity with which he has debt to help pay any of his debts! Once you agree to help pay for a debt, your legal rights are compromised.
Be prepared for him to pitch a temper tantrum raging about his “sacrifices” and how he NEVER owed you anything. (Actually, the last part is untrue. Parents do owe minor children a duty of care.)
My parents never saved for me to go to college or anything. Even abused me verbally, emotionally, and physically so I would have low self-esteem and want to kill myself.
I’m almost 31 with a somewhat okay job and few friends, but still wonder about what life could have been like with medical care, a stable family life, some connections, and a little bit of tuition money.
Now, my father is in debt of his own making and uses me and my sister to pay it off, but we’re escaping soon… the two of us living together should be able to afford a house.
All in all, I’m contented with the idea that I can’t help him any more–solely because I want to watch him sink in the hole he dug for himself.
His mistakes will not haunt me, and should I be free to my own person. If I have children, I want to save for them early and encourage them to do well in school, but not be so strict they’ll seek alcohol and drugs as asylum. I want to be a better parent than he ever was.
richard April 2, 2015 at 1:34 pm #
Poor babies.
By chance did you factor in the costs your parents incurred during the first eighteen years of your lives?
At what point did you two actually plan on becoming adults and taking responsibility for your own lives?
I’m curious as to what you think are the correct proportions of “work hard” and “play hard”?
(Yes, since all children are allowed to work from age 1, and should be forced to do so in a country which has many laws preventing young people from working. This shit is delusional)
richard April 2, 2015 at 1:34 pm #
Poor babies.
By chance did you factor in the costs your parents incurred during the first eighteen years of your lives?
At what point did you two actually plan on becoming adults and taking responsibility for your own lives?
I’m curious as to what you think are the correct proportions of “work hard” and “play hard”?
(Yes, since all children are allowed to work from age 1, and should be forced to do so in a country which has many laws preventing young people from working. This shit is delusional)
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Having read so many comments from so very many self-entitled and spoiled children pretending to be adults, one can’t help but be concerned for the future of this generation and our country.
How about the self-centered parents that have way too many children? Or the ones that failed as parents and raised those “self-entitled and spoiled children?” You can help your child and not pay for everything. Parents who can afford to help their kids with college (read:not pay for everything, just help however they can), but choose not to do so since it would mean no fancy vacations or new cars…why did you have the kids to begin with? Do you just not like them? Having a child doesn’t mean caring for them for 18 years and then absolving yourself of any and all duty. I never asked my parents for anything other than completing the FAFSA. And that’s all they ever did for me, albeit not without a fight. I worked from the first week I started school, and came out with a BA and $5000 in debt. That is only because I qualified for some grant money. Had I not, I don’t know what I would have done, since there is a cap on how much student loans a dependent student can take out. After my rent, gas, car insurance and food, I barely had enough for books. I did not party and did not live extravagantly. I can’t even imagine what I would have done if I hadn’t qualified for enough to pay for my tuition at a state school. Perhaps you could suggest something for students in that situation, although since it’s been 15 years and both tuition and living costs have gone up, it would be even more difficult. Should they turn to illegal means of obtaining the money?
I don’t know what the answer is, but I think that there is a lot of disdain on both sides of this conversation that could be helped by both sides truly listening to each other. All we seem to do in this country is argue and hate on each other.
Having read so many comments from so very many self-entitled and spoiled children pretending to be adults, one can’t help but be concerned for the future of this generation and our country.
This post is a tad presumptuous. You seriously believe parents are deadbeats if they don’t pay for their kids education? You are so spoiled. Ruined for life with the way your brain is wired.
I grew up in a poor house. My father made great money, but had 9 children in total to support so they made sure we had a roof over our heads, and some food in our bellies and some toys to play with.
Our educations were not paid for. I put myself through college by myself, got grants easily enough. Paid for all my books, rent, food etc and now have a well paying job. With more respect for hard work and money than I had before.
I am now a mother of a 15 month old son. I have started an education fund for him, but I most certainly will not be paying for everything for him. Having to work hard for your position in life builds a good character and an appreciation for the education and money it took to get through it all.
I’ve seen so many people having their way paid, and they failed their courses miserably because as they put it “mom and dad will just pay for me next year”.
I find it really pathetic you think everything should just be given to you.
If you can’t afford to pay for college, than don’t. If you can’t afford to pay for the $60,000 a year college your kid was accepted to, than don’t. Maybe your kid shouldn’t have applied there in the first place! What happened to saying no? Are parents really that dense? No wonder kids are spoiled and manipulative today, the parents let it happen! Kids aren’t born being spoiled and entitled, they learn it! Usually, they seem to learn it from their parents who don’t know how to say no. If parents want their kids to take responsibility and not be spoiled, then they need to teach the kids how to do it! If you don’t want your kids to be handed things on a silver platter, then DON’T hand them things on a silver platter. Don’t know why people don’t get that concept!
Not being able to afford to pay for your child’s college doesn’t make you a deadbeat parent. I think deadbeat is a bit too strong a word to use here. A neglectful, abusive parents who doesn’t provide their child with food, clothing, and basic needs is a deadbeat parent. Not paying for college is doesn’t make you a deadbeat parent since college isn’t a basic need. I would say that most deadbeat parents wouldn’t pay for college, but then they probably didn’t provide much else for the child growing up. But, neglectful and abusive parents are a whole other issue entirely and it’s not really surprising that those types of parents wouldn’t pay for college. There are tons of loving parents who can’t pay for college for a variety of reasons, they are not deadbeats.
Also, technically our kids are adults at 18. But, are college kids really adults? When you look at frat parties and spring break, they don’t really look like adults. Most adults don’t do wet t-shirt contests and keg stands. Maybe if kids want to be treated like adults, they should act like it. Most adults I know, don’t drink and party every night!
Also, if you are paying for your kids college, it is perfectly resasonable to expect your kids to take responsibility! It’s amazing how many parents just throw $60,000 at their kids. If your kid was a deadbeat student in high school, do you really expect them to do well in college? If you’re worried about your kid failing and not going to class, why are you paying for them to go away to college? If your kid is not cut out for college…. Why are they going? If your college kid is truly an adult, then they should appreciate the sacrifice you’re making for them to get an wonderful education. They should be grateful for this gift that you are giving them. If you can’t provide this gift or would have to put your retirement on hold, then don’t pay for it. A mature kid who really has gratitude wouldn’t want their parent to take on debt or forgo retirement. But paying for a kid to party all for years, is irresponsible. If parents pay, there needs to be accountability on the part of the kid…step up and be a parent! Kids, be a grownup and appreciate the gift your parents are giving you by paying for your education. If you can’t accept that, then your’re not an adult! If mom and dad can’t afford to pay for college, then there are ways to do it yourself!
Parents, teach your kids gratitude and don’t hand your kids everything! If this had been taught from the get go, maybe we wouldn’t have this entitlement problem among young people! And kids, be grateful for what you have, show appreciation, and maybe be willing to pay for some things yourself, and do what you can to lessen the burden on mom and dad. And don’t expect mom and dad to forgo retirement or take on a ton of debt for your education! You can get a good education at a low price! And go to class! Don’t party away your degree! You’re at college for a degree, not a keg party!
Ha! I was removed from my deadbeat parent’s house at age 13, placed in state schools and a self-supporting independent minor at 17. Guess what? No school I ever applied to would consider me an independent student because my father claimed me on his taxes until I was 21. I was awarded independent student status at age 25 and still couldn’t go because the school thought my parents (and grandparents!) should chip in thousands. The upshot was that I wasn’t able to finish my BA until I was 32. Deadbeat parents, you’re nothing but crooks and your children are suffering for it. Worse, they’re learning to be just like you.
Since when did having a specific place in mind to further your education after high school become spoiled? Students like me should not feel bad or “spoiled” for wanting to go to a particular school even if we can’t afford it ! I for one will not feel bad for having a specific place in mind for pursuing my education. I don’t think it’s fair for kids to have to settle on a college just because it’s cheaper or easier, and as far as college kids go you’re being very stereotypical. No I don’t think parents should have to pay for everything their child owns, but I do feel that it should be there obligation to at least help
So if one were to apply Alyssa’s “logic of total entitlement” any 16 year old who wants a $70K BMW for a first car has a “right” to expect mom and dad to fork out the money to “help, huh…..
Young lady…………I hope you grow up and real soon because if you don’t and you keep sticking to this idea of total entitlement you seem to have life is going to teach you some very, very cruel lessons.
I think you’d be far better served to adopt an attitude of gratitude for everything you have and everything you have the opportunity to earn and achieve. That attitude is a good first step toward not only achieving what you’d like to do, have and be in life but also finding happiness in your life.
Ha! I was removed from my deadbeat parent’s house at age 13, placed in state schools and a self-supporting independent minor at 17. Guess what? No school I ever applied to would consider me an independent student because my father claimed me on his taxes until I was 21. I was awarded independent student status at age 25 and still couldn’t go because the school thought my parents (and grandparents!) should chip in thousands. The upshot was that I wasn’t able to finish my BA until I was 32. Deadbeat parents, you’re nothing but crooks and your children are suffering for it. Worse, they’re learning to be just like you.
Since when did having a specific place in mind to further your education after high school become spoiled? Students like me should not feel bad or “spoiled” for wanting to go to a particular school even if we can’t afford it ! I for one will not feel bad for having a specific place in mind for pursuing my education. I don’t think it’s fair for kids to have to settle on a college just because it’s cheaper or easier, and as far as college kids go you’re being very stereotypical. No I don’t think parents should have to pay for everything their child owns, but I do feel that it should be there obligation to at least help
So if one were to apply Alyssa’s “logic of total entitlement” any 16 year old who wants a $70K BMW for a first car has a “right” to expect mom and dad to fork out the money to “help, huh…..
Young lady…………I hope you grow up and real soon because if you don’t and you keep sticking to this idea of total entitlement you seem to have life is going to teach you some very, very cruel lessons.
I think you’d be far better served to adopt an attitude of gratitude for everything you have and everything you have the opportunity to earn and achieve. That attitude is a good first step toward not only achieving what you’d like to do, have and be in life but also finding happiness in your life.
And they are by saying, “I believe in you!”
Somewhere down the line in the last 30 years or so, the majority of parents have been brain washed into thinking that they are responsible for financing their ADULT offspring’s education. If an individual matures into adulthood and desires an education, he or she is responsible for their wants in life…not the parents who have their desires and dreams into later life.
Here is what changed it all. The banking industry. They banks know that if they can get families to save for their children’s education, they just doubled the amount of depositors to their institution of banking, therefore making a huge profit with simply touching on an emotional string of parents and warping their sense of responsibility of parenting.
Next, the mortgage companies will be saying that parents are responsible for their child’s first house and to start saving for the down payment…because, wouldn’t any loving parent want the best for their children?
It’s a poor investment for a parent to finance their child’s education. From an objective investment standpoint, the investor(parent) is not getting any return from the venture/borrower (child) and therefore just giving away there future finances without any return. Would a bank give away money to someone with expecting a return?
You people need to wake up! You all sound so entitled and selfish!!!!
Hey not to mention, wake up and realize now days its mostly better NOT to go to college and start your own business!
You want to take away your parents retirement for nothing!
My dad grew up so so poor.. As a father he was anything but a deadbeat! I was never hungry or without a birthday cake or fitting jeans unlike him growing up! He worked so hard to shelter me.
When it was time for college I remember being a bit surprised that all of my friends parents were paying for their college degrees and it was expected. When my dad told me he couldn’t I was a little sad but NEVER thought it was his responsibility!!!
I worked and paid for my own AA in Psychology before realizing I was wasting my time. … At least I didn’t waste their money too!!!!!
You have been lied to about the necessity to have a degree to be successful.. Do your homework and research all the unemployed graduates (YES INCLUDING NURSES AND LAYWERS!) then read about successful people like Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Walt Disney etc who didn’t graduate… Or how you can be very successful in blue collar jobs lil (gasp!) a plumber!
Guess what
Every single one of my fellow millenial friends and family that got BAs are in jobs that do not require or have nothing to do with their degree!!!!!
Be grateful you didn’t have real “deadbeat” parents and always had enough food, warmth, and joy!
I’m so scared for my generation…
Damn straight. So am I
Somewhere down the line in the last 30 years or so, the majority of parents have been brain washed into thinking that they are responsible for financing their ADULT offspring’s education. If an individual matures into adulthood and desires an education, he or she is responsible for their wants in life…not the parents who have their desires and dreams into later life.
Here is what changed it all. The banking industry. They banks know that if they can get families to save for their children’s education, they just doubled the amount of depositors to their institution of banking, therefore making a huge profit with simply touching on an emotional string of parents and warping their sense of responsibility of parenting.
Next, the mortgage companies will be saying that parents are responsible for their child’s first house and to start saving for the down payment…because, wouldn’t any loving parent want the best for their children?
It’s a poor investment for a parent to finance their child’s education. From an objective investment standpoint, the investor(parent) is not getting any return from the venture/borrower (child) and therefore just giving away there future finances without any return. Would a bank give away money to someone with expecting a return?
What a bunch of crap. Parents don’t owe you anything past age 18. I’m not working to death to pay for college. I deserve a decent retirement with my wife. I work a dirty union job on shift work I have 12 years left to retirement. I have retirement accounts and am going to get a pension. I will retire at 52. I will enjoy my life. I didn’t get spring break I got extra hours at work during those times I didn’t live in the dorms my parents let me live at home which I will allow my kids to do as well. Sorry if you people
Think that social security is retirement age it’s not.
Don’t have kids. It’s much cheaper and you can keep all of your money.
Thank you for saying the truth
Or use your brain. That’s much smarter. Matt is right
Clearly most of the people on this page are a bunch of ignorant retards. You can not have it both ways. Financial Aid believes it is the parents responsibility to pay for their off springs college. Now that is understandable to a point, when you have kids, you have to take on the debt, to want to punish the child for being born and saying “Well your 18, I dont care no more get the hell out is really irresponsible at least on a moral level”. However at the same time I do believe students should be allowed to be independent at age 18 and not be held back by if “Mom and dad want them to go to college and are willing to pay for it”. Its also very unfair since it punishes students of a higher income class. Your mom and dads income is not your income. What they should do is either make a law which requires parents to pay for at least 2 years of college, or else automatically makes students independent after the age of 18. Discriminating against students based on class is really fucked up. What kind of America do we live in where your family’s income determines if you get an education? Also the idea that you can pay for college on minimum wage part time job is such a joke. I dont even make enough and I work a job that pays 11 an hour and its barely enough to support myself. 8 an hour is not enough to make a living and there are still places which can pay less than 8 like waiter because of the “Tips” Rule.
What a bunch of crap. Parents don’t owe you anything past age 18. I’m not working to death to pay for college. I deserve a decent retirement with my wife. I work a dirty union job on shift work I have 12 years left to retirement. I have retirement accounts and am going to get a pension. I will retire at 52. I will enjoy my life. I didn’t get spring break I got extra hours at work during those times I didn’t live in the dorms my parents let me live at home which I will allow my kids to do as well. Sorry if you people
Think that social security is retirement age it’s not.
This topic is a struggle for me as I do feel that kids need to have some skin in the game. I paid for all of my college education and I really think it allowed me to be more financially responsible and I know that when we are hiring young talent, we try to find out if they paid for any of their education (we feel it says something about them).
Now with that being said, my husband and I have five children and we plan to contribute equally amongst their education. The money we are paying would offset a 4 year in state school (living on campus) by 60% and could also cover all their education depending on how they manage it. For example, our oldest child did a community college for the first year and is now transferring to a university where she will live on campus. She will be entering as a Sophomore so our support will go even further for her, but because she is choosing to live on campus she will need to fund some of her costs. Our 2nd child wants to attend a community college for the first 2 years and then transfer to a university near our house for his last 2 years (top notch school and he would live at home). He will have money coming back to him with this route, but that shows his maturity in how he is approaching this.
As much as I want to pay for anything they decide to do (and I’ll be honest, I could to a limit), I do feel that this is going to offer a huge life lesson for my children and it’s their decision if they want to incur educational expenses or not. Also, the reality is that I am only opting to not pay for the on campus experience…if my children choose to live at home and commute, they would be covered. I think that is fair, but I am sure many of you will not agree 🙂
This topic is a struggle for me as I do feel that kids need to have some skin in the game. I paid for all of my college education and I really think it allowed me to be more financially responsible and I know that when we are hiring young talent, we try to find out if they paid for any of their education (we feel it says something about them).
Now with that being said, my husband and I have five children and we plan to contribute equally amongst their education. The money we are paying would offset a 4 year in state school (living on campus) by 60% and could also cover all their education depending on how they manage it. For example, our oldest child did a community college for the first year and is now transferring to a university where she will live on campus. She will be entering as a Sophomore so our support will go even further for her, but because she is choosing to live on campus she will need to fund some of her costs. Our 2nd child wants to attend a community college for the first 2 years and then transfer to a university near our house for his last 2 years (top notch school and he would live at home). He will have money coming back to him with this route, but that shows his maturity in how he is approaching this.
As much as I want to pay for anything they decide to do (and I’ll be honest, I could to a limit), I do feel that this is going to offer a huge life lesson for my children and it’s their decision if they want to incur educational expenses or not. Also, the reality is that I am only opting to not pay for the on campus experience…if my children choose to live at home and commute, they would be covered. I think that is fair, but I am sure many of you will not agree 🙂
I encourage those who feel the need to label this generation of students as “self-entitled” or “lazy” to reevaluate their positions on the matter. I am a 19 year-old student living entirely on my own (read: I pay for my own food, rent, and bills), an have been doing so for about 18 months, now. I work full-time on the first shift (6 am – 2 pm) at a factory assembling and lifting heavy-duty coolers. It’s not easy work; I certainly get my hands dirty, but I can honestly say that I love it. I make a few dollars an hour more than minimum wage, and am able to support myself fairly effectively. However, I also need to pay for school. This is where I take issue with the way things work, presently. Contrary to what Dan had written in his post, I am NOT able to file as an independent student, despite having lived and worked for a year on my own. Instead, I have to get my parents’ information from them. I can’t even begin to state how much easier said than done this is, and I’m on good terms with my parents; I can’t imagine how much more difficult this would become being in conflict with them. My mother’s taxes are a mess. I quite literally cannot use her tax information on the FAFSA because she hasn’t filed them with the IRS in an acceptable manor. You’d think I’d be able to just file with my father’s information, but you’d be incorrect for making such a rational and fair assumption. Instead, the system calls for the use of the information belonging to the parent the student last lived with and subsequently, was supported by. It’s pretty darn inconvenient that I moved to my apartment from my mother’s house, then. Fortunately for me, living on my own support for a year DID allow me to do one thing to change the situation, at least temporarily. A rule lets me switch back and forth between my parents every year, which lets me get financial aid, or at least half of the time. This was only after paying for an entire year of college out of pocket and just barely scraping by. So, am I lazy? You’ll have trouble arguing that one. Do I think my parents should pay for my college? Nope. I want to be able to take all of the credit for my success. And yet I still have to go through them and use their ‘help’ because I’m still a dependent in the eyes of the FSA, and will be for 4 more years. Call me entitled if you’d like, but all I want is to be independent from my parents so that I can take out (and pay back) loans and pay for school. It’s rather frustrating to be stuck in this situation that I can do virtually nothing about, because it’s not like I haven’t been to the financial aid office a billion times asking questions and clearing up inaccuracies. So please reconsider the assumption that you know what sort of people these students are before making an ignorant, demeaning comment in regards to it. As one of those students, I really don’t appreciate it.
Dependently Independent,
Have you considered going down and enlisting in one of the branches of the U.S. Military? You could not only earn a lot of money for college, but also serve your country at the same time, thus, allowing you to reap the benefits of being a veteran in later life.
You’ve posted something to this effect more than once. Have you considered doing your recruiting elsewhere? Are you worried you won’t make your quota? Is the military still shipping recruiters with low numbers into hot zones?
Visitor,
Dick’s point is well taken. What is wrong with enlisting in one the branches of the U.S. Military? Joined the Navy out of high school and ended spending 31 years on active duty during which time I went to college, and had the privilege of serving the greatest nation on earth. While I realize that not everyone is looking for a career with the military (I initially joined with the intention of serving four years to get money for college), the benefits of serving one’s country in terms of money for college and numerous other benefits vets get makes it a good deal. Personally I think every 18 should serve for 3-4 years in government service (with mandatory basic military training). At the end of the term of service (provided the person had an honorable discharge) I think those people should be able to go to any state school in their home state tuition free.
Dick, you are a dock for suggesting the armed services after that insightful pay by dependently independent. Armed services are a joke. The military screws over children of the military in so many ways. I laugh at people that think the military is somehow beneficial to their kids. My dad was in the service for over 20 years and your know who suffered for it? His kids. Talk about a miserable experience. Avoid the military at all costs.
Kindly specify exactly how the military “screws over the children of the military in so many ways”. I grew up in a military family, my kids grew up in a military family and we were all just fine. In fact we enjoyed the huge benefits of military service that included healthcare and a whole host of benefits.
I am a single mother and I was attending college in 2014. I only had 8 courses to go when I found that I had no more financial aid. I need to know is there any programs out there for me that will help me? I was deceived by my school, and I am fighting them, but I need to know is there anyway I can get my degree?
I see a LOT of folks who rant and rave about “entitlement” and cry baby kids who need to pay their own way through school. Are you people completely delusional, because if you are reading this article then you have access to the internet so you should easily be able to find out THIS:
http://www.thewire.com/national/2011/08/chart-college-tuition-will-not-stop-rising/41325/#disqus_thread
College tuition has risen over 13 fold in the past 30 years. Most of that in the last 10 years.
Meanwhile, minimum wage ( and other low wage jobs ), you know the kind that a kid without a degree can get to help them pay for college? Yeah those. The earning power of those wages has declined like a ski jumper at the Olympics.
You folks are so busy being self-righteous and “wise” that you can’t do simple math.
YOU COULD NOT MAKE IT THROUGH SCHOOL ON YOUR OWN TODAY IF YOU HAD THREE SCHOLARSHIPS.
Now STFU and STFD while the rest of us logical adults figure out some solutions for this VERY REAL PROBLEM.
Have a nice day.
You’re exactly right. And I might add that most of these people didn’t have to have a college degree to do a temp job or work as a secretary. There are very few jobs one can work without at least a two year college degree. Personally, I has to work as a temp secretary for about ten years because where I lived no degree = you make minimum wage at a job with no growth path and no benefits. My father refused to pay a cent toward a state college degree yet my brother felt privileged and happy to do so for his son – and he made a whole lot less money. Go figure.
…and you’re actually somehow under the delusional belief that your parent(s)’ wages HAVE risen “13 fold in the past 30 years. Most of it in the last 10 years”?
The fact is that legally you’re an adult. The tragedy is that in reality you’re still a child. A child throwing a temper tantrum because “ultrajones” can’t have his/her way.
There are plenty of colleges out there that still have reasonable tuition costs that you could work your way through. If those choices don’t appeal to you, then I suggest you either temper your expectations and desires with a healthy dose of reality OR…………..that you actually grow up and take responsibility for your own life.
If you could read… They said tuition has risen 13 fold. Not parents wages.
If you had bothered to read you’d have seen that what Richard was saying is that salaries have not risen to match the 13 fold increase in tuition. A rise that BTW is ridiculous, but will continue until folks say ENOUGH and start to encourage their kids to attend the many lower tuition schools that are out there that have costs that are reasonable and represent excellent values in education.
I’m a junior at the u of o. I’m 32, have a wife, and a 10 yr old daughter. I moved us from FL to Oregon to pursue my dream of becoming a product designer. We sold everything we had to move here and had to completely start over with jobs and everything. About a years worth of credits did not transfer over from my community college in FL to community college in Portland. So I had to redo everything. After 2 more yrs I graduated, got my AA, and once again moved us. This time from Portland to Eugene. I have been at U of O for about a year now, I’m a junior with 135 credits, all my financial aid is maxed out, I don’t have good enough credit to get a loan, and I haven’t heard back from any scholarships I applied for. I just recently lost my job too. It was a BS $10 an hour job but I really needed it. Now I think my dream of becoming a product designer is over. It’s hard to have come so far and work on something for so many years, and the only thing standing in my way of getting my degree, working a job I love, and being able to get a job that pays enough to take care of my family is $20,000 more dollars for the rest of my classes. I don’t know if I can give up and be ok. But, I think all the hard work has been for nothing. I don’t think I handle this.
While reading these posts, I’ve never seen so many “spoiled free-entitlement liberal brats” in my life. We can all thank our dictator in the white house who stood up and said, “You didn’t earn that” or “You weren’t responsible for being successful.” Morons like him encourage free hand-outs to those who aren’t willing to get off their lazy asses and make something happen for themselves. To them, the world “OWES” them something.
What has happened to the work ethic in this country and what are we teaching our children? I will agree that when my wife and I went to college in the 1980’s, it was much cheaper than it is now. We are doing our best to help our two children any way we can, but they will need to have jobs on the side – especially during Christmas break and summer. They will have to maintain a decent grade point average or the financial help from Mom and Dad stops.
I am proud of both of my children because they’ve maintained academic standards of a 3.5 GPA and above and they’ve busted their back-sides – taking AP classes and being part of school activities. It bothers me that our government allows illegals to come into this country, get everything they want and the rest of us flip the bill.
If you want to be successful, you need to hit the floor running and make it happen. The world owes you nothing.
To Mark: I went to Ivies for undergrad (dual majored) and grad school. My parents paid for everything. I did well, had amazing experiences and went on to found an engineering company. I retired several years ago at 45. I fully expect to pay for my kids too. I feel sorry for the scratching and clawing students – mostly at state schools; so many missed opportunities and wasted talent. If you had wanted your children to achieve great things, then your plan was a great disservice. But thank you for providing me with fabulous worker bees!
Lauren,
Your comments almost beg the questions:
1. Which “Ivy” do you attend?
2. What were your undergrad majors?
3. How long did it take you to graduate (bachelors and masters)?
4. When and where did you become licensed?
5. What was the name of the engineering company you founded that allowed you to retire in no more than 20 years all the while starting a family and having a couple kids?
Furthermore, your statements about kids scratching and clawing at state schools missing opportunities and wasting talent betrays a naivety…and perhaps….a lack of how shall we say forthrightness regarding your own tale as there are many outstanding state universities that cost a whole lot less than the “Ivies”. I would think that someone who could found an engineering company, give birth to at least two kids, and be successful enough to retire by 45 would surely know that.
Dick Smith,
I’m afraid I’ve got to call “BS” on Lauren’s comments. It’s funny that the math behind her story just doesn’t work out and the complete lack of knowledge with regard to the quality of education that is available at “state schools” just doesn’t pass the “smell test”.
Lauren,
Your comments are spot on. If the parents don’t have the financial means to help their kids pay for college, then there’s not much that can be done. However, if the parents do have the means, but refuse to help their kids with higher education and instead waste money on fancy houses, fancy cars, and buying a bunch of useless crap (like my parents did), it is a major disservice. In my case, my parents have a net worth of well over $10 million, but they contributed less than $20,000 to my education. I had to wait 10 years after college to start grad school, and then paid for grad school by working 10 hours a day in a job that cost me my lungs. I did have a job that paid $100k for a few years after grad school, but that job got restructured. Today, I am unemployed, and the pay for similar work I was doing just a year ago has reduced to $70,000 (and the number of openings available is limited). Fortunately, I live much more conservatively than my parents do – drive a 15 year old car, don’t eat out at fancy restaurants, don’t spend money on random stuff I don’t need, live in a modest home – so I managed to save several years of liquidity for a rainy day. Had my parents helped me out a bit more, I very likely could have been much farther ahead than I am today.
All in all, I have observed that most “Baby Boomers” lost sight of the fact that they earned their wealth in an economic growth cycle that really ended in the mid 1990s and has been in decline ever since. While some could make the argument that young people today are too “entitled”, I think the real issue is that college degree or no college degree, if you didn’t inherit a large fortune at an early age (basically how my parents got their wealth), it’s pretty tough to establish wealth.
i know the solution to all of this. Have groups of recent graduates, entepreuers, and professionals in 10 to 20 industries get together and create really affordable, quality, useful college 3 year degrees. U could use online interface via tech tools , but increase the quality. also include real world practicum into the coursework, even role plays or internships so people will be able to quickly apply learned skills. u could crank.out a bunch of qualified engineers, nurses in no time as long as the students have above average iqs ! make it like 10,000 for whole degree, including everything
To all the parents claiming that students should pay their own way, cut the crap. You either didn’t have supportive parents growing up, you didn’t get a chance to go to any school other than some shit local college for which you grew up next to, or you work some shitty job with 0 fulfillment. Sound familiar?
First of all, school isn’t “job training.” Thats the absolute dumbest thing I have ever heard and it proves that whoever says such a thing went to a shitty school — if they went at all. Research universities are about conducting research relevent for benifiting humanity in its entirety. Perhaps you don’t know what the fuck you are talking about and if thats the case, perhaps you should keep your mouths shut.
Perhaps your money would be better spent educating your children so that they can become better than you — because that’s what will happen at great schools.
Some crap xxx state university or community college won’t even begin to foster the life altering ways of thought offered at schools like Berkely, Stanford, Michigan, HYPM, UCLA, Various liberal arts college’s… for god’s sake most of the adults whinning about creating opportunity for their children have never even begun to experiance what great education is. It’s a god damn fucking shame –> No one has to go through a shitty life in order to be considered an “adult.” Spare us millenials the utterly complete bullshit. It’s a damn shame you will end up subjecting your kids to the same shitty life you probably lead because your parents didn’t pay for your education.
If you didn’t like what I said you can fuck off, because whether you like it or not we are the next generation. I’m tired of listening to uneducated parents go on and on about ridiculous and cometely dumb bullshit.
Watch as those lucky enough to have supportive parents rise to the top while your children will becone the next in poverty. Coincidence? I’ll let you all decide when your old and your kids can’t afford a nice nursing home for your pathetic asses.
Disregard any spelling mistakes, my parents don’t want to give me a good education, so I guess I can’t blame them. Oh well.
To Jerry John from all the parents who expect you and your contemporaries to grow up and take responsibility for your lives like we did at your age……..
CUT THE CRAP and GROW UP.
Your little vulgarity filled tirade not only demonstrates that you lack the vocabulary to attend any of the schools you quote, but also that you young boy have got a long, long way to go before you can even begin to call yourself anything other than a spoiled brat who has delusions of adequacy let alone manhood.
FYI son…….
A man steps up and takes responsibility for his decisions, attaining his goals, and how he lives his life.
A man never expects others to pay for what he wants. Rather a man pays his way in life.
A man is appreciative and respectful of his elders and particularly his parents.
A man knows that it’s not the name of the school you go to that determines whether or not the man will “rise to the top” but rather it’s what is inside the man that determines how far or whether that man rises.
A man knows that vulgarity laced tirades such as yours are a sign that it wouldn’t matter where you went to college, you’d still be a little, whining, excuse making brat who will likely end up aspiring to be a night manager at McDonald’s or Burger King.
The replies seem to be coming from loads of loser parents who were too wrapped up
in their own crap to care about their children’s future and then just passed the buck.
The bitching seems to be coming from loads of loser, self-entitled brats who need to grow up and take responsibility for their own lives and take control of their own futures.
Lynn,
I have a real problem with selfish, immature and self-entitled kids who even though are eighteen and want no one “telling them what to do”, continue to hold on to this strange “Peter Pan” world view where they never have to grow up, never have to take responsibility for their own lives, never have to held be accountable for their own decisions, and never have to take care of themselves because somehow mommy and daddy are still supposed to take care of them.
So, Richard, the responsible thing to do is load your kids down with crippling student loan debt when they are just starting out in life when it was much easier to just sack away a little bit of money each week over 18 years to help with college? No excuses for parents not to help with college expenses unless they are dead.
No Joseph……..the “responsible thing” for parents to do is not to simply hand them everything for the asking. All that’s done is to create a generation of self-centered, ungrateful and disrespectful brats who want all the privileges of adulthood, but none of the responsibilities that go with being adults. Rather, parents should make every effort to teach their children that priceless lesson that in life the only person responsible for making your dreams come true and for your own happiness is you and only you. There’s an old saying that goes something like this:
“We always have or will the necessary time, money and effort for what is truly important to us”
I’m disgusted with the obscene and gratuitous costs associated with colleges. Without launching into diatribes about why costs are grossly artificial, I’ll tell you what I’ve told my son repeatedly: gay marriage is legal in the state where he attends a state college as an “out-of-stater” at about 35K per year..
I’ve encouraged him to find someone who’s also willing to game the system and marry him, whether male or female, in order to become classified as an independent student. If our misguided president can make $35K “gifts” of free money to people in the country illegally, who are taking un-skilled jobs kids might have while in college, and then running a game around recent American college grads by importing hundreds of thousands of H-1B visa workers to fill the jobs our young graduates might want, I say the rules are off, it’s everyone for him/ herself, and adapt and exploit these new twisted rules he’s devised or fail..
Wow……
So your advice to your son isn’t to perhaps temper the expenses by attending a college in your state that would be a fraction of the costs of an out of state college, isn’t to consider enlisting in one of the branches of the Armed Forces and serve his country while earning money for college via the G.I. Bill, or even to get a job and work to save up and pay for college.
Rather……..your “advice” to your son is to toss anything resembling growing up and assuming personal responsibility for his choices or resembling being a moral person right out the ole window and rather…….”game the system” and defile the sanctity of marriage and marry someone just to “take advantage of the system”.
After reading your post, why didn’t you recommend selling drugs or grand theft auto to earn money for college.
I sure hope that your post is representative of your frustration rather than representative of the “values” or lack thereof that you raised your boy to have.
Remember, no matter how unjust or unfair we may think a system is…..it can never justify doing something or telling someone else to do something that we KNOW to be dishonest, immoral, or that defiles something as sacred as marriage.
In summation, the ends can never justify the means.
I agree that this “Dan” in Ms. O’Shaughnessy’s story sounds like a real jerk BUT using this story doesn’t alter the fact that Ms. O’Shaughnessy herself is undoubtedly a vial, evil woman who believes in shooting first and asking questions later. I found this disgusting site while searching for information on financing college for 2 of my GRANDCHILDREN. Their parents are deceased, the children DO receive a Social Security benefit FROM MY work record because I earned more than either of their parents did. I had in fact just retired a few months before the children came to live with me and eventually I adopted them legally. My goal was to protect them from arbitrary decisions on the part of state agencies in the event that I should become temporarily unable to care for them. I’m healthy, but at my age, one never knows if you might have a health issue which would require another relative to care for the children for a few weeks. I also wanted to get the children off Medicaid. Once they were legally my dependent, they were eligible to be covered on my health care plan at work (for a premium). To have this evil woman (O’Shaughnessy) refer to me as a “deadbeat parent” simply because I choose NOT to allow my grandchildren to be placed in foster homes where they may or may not have been loved and cherished is one of the most ridiculous insults any person could ever receive. I do hope that this Lynn will some day enjoy the hateful judgmental attitude she employs against others herself.
There are currently approximately 11 million CHILDREN in the United States being raised by loving Grandparents who are the “parents” which will be responsible for filing out those FAFSA FORMS. I have for the past 8 yrs given my grandchildren (legally my children) the best life that I can. I, in fact, homeschool my grandson who is an advanced student and was bored to tears in brick and mortal schools. My granddaughter is an average student…who struggles with Algebra, and we manage to scrape together the funds for a tutor, because we absolutely believe that education is IMPORTANT. However, this O’Shaughnessy woman’s insistence that a 70 yr old grandmother should go without medication, heat, food, or even a small emergency savings account or be branded a “Deadbeat Parent” is the height of the stupidity and arrogance prevalent in young people these days. I pray that I am rearing my grandchildren to have a little appreciation and respect for me. That Ms. O’Shaughnessy believes in fairy tales where children go to foster care and are immediately snapped up by loving wealthy adoptive parents who can afford to buy them Porsche’s for graduation from high school and pay their way to any college they choose is simply NOT realistic. I hope that the grandparents of the OTHER 11 + million children being raised by grandparents aren’t deterred by the hateful stance of this person. Apparently, the EFC (expected family contribution) is also effected by the parents age. Even your Social Security income is considered at 100% if you have any other income. Some grandparents may work part time so they can file a tax return and claim an EITC status, but as I’ve interpreted what I’ve found, this would make all of your SS income considered in the EFC even though the Internal Revenue Service only includes 50% of Social Security income as taxable. You may certainly want to delay taking any funds out of your IRA because they’ll be considered income by FAFSA. And, heaven forbid that you’re also helping to take care of a 85-90 yr old parent in a nursing home…then you’re ALSO as “Deadbeat Child” at the same time. Maybe we’d just be better off in prison???
A college education is job training and not an experience that you’re entitled to, and as such is an investment. So if you can not pay off student loan is two years or less with reasonable future earning expectation (research this), then it’s a no go. Here’s a few tips: do well in HS and on the SATs and get a scholarship, community college for two years, go to a local college and live with parents, work, do not major in art, women’s studies or some other nonsense that makes you even less employable than when you started (remember this is job training), and there is nothing wrong with the trades or secretarial school.
Please back in his day college was probably free if not, cheaper. And when are people going to realize that loans are TRAPS?
No, actually, college isn’t about job training. One of my undergrad degrees is in literature. It was every ounce as important as my technical grad degree in running a company. I retired at 45. I will always defend the value of the liberal arts.
Lauren,
Your claims about founding and running an engineering firm and retiring at 45 are when coupled with the “revalation” that you have an undergraduate degree in literature are just a bit suspicious until you flesh those claims out with some real specifics.
From a post above “I never got to live in a dorm or take part in real college life”. College is for learning not “college life” which I assume means partying it up. That statement alone shows why parents should not have to pay for college for spoiled brats like the one who wrote that. You went to a community college got a degree, move on and quit whining.
I am a 27 year old female. I graduated last December with a BA in Psychology and had a heck of a time finding full-time employment. I settled for an entry-level position with no benefits, and it doesn’t require a degree.
My parents are poor, so I understand why they could not help more, but I am looking at over $56,000 in loans and this is just with a BA. I had a hard time in school and at the time was always more-so concerned about passing the classes. I had work-study jobs, but that was not enough obviously. Working while being in school was always too much.
Looking back, I wish I would have worked more than I did but I was dealing with other issues as well: depression, probably depressed due to the stress of the loans and figuring out how to pay for things semester-to-semester. I will admit that I have never been good at saving but boy I have had a huge REALITY CHECK this year since I’ve began working steadily. I am thinking about a Graduate Degree but am wondering if this is the best idea for someone in my position.
I never had the option to live in the dorms because my financial aid package wouldn’t cover it… At the time I was upset but now when I think about it, it probably saved me some money. How is it that I can be in $56 in debt and I am STILL living at home with my parents. Probably because I come from a working class/poor background…
I used the financial aid checks toward food, clothes, really for more basic things. Looking back, I know the reason why I went ahead and did that, is because I didn’t think it would be so hard to find work… I see lots of people my age who are living “on their own.” Sure, because their parents are sending them rent checks in the mail. I think most definitely take it for granted. I know that if I ever have kids, I will make them work for it. I would probably help more then my parents helped me, but I would definitely not make it a free ride for them. I don’t think you are teaching your children anything about reality if you make things so easy!
A few people I knew in college would give me a hard time about how I still live at home and I always thought to myself… Yeah that is easy for you to say because your parents are paying for everything! I have learned how not to compare myself to others because my circumstances are mine, they are unique. I should be concerned about what I am going to do to improve my situation, rather than focusing on everyone else because truthfully you never know what people are going through. I think that many, many parents cover a lot of things up for their kids. A lot of them are not in the best situation themselves to be helping. At the gym a lady told me that she can barely afford rent herself, and she is worried about becoming homeless (maybe she was just joking) but to even joke about something like that is insane, and she is helping her 22 year old daughter with rent ($700 a month.)
SO, anyway I think parents should help if they can, but at the same time they should be careful and not become enablers.
The reason why I am in it so deep with the loans has more to do with the fact that I come from a poor background. I am finally getting it together and mentally am able to start checking into different resources/program to help myself. Through work, there is going to be a seminar this Thursday on finding ways to reduce debt. There are going to be speakers talking about this crisis.
SO, I will put one foot in front of the other, and start to develop a plan to make things better. Graduate School isn’t looking likely, unless I could get a Fellowship.
🙂
I’m sorry that many think this guy is a deadbeat but I disagree. There are always way to obtain loans, get grants and these are actually tax dollars parents pay in. Colleges should lower their fee’s if it’s such a big deal to go to college.
Why not try a tech school or do something else that doesn’t require a high prices school that will not guarantee you a job anyway.
I see way to much of the hand outs to these kids that do not even think anything of it. Are not grateful or even considerate of their parents. I went to pick up my husbands son from college because he had no money for gas. Then he tells the story about how he and his buds were racing around somewhere the other night. Uhm really? Not one of his friends had a job, their cars are bought for them, their clothing, and the apartment they live in all my mom and pop. It sickens me to see this as we are raising a group of adults who take things for granted instead of being grateful.
I’m sorry if you think Parents should foot the bill but I save every penny for 4 years to buy a car and go to school. I had a job all the time not just summers. When I graduated from college I had to pay back less than 2000. there are jobs out there you have to look and you might get dirty but it makes you feel good knowing you did it on your own. A feeling most young adults have no idea about.
Glad to hear that you’re an authority on how young adults feel. The only redeeming thing about reading commentaries like yours is knowing that someday soon, when you’re waiting for your Social Security check to be paid out of the money that young adults are paying in, there won’t be any money to pay it, and we’ll all vote to cut you off so you can get a job and have that good feeling of knowing you did it all yourself.
Of course, you doubtless have an enormous sum saved for your retirement, right? I mean, surely you know that the money you paid into Social Security was used to pay your parents’ benefits, so you’d be a straight up idiot to have not saved at least $500,000 by now.
Reading thisnarticle and most of the commentary has made me ill. Where do you get this sense of entitlement? Most likely your parents are to blame by making sure you got a participant trophy and an “everyone’s a winner” for every little thing you did that you failed at during your soft, sheltered childhood.
It reminded me of a quote from a classic move from the 80’s.
Danny Noonan: I planned to go to law school after I graduated, but it looks like my folks won’t have enough money to put me through college.
Judge Smails: Well, the world needs ditch diggers, too.
I paid my way through 3 associate of science degrees, 1 bachelor’s of science, 2 master’s of science and two Ph.D’s at my state university between December 2001 to December of 2011. I did it with no student loans, credit cards, GI Bill (which I was entitled to, but refused for personal reasons) help from parents, relatives or friends. I did it and incurred no debt and had no help of any kind.
I achieved all that because I possess something most all of you are sorely lacking. Perseverance, determination and the strongest of work ethics.
My fiancé did the same thing. As an 8 year old, she came to this country with her mother, who herself was a hard worker and instilled that in her the way my father who worked at Ford Motor Company for 34 year (and could have retired at age 48) instilled in me.
She just turned 25 and will be graduating law school in 2015. (She already has her MBA) Sure she has some student loan debt, but newsflash…she will be able to pay for it fairly easily…she has actually been making payments on her student loans since starting graduate school rather than blowing her earnings on clothes, drinking, vacations, etc…
For those of you who aren’t financially responsible enough to do that…there are other ways to get your loans forgiven. Become a teacher, join the Peace Corps, don something for someone else for a change. Give back instead of always taking. Try selflessness over selfishness.
Recently, this past Father’s Day of 2014, my parents actually apologized for not helping me with my college. You know what my response to that was? I thanked them for not helping me and I meant it. Then I handed my dad the keys to his Father’s Day gift. The 1967 Pontiac GTO that he sold when I was born because he thought that as a father he shouldn’t have any toys as it was time to grow up. That car was the most favorite thing he ever owned so I spent two years tracking that car down and another few weeks tryo g to cinvince the owner to selm it to me. I was able to get the owner to sell it to me with my story. That and $25,000 cash. My dad had only paid $600 for the car back in the day. I sold the most valuable comic book from my collection to buy him that car. Something I had been chasing after for many years trying to acquire. Money I could have used to pay off all my credit card debt, put a down payment on a new house and new car with as well.
My point is that as adults you should be doing things to ease the burden of your parents. Not compounding them.
If you do not succeed in life. Don’t blame your teachers. Don’t blame your parents. (As this hack of an author wouldnhave you do). Blame yourselves. The responsibility is yours.
If you do not take that responsibility, then it is not your parents who are deadbeats and losers.
It is you.
I honestly don’t understand this string of logic. If you make decent enough money to send your children to college, from the standpoint of government and society, you’re obligated to chip in for at least some of the costs. I’m sure you’re proud of yourself for raising strong and independent children, but the fact of the matter is, forcing them to work their ways through university or take out enormous loans is unrealistic on one hand and unfair on the other. Do you know how much tuition at a decent state university costs nowadays? Mine is upwards of $10,000 per year, despite the fact that I live at home rather than on campus. If I opted for a dorm room, that’d increase costs by at least $3,000 per SEMESTER.
I have worked very hard to do a lot of things that I want to do. In fact, I’ve worked so hard that my grades have often suffered, because I’ve been able to meet my savings goals or pay rent and had to pick up a second job. There have been some semesters where I’ve had to juggle working sixty hours per week while taking a full course load. Did you do that? If you did, should you have? Because any parent who makes a decent amount of money and has an ounce of future planning ability shouldn’t have a difficult time putting away a minuscule fraction of their yearly income to take care of their child’s future undergraduate education.
For all the emphasis that American people like to put on “family values,” our society seems to be sadly lacking in their practice. “Family values” are about having a network of support; not just teaching your children that gays are scary and they should love Jesus. My girlfriend is a member of the statistically wealthiest ethnic minority group in the United States. Her parents had no money when they came to America but worked hard and put away money for their children’s education as soon as they were able to afford doing so. They paid for my girlfriend’s undergraduate tuition and living expenses but said she’s on her own if she chooses to go to graduate school. Guess what? Having parents whose philosophy wasn’t, “screw you, kid, you can spend your down time in college working at McDonald’s,” meant that she could pursue paying internships over summer breaks. She saved enough money from those on her own to be able to pay for an MBA.
I’m sorry, but I’m just not impressed by your story of “working your way up.” Not only did your parents neglect to properly provide for you, but the cost of tuition has skyrocketed since whenever your presumably graduated.
I’m going to medical school in another year. I wouldn’t dream of asking my parents to foot the bill for that. But it would have been nice to be able to focus on my studies while in college, rather than having to constantly stress out over nickles and dimes. Your view is that a young person who expects their parents to help with undergrad is “entitled,” which is fairly typical of your generation; my view is that financially able parents have an obligation to help ensure their child’s future success. Call me a member of the “expectation generation” all you’d like. But it’s strange. I know so many people – most of whom are not white and whose parents weren’t born American “Boomers” – whose parents gave them opportunities in college. I guess you’d call them spoiled, but most of them do very well academically, land job placements prior to graduation, and are EXPECTED by their parents to not only do the same for their future children but also to take care of them in old age. It’s a deal rather than a simple parceling out of dollars.
But yeah, let’s wonder why so many corporate and professional jobs are being taken by immigrants from East and South Asia – cultures where “family values” still exist and parents believe in giving a better life to their children than was given to them. Meanwhile, in America, our motto is, “it sucked for me so it’s going to suck for you too, bucko.”
RJF,
As others have told you………………college isn’t a right let alone a necessity. College is a privilege. The fact that you didn’t or couldn’t get any kind of scholarships to offset the costs isn’t your parents problem…..it’s yours. You say you want to be a doctor. Did you ever consider the fact that the U.S. Military is always looking for doctors? Did you even bother to look into a ROTC scholarship with either the U.S. Navy, the U.S. Army, or U.S. Air Force? Did you know that if you could get into medical school and you were in a ROTC program that the military would pay for EVERYTHING at med school, AND pay you an O-1 salary (with all the benefits) while you were there? I’d be willing to bet that you didn’t.
Have you ever once thanked your parents for allowing you to live at home while you went to college? I doubt it. I also doubt that you’ve ever paid any board, bought any food, or paid a penny to drive the car that your parents bought for you.
BTW…..if you worried about “nickels and dimes” to get a bachelor’s degree, you’ve got no business going to medical school as your efforts won’t even come close to paying for those costs.
Time to grow up and take responsibility for yourself and your life.
To all the naysayers about whether parents should pay for their kids education:
As a kid my parents never respected my interest in school. They didn’t go to school and worked hard physical labor and retail jobs. They never said they wouldn’t pay for me to go to college but they tried to sway me from wanting to go to college which was even worse. They eventually kicked me out of their house when I was sixteen. I went to one of the best high schools in the state and was involved in every extra-curricular activity, had very good grades and had plans to go to a prestigious college. After jumping from place to place I finally graduated from a disadvantaged high school (barely) and was on anti-depressants during that time. After that, I worked fifteen different minimum wage jobs some for which I received promotions, lived in expensive places, changed my major a few times at a few different community colleges, went on and off anti-depressants and finally at age 25 started to take school seriously. I am in serious debt because of my serious decision to go to school and my major choice music is not a skill readying me for the job world. But after taking care of sick and dying people as a nurse’s aid I realized life is short and if your passion is in higher education than you have to make the sacrifice and go into debt if you can’t afford to pay out of pocket. I incurred too many ilnesses from my jobs and never got workman’s compensation so when it came time for me to go to school I needed all the help I could get. My parents gave me a little bit of money here and there but nothing touched the cost of taking and retaking classes, rent, food (because you need energy to use your brain). And no amount of money will replace the lack of emotional/intellectual support from them. My step-mom had the nerve to ask me how much my debt was? I told her none of her business. She should say thank you for following your dreams and not depending on us so we (they) can pay for their house and shower my idiot siblings with the love and money that they disallowed me when they kicked me out of their house for no reason 15 years ago. Not to mention an apology. The lack of emotional support and encouragement is what has been the biggest loss. I was always a good daughter and student who just wanted to be involved in too many extracurricular activities with school and they were overwhelmed so they elected not to deal with me. As a student at a less prestigious university I never lived on campus, applied to live on campus, not into the party scene-was strictly there for the education. I don’t regret it. I feel prepared to tackle anything because I fed my passion in life and am feeling enriched and enlightened and a sense of personal fulfillment that matters more to me than any job and consequently am actually looking forward to going back to work full time and paying off those debts.
I know this is an old response to this thread. but I was reading through all these responses and got so discouraged by the attitudes. I think RJF really hit on the heart of the matter: it’s about culture and valuing education and caring for one another. My parents sacrificed to send me to the best college I could get into; I’m doing the same for my kids, with pride. My education allowed me (and still allows me) to be successful; I want the same, or better, for my kids. They’re about to go to college and I’ve told them exactly what my parents told me: apply to your dream schools, and if it’s within my power, I’ll get you there. Not because I owe you, because I love you. And we are not wealthy, and it is expensive.
And now that my parents are old, they need my help, and I answer like this: whatever you need, if I can provide it, I will. Not because I owe you, because I love you.
My dear Jamie,
Just based on your comment alone about voting to cut off the social security benefits of the elderly, I somehow strongly suspect that without a major maturation it is quite unlikely that you’ll ever be in a position to find yourself pay much if anything in the way of FICA tax.
University (college) isn’t a right, isn’t a necessity or anything else. I would consider paying for my child’s education in part if A. They went close to home and lived at home, B. got good marks and C. worked at least 30 hours a week at all times with 40-70/week required during the vacation periods. No trips period, no special occasions paid for, and they’d be responsible for their own bills (credit cards, some food, their personal outings/social life, clothing and toiletries and would be responsible for helping at the home too). So in other words, finish quickly and get on with life. You don’t get a four year break to “discover yourself”, travel, make new friends or anything else useless and illogical. Anything less and you’re on your own. It’s not a parents’ job to pay for college though it’s nice if they choose to.
To be honest I’d be more supportive and caring if they chose to work a real job that makes real money straightaway, even if it’s just minimum wage, or pursued something more useful and quick like technical school. HVAC work will always be needed. Studying isn’t work. Sorry. Time to grow up.
You sir, are insane.
We had the unfortunate experience of taking out a student loans in the amount of 35,000 dollars. Our son who is now 22 failed or dropped 14 classes and barely passed the others. After 3 years in college he lost his football scholarship due to low grades and probably all the drinking and partying.
Right now he wants us to pay for college but we do not qualify due to our credit and current financial situation. He only cares about himself and he just wants to go back to school to play football. He does not help around the house, no chores, no yard work. Nothing!!
He has a parade of girls coming in and staying overnight plus drinking non-stop. I put a stop to it and told him that he needs to get a job and pay for his own school. He has taken out other student loans and he’s getting calls to repay loan.
He worked all year last year and this summer. He did not save a dime and right now has no money at all. We had to drive him to and from work.
My husband and i have younger kids 14 -18 years who we have to support and help out with college expense. He had his opportunity to be successful and he blew it??
I read a statistic a few years back, that to raise a child to graduate High School, with just the basics of life, would cost around $180,000. That’s not including computers, cell phones, Xbox’s, etc. As a Parent, who had to pay his own college and sign up for loans at 18 to do so, I question why things have changed for the “expectation generation”.
When I talk to kids or even some your 20 something kids, most of them seem to “expect” us to give them things, expect to make $50,000 a year to start in an entry level job. Expect to be able to leave work when they want, to play on facebook, etc. Work, pfft, they can do it later. Very few truly understand what it takes to live.
I have busted my butt for two decades, sacrificing things I want to do, things I want to get, to ensure the kids are fed, clothed, had their money for field trips, etc. I have put my $180k (each) into raising them, and seen how they barely get by high school because they are too busy with boys, socializing and such. Why should we as parents pay another $180k we cannot afford, so they can go to college and have the “college experience” of parting all the time?
The Government would be better off stopping the Lawyers and Doctors who make $120k or more a year from filing Bankruptcy and making us pay for their defaulted loans. (I know many who did this, first hand). After that, offer ALL kids low interest loans, at a guaranteed amount, and take the payments from their paychecks, tax returns, etc. to pay it back. They should also go after colleges for price gouging and forcing people to live on campus. Why should kids be forced to pay $3000 for a math class, then get taught by a TA rather than the professor they are paying for? Why should a teacher make $120k a year to work 30 hours a week at College, when we pay a teacher $35k a year to teacher first graders for 40 hours a week.
We have other issues than making parents for their kids college, when most who start either fail, skate by or drop out……
College is just a trap so you go so far in debt that you will never pay it off. Seriously, $3750 for an MS Excel class. Then they put a debt collector on you, calling from 6 am to Midnight every day, every 30 minutes while trying to complete a paper. Kaplan University did the deny, deny, when it was clear their only agenda was to get as many Fed Student loans as possible, harass students, and do their best to prevent graduation!
Wow! How entitled do you think you are? Your parents have NO responsibility for you once you turn 18. Seriously, uncalled for as it shows how lazy you are in creating a future for yourself. You are an adult, need to start acting like one. Get off your ass! The world and your parents do NOT owe you anything (They raised you, your alive). Reality is tough, especially when it is not edited for TV. Get some balls, or at least a backbone! Don’t care if you are male or female.
I know all of these replys are coming from parents, frustrated upset parents. But I assure you all that not all of us are spoiled brats. My dad makes over 100K a year. Far too much for me to apply for financial aid. For various reason I’m not going to get into and not for lack of trying my GPA wasn’t the best. But I still dream of going to college. After graduating high school I went to my local community college to try and earn my associates. My parents refused to help me pay for my classes for various reasons. So I took out a loan for half of them and paid for the rest on my own from my job. 2500$ later and I’d only taken four classes. I couldn’t keep doing this. 40 hours a week and every paycheck every last penny went to my savings which then paid for my classes. On top of that I had to pay for gas, loan payments and food. Not to mention work clothes. I cant keep going this. I dont make enough, I dont apply for financial aid and I dont get any help from home. And I will not dig myself so deep into dept that I cant crawl out of it. So what do I do? Quit. I haven’t found that answer yet. I wont reduce myself to excuses while I have plenty but this situation is unfortunate and its sad there isn’t help for earnest kids who just want to get a degree. So before you go judging and saying how spoiled and bratty kids are try and remember were not all that way. Some of us just want a chance to work hard.
Income doesn’t prevent you from applying for or receiving financial aid. It’ll just come in the form of unsubsidized loans.
There should be a government pass law where parent’s have to pay a % of income towards their child’s education, depending on how many children they have. That way, selfish and ignorant parents would have no excuse NOT to pay their child’s tuition and the child that is born under their care wouldn’t have to worry or be stressed out down the road when they realize their parent’s didn’t do squat.
Even if it’s a little bit, at least it’ll be there, on the day that their born. Even if it’s only $10 a month per child. Maybe it’ll wake up some of these hobo parents out there, to start looking at their kids as INVESTMENTS instead of LEECHES. Nincompoops!
WOW! Another entitled, the world and your parents owe you an education. Grow up!
Remember that when you wonder why your retirement benefits aren’t showing up.
Jamie,
Given your attitude I don’t think you’ll ever have to worry about your retirement benefits not showing up because I doubt you’ll ever have any retirement benefits.
There should be a law that all eighteen year olds should be required to render three years military or federal service from the ages of 18 to 22. The benefits to both the nation and mainly to our young people would be enormous. A big part of the problem a lot of our kids have today is that they actually expect to be handed everything in life and don’t want to earn anything or sacrifice for anything let alone anyone. Twelve weeks of boot camp would be a real wake-up call for a great many of our kids. Service to the nation and being out from under mommy and daddy’s care would prompt many to actually grow up and become adults.
Richard,
I’ve held that very same belief for many years now.
I always advise that the school know about any disability.
Lynn O’Shaughnessy
Richard,
I just read your post. I wish I’d read it before posting because you and I said just about the exact same thing.
Amy, how would you feel about a law that required children to refund parents 50% of the total costs (of course there’d be interest) to care for them, feed them, shelter them, protect them, and provide them with the various amenities of life from birth to 18? Somehow I seriously doubt that you’d be at all in favor of such a law.
At what point does this overly-entitled and self-centered generation of brats plan on growing-up, taking responsibility and getting on with their lives?
At what point are you kids going to figure out that the only person in the whole world responsible for your happiness is………YOU?
At what point are you going to learn that there is no greater pride that you’ll ever feel as when you step up, work your butt off, sacrifice for, and accomplish something difficult on your own?
Parents owe a LEGAL duty to their minor children. Sorry, “I NEVER owed you anything, you brat” parents. You are wrong – not just morally, but legally wrong. So, stop with the “reimburse me for birth to age 18” nonsense!
AT what age do you think that children should “grow up” and be responsible for their own lives? It sure isn’t 18.
You know it’s pretty stupid that parents expect, young people, who are FRESH out of high school to suddenly take on a huge load of debt and or on top of kicking us out with this soloing attitude. It’s not showing responsibility, or so called maturity that the boomer generation likes to throw the term around. It is PUTTING new people into unnecessary tight situations, and possible poverty. It is not fun, nor is it cute when a parent who should have been PLANNING to add funds to his or her child’s college tuition account, never had the insinuative to do so in the start or slacked and screwed up.
College Tuition has been the biggest scam on this planet, with institutions raising the prices as they please whenever they please. Half of the time we can’t even get the decent paying jobs we need in order to pay back these loans in the first place. Why? Because the boomer suck off generation in 2006 went and snatched all the jobs us Generation X needed when we came out of school. You have theft our jobs and have caused a lot of unnecessary stress to generation X you boneheads, instead of protesting and fighting the governments that caused these messes, like AnonOps tried, at least, which was done by YOUNG people who aren’t a bunch of whiplashed yips of the system. It’s like the thief that steals candy from the craddle. There’s a purpose why the high schools don’t teach us about loans and money, and now I see why. Willing fully left ignorant so loans are being taken advantage of upon us. This is why boomer generation should be doing, protesting the high-end loans to ensure a BETTER future for the next generation, instead of butt-kissing politics.
In ORDER to even qualify for tuition a potential student has to answer YES to one of the questions listed above in this blog. Look at how bizarre most of the questions are. The government puts young people’s lives on hold with a discriminatory age restriction that serves no purpose other than keeping people from getting the aid they need when they graduate high school. It’s ironic as soon as we turn 18 we can take out credit-cards and apply for personal loans, but we’re unable to apply for FAFSA. Obliviously, the FAFSA was written with the mentality that the parents would help out to cover for those 4 missing year.
Seriously, look at the questions. One has to be a “Ward” of the state to even qualify for financial aid or must be married. What.The.Hell. Should I get pregnant and have 3 kids just in the hopes of qualifying for financial aid so I can SURVIVE in this world? In the meanwhile I’m working minimum wage job that doesn’t even PAY enough in the first place in order for me to SURVIVE. LITERALLY. I ONLY GET !112.76 DOLLARS PER TWO WEEKS. That is GOD, awful. I can’t half buy groceries, I can’t afford a cellphone (not until Republic Wireless came along, THANK GOD, $10 is still tight but it beats paying $50) I can’t do much of anything. The money I make goes towards the few bills I can afford to pay, then college bills. It’s unlivable. The questions on the FASFA are just pitiful. A person should be able to qualify for some sort of help, regardless of their age, infact, even more so BECAUSE of their age. I would have not mind if there were some start-up investments available, instead of the traditional banks.
This is the result:
Security is yanked out from up under our feet
Trust is rendered to Null
Paranoia and fear is more likely to happen. The fear of not being able to go to college is not only socially looked-down upon, but job-wise it’s the life and death difference upon being able to afford a living and between having to be stuck in the worst if not dangerous places in America thanks to our system ever-so heavily leaning upon one’s income as a judgement that even affects employers. Thanks, wannabe Indian Caste System in America. You have done nothing more than to steal from the generations here who need this money, while our governments are so happy to throw billions and trillions down the tube to support 3rd world countries who couldn’t give a crap.
Plus you are likely more to make mistakes due to experience, NOT the so called golden “maturity” that the baby boomer generation makes up. It’s simply knowing the best possible way of handling things really. Obliviously baby boomer generation didn’t teach that well or their pretty ignorant, as young people are raking up loans as high as 80k just on tuition alone. How do you deal with that, in an economy were all the baby-boomers are stealing the job market from right under our feet while we’re paying like morbid slaves.
Plus, the additional years waiting on a FASFA while a young person is left little to no options in this extremely tight job market. What options are left if we can’t go to college, the old traditional way of “being promoted by doing a good job” doesn’t work well anymore. Employers want to see the paper. If they don’t see the paper, they don’t want to hire or they minimum-wage us.
It is not a fun situation, it is not pleasant. Any parent who boasts about *Not* paying for their kid’s college is I say, a jack-wipe. Is it really something proud to look forward to your children struggling or not having an education? If a parent can’t pay, as in, their broke, it’s a different financial story. I’ve known and personally had went through parents who had the money to pay for my college tuition and refused, refused to sign anything having to do with the FASFA, some as ignorant thinking that the FASFA would be nothing but a loan or their precious hidden “income” would be revealed, which is stupid, as the GOVERNMENT ALREADY KNOWS HOW MUCH A PERSON MAKES ANYWAY. Because of their selfish decision I had to wait 4 years just to even attend school, because the FASFA is utterly useless to a 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23 year old.
Not everyone is an upper-middle class person who’s mommy or daddy is a CEO or a lawyer. Parents need to stop looking at their kids as spoiled leeches, too, cus I know some of you do. There are some parents out there who can afford and have no issue of helping their kids out. I seriously would not mind if I had parents who were more interested in my long-term benefit than their immediate wallets. Regardless, I got a 4.0 average in school, so the whole idea of “Oh, your young and you’ll just throw your tuition down the tubes” is utter b.s. and really, depends on the student. Any, regardless of age, who doesn’t handle money well is going to waste it but it speaks highly of our economical situation, where money is wasted in the billions yearly.
Our system has been set up to consistently lean on loans and credit-cards, it’s a vicious never-ending cycle of constantly owing, owing, owing. And when that owing turns into a monster and incomes shrink to null, it IS an economical disaster. It’s not good for the country’s health and i’m sorry to say this, well, actually i’m not. Other countries are starting to excel in education in terms of what the USA was suppose to excel at years ago. Their learning 3 languages at a time, introduced early to banking, and given a wider and broader education curriculum than the sorry-excuse curriculum circling around in the high-school systems here and even, some of the colleges.
Dead-beaters are the worst.
Amen Amy! I seriously do not understand people who have 20 kids without planning or thinking about their children’s financial and educational futures. To those parents – please stop being selfish! Because you wanted a large family without having the financial means to support one, you just dug your children’s futures into a giant hole of debt. Great job there! Then you have the nerve to throw your kids into this shit world where we work as slaves to pay off not only our own college education, but auto loans, credit card debt for things we need etc. God forbid we get the opportunity to buy a house of our own one day! Those days are long gone. Today you and your partner would need to be making 100k each to survive a mortgage, taxes, inflation, & typical household bills. I am tired of parents not realzing that making a measly 70-80k today is not nearly the same as what it was 40-50 years ago. Wake up already!
I am one of those people who graduated with school loan debt. My parents helped what they could and I went to an in-state school that was considered much more affordable than most in my state. I worked through highschool and college, bought my own laptop and supplies for college from my hard earned savings which drained most of it, and then – thanks to the credit cards Amy mentions in this post, got the privelige of paying off interest laden debt for my own student apartment furniture – which was crap anyway. Thanks Mom & Dad.
It’s no wonder we had a housing crisis, because so many students just like me jump into a condo or a house 3-4 years down the line, while still having student loan debt & car debt among everything else! I would challenge parents to go to school nowadays, graduate, and try to “make it” without being in any debt. For those of us who think before we jump into mortage situations we can’t afford, where are we living? In apartment buildings. And this is why the rent market has skyrocketed. The dream of going to college and getting well to do enough fast enough to make it on your own is long gone. If you get to pay off your student loans within 10 years, you are lucky. LUCKY.
Anon
Are you done whining now? Would you care for a little cheese with that whine?
Well……when you’re done could you kindly get on with growing up, taking responsibility for yourself, living within your means, and………shut up. The adults are really getting tired of hearing about your little woes.
Remember, college is a privilege…………not a right.
Oh dear, so much hurt, anger and bitterness. It’s not fair to discount your feelings based on your experiences.
I’m a parent who doesn’t have an extra 12,000 lying around for college tuition and though we have enough to survive and enough to provide our children with some small extras that are not necessities of life, we never were able to save enough. We frankly told our children that they were responsible for ensuring that they could pay their own bill. But we always planned to throw as much as we were able at their bill without them believing that mommy and daddy would just pave the way to their future success. This would enable our children to make wise decisions.
They would need to understand that life is difficult and anything worth pursuing came at a cost and that they would take pride in their accomplishments if they were indeed their own. Do we wish our children to experience hardship? In some ways, yes. It is through tough experiences that we grow up, we innovate solutions to our problems and find the best way toward success.
So our first son didn’t have enough money to start college directly out of high school. We told him that we had put money on his bill, but HE made the decision to work for a year. Then he started college and halfway through his first semester we added more money to his bill. Do you know he was MAD at us for putting money on his bill??? We took away some of his pride in paying for it from hard work and struggling to fill out his FAFSA himself, in re-taking tests so that a higher score would help him land a scholarship! HE DID THAT and he was proud of having been allowed to make his own decisions and to be able to fly on his own. I felt insulted that he was angry with me for wanting to help out, but I’m so incredibly proud that we raised a son who doesn’t feel like he is entitled to whatever he wants!
When my husband and I went through college we didn’t have scholarships. We both worked hard!!!! And it was YEARS into our marriage before we had money even to go out to eat! We didn’t blame our parents, we just worked hard, budgeted our money, refused to go into debt to buy the things we wanted, lived simply until we just worked our way into better jobs, better cars (always paying cash), and into a far better lifestyle. we earned it, it wasn’t handed to us. But even so, I sympathize with your feelings while hoping that someday you will see that those that have gone before you have some wisdom to impart to you and that by succeeding because you struggled to do so will give you a tremendous sense of accomplishment and pride!
Amy, my parents never kicked me out, but at 18 I had saved enough money with after school and summer jobs to get my own apartment. I had a full time job at 18. I worked a good full time job by working hard.. having humility, and doing whatever my boss needed me to do. I wasn’t handed some fancy job. I was willing to do the hard stuff.I actually made the choice to earn money first and then go to school later, and now my work helps pay for my education. My niece is 18.. hasn’t even graduated from high school yet she already has a job working as an NAC for Rockwood clinic. She’s worked very hard in school even put off dating(her choice) and some other things, to focus on her studies. She earned scholarships to go to nursing school, and will start in the fall. She has earned and saved her own money. Her parents did not hand her the education.Not only is my niece a hard worker she is also a very loving and compassionate person .At 18 she is well respected at work and community. Mommy and daddy fed and clothed you for years, as an adult it’s your responsibility to start taking care of yourself.
Amy,
Growing up is never easy, but it’s brutally hard for the truly self-entitled. However, growing up is essential if you’re going to even have a chance to successfully function in life and be happy.
From your post it sure seems like you’re going to take the long and painful road to adulthood.
Parents who do not contribute to their kids college are losers simple as that.
I love when parents say “I worked my way through college and payed for everything myself, so can my kids”
In the early 80’s college was very cheap (https://trends.collegeboard.org/college-pricing/figures-tables/tuition-and-fee-and-room-and-board-charges-over-time-1973-74-through-2013-14-selected-years) and a college degree basically guaranteed a job.
Lets look at it now. College costs a fortune, a college degree in no way ensures employment, interest on loans is through the roof, and economic growth is basically stagnant.
The simple fact is it is much harder for kids to pay for college by themselves than it was.
Jake,
FYI……….wages (and darn near everything else) in the early 80’s were a fraction of what they are today.
College tuitions have skyrocketed in part because of the self-entitled horse poop being shoveled by self-entitled brats that somehow your parents are actually required to pay the freight so that you can in all likelihood go to an out of state private school that costs six to ten times as much as an instate public institution that offers the same cirriculum of study and party it up.
If a college degree doesn’t ensure employment, then why don’t you simply get a job?
I’m sorry but I never heard such selfish thoughts or comments in my life. I’m sorry but I thought having children meant you were supposed to support them and love them. However I’m reading that parents should be thinking of themselves and that they worked themselves to get where they are and that their children aren’t going to help them? What the hell made anyone think that its okay to say something like that? As kids you use your experience in life to say, I want to be a better parent then my own, or that I want to make sure my kids are better than me when they are older… Its sad really… I know what its like for my parents to actually tell me I would rather not help co sign for a school loan even though I said to them I’d pay it off myself. It was a $6,000 loan and that’s it fafsa would have provided the rest I just needed a name. However they gave me an ultimatum and basically gave me no choice but to work and at that point it was impossible to go to school. They instead forced me into a car I was not very happy with and was almost $10,000. I lost my job because my state is an will state and lost it for no reason at all. After that life was much harder for me. I only had a high school diploma and worked so hard for 3 years at age 20 I was making $17.00 an hour. And in an actual instant my life stopped because of a new boss who just “didn’t like me” treated me unfairly and everyone else agreed. I had a recording of him yelling at me and treating me unfairly and no one did anything about it. So there I was all alone and just being told to get another job and soon or they would take Mt car and everything I worked hard to achieve. And that a younger sibling would receive a free vehicle. I worked hard for everything I had and another sibling received everything I didn’t get for free I know what hard work is and I still believe parents should help their children to be better and to do better and to wish the best for them and any parents who think otherwise just need to sit down and reevaluate themselves.
Molly,
By chance…….did you forget the part in your tale of woe where the crops failed, the well went dry and your dog died?
.If you want to succeed and have a good live and give your kids the best chance to do the same then:
1. Grow up and take responsibility for your life. (i.e. stop with the sob stories and excuses)
2. Realize that world owes you nothing. If you want something…..then go out and earn it.
3. Stop worrying about what you didn’t get or don’t have and appreciate what you do have.
4. Figure out that life is unfair to EVERYBODY
5. Quit worrying about what someone else got.
Today I had a great weight lifted off my shoulders when I found out that my parents don’t have to get loans for me to go to college. It’s my decision, and although they’re willing and helping me by paying what they can (my family makes 30K a year) they’ll be loan free and will hopefully be able to retire. Parents don’t deserve the weight and stress of your college loans be grateful to them for getting you to this point in life.
For the record, you have missed one other way to qualify as an independent. It often requires contacting your school of choice, and they will act as a liaison between yourself and the department of education. If it has been determined that you suffered physical or sexual abuse or undue hardship (extreme neglect and emotional/psychological abuse) and as such are living on your own, you can register as independent. This often requires paperwork signed by counselors, social workers, psychologists, and or psychiatrists, as well as a written and signed document by a family member or close family friend. I have a friend who had to do this after he was beaten, and was then living in his car for a year (walmart and kmart parking lots are surprisingly accommodating). He had to produce a hospital bill (for his broken arm), and have forms filled out by his social worker, counselor, and his aunt. It was a lengthy process (4 months), but it did go through and he was able to get the grants and loans he needed for his education. I just wanted to add this because there are some parents who do refuse to pay for ones education, and who are a very real physical threat to their own children. While the process is lengthy, it is still possible for those individuals to rise out of these situations and receive a quality education.
So, colleges can jack up their tuition as much as they want and we poor parents need to shut up, pay up or be labelled as deadbeats. Great…
My wife and I have a 17-year-old son who wants to go to college. We will help him out with that and we’re not asking for much — a decent ACT score. You’d think we had asked him to lop off an arm. He’s taken the ACT twice, his score is good enough to get in to the college he wants (albeit with little in the way of scholarships) so why should he bother with all that study and prep that interferes with video games, hanging out with his girlfriend or goofing off with his friends?
No, we’re just supposed to write some checks and stay out of his business. Why should he put out any effort to earn scholarships that would make things easier on us? After all, we owe him a college education because he wants to go and we’d hate to be labelled “deadbeats,” right?
And, God forbid we judge him on the basis of that ACT score. Perhaps he really can’t do any better.
But we still owe the little darling…
Sounds like your real issue is that you didn’t do a very good job of raising your child. That’s not society’s problem.
I’m kinda sad we share the same name. Your idiotic comment from 2014 shows your real ignorance. You are pro “parents must pay” but you are saying that parents should pay regardless of whether their child succeeded or even attempt to succeed. That sounds like progressive utopia to me. Grow up. The real world requires tangible hard work and results. You’re parents do not owe you a college education. If they do provide help then you should be eternally grateful.
I’m graduating from high school this year and I’m excited, but these comments are discourging me so much. There’s disagreements between two generations over college? Honestly, I wonder why it is difficult to attend a university now. Why do we need to do this complicated bullshit just to attend college? Shouldn’t college admissions just be based off of grades and test scores rather than the amount of money your parents make? If your parents pay for your tuition, then you’re set, right? If your parents do not have enough money, then you work and apply for financial assistance? Why does it cost thousands upon thousands just to be a “productive member of society”? I just want to go to school, learn, have fun, and have a successful future. Although my parents make good money, I do not expect them to pay for my college. I’m just going to struggle my way through achieving thousands, get loans, have the government after me, and at the end I will probably owe thousands. When I finally have my career, I’ll still be paying for the debts. I have a cousin and his parents make like 200,000 yearly! Not kidding! His dad paid his entire tuition up front For a four year university. The kid doesn’t even work! He goes to school, comes home to study, and screws around! He always laughs about how my parents make enough, but they’re not willing to pay, and I have to work hard while a rich kid just enjoys life. Here I am still figuring out how I’m going to pay for my four year state university tuition while making 7.25 at a local restaurant, and participating in sports Like cross country and track. Money, money, money! Greedy universities and their ridiculous tuition! I think being a transcendentalist or a homeless man in the woods is better. Maybe the older generation needs to understand that this is 2015, and tuition costs are not the same.
zyzz,
One of the hardest lessons to learn in life is that life is not fair. In fact the only things that we all share in life are:
1. We’re born
2. We die
3. God loves us
4. We’re each exclusively and solely responsible for our own happiness
5. We pay taxes
6. Along the way life is going to be unfair to each of us.
From what I have observed over my many years in education, foster care, and as a parent of 4 children; I have found that when a child earns something for themselves, they will appreciate it and care for it. Children that are given too much, expect to be taken care of forever and tend to blame others for their problems or mistakes. Granted, there are always exceptions. This is a major problem with our society, particularly our young men. They are all about playing games, pleasing themselves, and leaving responsibility to others. They are always willing to play, but never want to pay. Parents should not be responsible for their adult children’s education (beyond high school), their health insurance, etc. It should be an option, but not expected. They shouldn’t expect the government to pay for it, either.
Being declared an independent student should be automatic at 18, dependency is what should need to be proven. As usual, the government has it all backwards. Stop and think about the times you have said or thought this statement with your kids… “This is my house, my rules.” or a similar statement. Well, that is what the government does and the more dependent we are, more power is transferred to the government. My son who lives on his own, works for himself, and pays his own bills has no accountability to me. My son who lives in my house and asks for my money (car, etc.) has to accept my rules and live up to my expectations in order to continue to remain in my care. “If you want the government to control your lives, they will.”
Here are my thoughts on the matter:
While it is not required that a parent cover their adult child’s expenses, you need to be aware that if your income is relatively high and you are offering $0, you are hurting your child because they will not receive much financial aid Additionally, if you can, save some money early on, to help contribute to your child’s education. Finally, consider making an investment in your child. If you believe your child will make good use of their college education, will give back to the community, and/or will look after you in your old age (financially or otherwise), then it may be worthwhile to invest in his or her future.
Some of the comment by parents are ridiculous. My sister and I are both independent college students, she works full time while I work part time in the midst of looking for a second job. Life as of now is a bit complicated. We pay rent, braces, Verizon bill, food, phone bills, heat/gas. She also pays her car insurance and etc. And since I can only get up to 28 per week I use every paycheck on these expenses aforesaid. I’m left with NOTHING at the end of the month even though we split everything in 2. And now I’m stressing on how I will be able to pay for a university when I’m done with community college. What I don’t understand is why people have kids and don’t save money for their college, there is Gerber life plans, trust funds, many ways to save from the day your child is born. If your child worked hard in school that’s all that should matter. I’m not saying spoil them but its the method of work hard play hard that isn’t being taught. -excuse my sentence structures- -_-
Poor babies.
By chance did you factor in the costs your parents incurred during the first eighteen years of your lives?
At what point did you two actually plan on becoming adults and taking responsibility for your own lives?
I’m curious as to what you think are the correct proportions of “work hard” and “play hard”?
OMG Don’t have children PLEASE if you’re just going to make their life shitty as it can be, what’s the point? Why did you have 7 children you selfish ass.
I’m 20 graduated HS (With a lot of emotional mental issues) and i’ve been looking for work and have had 0 interviews due to how the system works these days (Applying online) and recently figured i want to be a nurse anyway but that these job places are not giving me a chance and nobody helps me with info or getting into courses, i need a plan i can’t just jump into a damn course if they’re asking for 14,000! IDK WTF i’m doing or have to do i can’t afford this damn course, nobody wants to hire a 20yo w/o work experience i mean i don’t mind being in dept i’d pay it off once i work as a nurse.
But damn having 0 help is really depressing and makes me question whats the point in life anyway.. this whole shit is pointless you live to work or study you suffer from dept stress and BS and you then get the job and work till you retire and have health issues and then die anyway. Great world we live in.
Z,
…and you are actually curious as to why you’re “getting zero interviews” after telling the world that you have a “lot of emotional mental issues”? At what point did you plan on figuring out that you’re a legal adult and as such fully responsible for taking care of yourself? If you’re looking for help, might I suggest that the first place you look is in the mirror.
For starters, I agree with Vanessa 100%. When you decide to have a child of your own, you should be prepared to pay at least some portion of their college, period. If you do not want to help your child with college financial expenses, don’t have a baby! It’s as simple as that. Your children did not ask for you to have them, you decided that; therefore, you are responsible to make their life as easy as possible whether you like it or not. Again, I am not saying that you should pay their entire way through college, but the least you could do as a parent is HELP. Oh, and for those of you who believe that your children should pay their own way through college because you did when you were younger, read this: you are incredibly ignorant. Just so you know, college is much, much more expensive than it was forty years ago. The average twenty-year-old cannot pay his own way through college without help from his parents. For example, the tuition for NYU (New York University) is about $40,878 per year. The current federal minimum wage is about $7.25 per hour; therefore, a full-time minimum wage employee earns about $15,080 annually. If you do the math, you will find that it would take over two and a half years for this full-time minimum wage employee to pay for a single year of college on his own; and, again, that is just for one year’s tuition! What about the other expenses? If your child had to pay all of that on his own, it would send him straight into a lifetime of debt depending on the college/university; which would eventually affect his own family! To me, it makes you deadbeats look rather selfish, knowing that your child and his family will struggle when you are gone because you were too naïve to help. Jeez, like Vanessa said, no wonder why this world is so messed up… So, with that said, I am proud to say that my parents are not deadbeats like some of you are. The both of them, along with my aunt, helped me get through my first two years of a university financially. While they did that, I got a chance to save up over the years and now I have more than enough to pay off the remaining two years that I will be taking at an out-of-state university; along with other expenses, of course. Additionally, I’ll have extra cash so I’ll be able to have my very own, special dorm all to myself. Overall, I will spend A LOT of my own savings (I’ve been saving since high school) toward these final two years of mine. Every time I see my parents I thank them for all that they have done and in turn they always tell me: “Just knowing that you will be successful and you and your family will have an easier, more stable life than we did tells us that we, as parents, have done our job. It’s the best thing a parent could ever ask for, so it’s enough for us.” Or something along those lines. That, people, is what I consider to be truly good, caring parents! Also, after reading some of these comments, I have come to the conclusion that some of you are not deadbeats, just pathetic deadbeats. Good luck. 🙂
Ever consider living within your means? If you have 3000 to put into a car do you buy a Lexus? If you can’t afford a fancy school there are less expensive options that will still give you the degree. I’m curious to see what you will do when you can’t blame your parents anymore?
Jacob,
For starters, college is not a right. It is a privilege. At what point do you think children should be required to actually become adults and take responsibility for their own lives? At present our society generally accepts that at the age of 18 one is expected to be and function as an adult.
BTW……..functioning as an adult means taking care of yourself and paying your own way in life for what you want.
After reading all these comments, all I have to say is WOW. Seriously, no wonder we are so behind as a nation. With all of these self serving parents who expect a child to “get a job” after high school and pay for an expensive degree themselves they cannot afford or receive aid because their parents make to much. How bout stop claiming them on your taxes and getting a kick back? Oh thats right its only one sided right? Seriously, this is why our country has young adults who are so messed up and have no ambition, because they have no support from their parents. You should be ashamed if you can pay to put your child in college, and you refuse to.
After reading Vanessa’s comments, all I have to say is WOW. Seriously, no wonder we are so behind as a nation. It seems that we have produced a generation of lazy, selfish, and self-entitled brats who are both unwilling and incapable of assuming any responsibility for their own lives.
I wanted to read all of this because many folks raise interesting points but then I decided not to read it all and just post. Not everyone belongs in college – in fact, about 90% of those taking up space should not be there. High cost is a direct result of colleges wanting to fill seats and admitting anyone who applies. For parents, the burden of paying for college is not yours – if you can help – great but providing a full ride without any accountability is a terrible decision. If it costs nothing – it means nothing – and thousands of dollars are partied away. Students who belong in college, who have a clear goal, find a way to make that goal a reality. My child decided 5 months into senior year that he would ‘like to go to school’. Prior to that, there was no interest in college – we asked every year starting in 2nd grade. With the late notice, we provided nothing but emotional support. He found a way – made it work – done a year and almost out of loan debt already. As I thought about it, his situation was my situation years ago, no dreams, aspirations, just a thought that I should attend school. 20 years later, PhD in hand, I owe nobody a single dime for my education (took no loans), I did not work extensively, I did not borrow heaps of money, I received no assistance from family, yet I found a way to earn money. I left grad school with 12 times the money I started with working 30 hours a week on top of my coursework/research/teaching – financing a college education is really not that hard if one is truly motivated and prepared to make it happen. The horror stories all stem from students who have no goal, flounder in the system, and get sucked into the predatory lending/tuition/for profit cycle.
My son dropped out of high school against my will. He never put any effort into school at all. He lived for free in my house for years. He has worked for 3 years now and not saved a thing. He got his GED and now he decides to go to junior college. He thinks I should pay for it. He is only 21 and so he can’t get independent status, and he is only going to start out taking two classes anyways (about $600.00). He wants me to pay for it. I have no confidence that he is even going to complete the classes. The answer is NO!
I am a bit confused re: parents that are paying for their child’s college yet say they don’t have access to their kid’s student records. If the kid has access you have access. Ask them for whatever you want. No docs, no $$, no surprises.
Wow, its only 600 dollars and you won’t help him out? Good going parent of the year!! Show him that tough love! its been working so far!
The point is that he worked for 3 years and did not save anything towards the $600 so why should his parents try harder than he does for his future?
Tough love would have been the boot when he decided to drop out of HS. They were definitely not tough on him.
Time to kick that spoiled 21 year old boy out on his ear and tell him to grow up , become a man, get a job, and take responsibility for his own life.
Big Education is the issue here and author is avoiding it. 30 years ago, college was relatively affordable. Today, each year of tuition can be more than a typical family earns. Why? It’s been documented how universities now increase tuition/fees in lockstep with aid increases. It’s a business, folks. Just like Big Oil.
Deadbeat parents? No. Sensible and asking questions like why are college loan officers in jail in NYS in jail for kickbacks? (True) Why do over 10 pct of “career” taxi drivers in NYC and Chicago have college degrees? (True) Why is the value of the college degree dropping like a rock while the employment rate of technical grads like welders and machine tool operators is in the low single digits. As a dad, I’d be grateful for child who’s a skilled mason making monuments for the ages versus some RISD grad doing “sculpture.”
Good parents have a responsibility not to let their kids be financially exploited. You wouldn’t accept exploitation from Bank of America. Why do you think an Ivy League BUSINESS (trademark, logo, etc…) is any different?
Seriously………….
If you’re your a young person and you want a job/career where you make BIG money and have darn near absolute job security I’d strongly suggest that you look at becoming a plumber, an electrician, a carpenter, or a mechanic. Everybody needs one at some point and we always want to know the name of a good one.
The poster that stated that too many folks are in college today is IMHO absolutely correct. Just look at some of the ridiculous degree programs that kids today choose to major in only find themselves $50K – $100K in debt and working at McDonalds. If anything we as a nation to re-emphasize skilled labor trades which are in such short supply today.
I am in my 20s and I do not expect my parents to pay anything. I chose to go to college. I am over the age of 18. My parents should not have to pay for my decisions. I think my generation needs to stop being so self absorbed. My friend told me the other day her mother (who has health issues and is getting older) is paying her college bills. I just about died and it may end our friendship. She chose to move across the country and get a degree that isn’t getting her anywhere. Why should her parents, who should be close to retiring, have to get an extra job because she can’t pay her bills? It’s ridiculous.
NOW, the ONLY time I agree with parents paying for their kids tuition is if they are getting something back. For example, a medical career means job stability and the ability to care for your parents in their old age. That’s a good trade off.
I personally cannot afford the out of pocket expense upfront to a university but my son insisted on going. I knew he couldn’t afford it so I did what I thought at the time was the right thing to do & I got a parent loan to pay his expenses. He got the standard Stafford Loan. The first semester he dropped one class and failed a class…finished with 9 hrs and was on acedemic probation. The next semester he dropped a class and finished with 9 hrs but GPA was above 2.0 and he came off probation. I gave him money ($350 a month), his rent was paid with my loan and his dad gave him $250 a month. He had no expenses as his dad provided him with a car & insurance. He always asked for more money. He would often put gilt trip on me to get me to send him more by saying he was hungry. He is several hours away from home & I can’t just go by him groceries so I would comply & wire money to him. He always had an excuse as to what he spent his money on. The second year, I was not approved for the parent loan due to a medical bill that suddenly showed up on my credit. It was a bill for a surgery for him 2 years before that was supposed to go to his father & I had never seen the bill nor had I heard from anyone regarding it. Upon further investigation (I had NEVER been turned down for any credit & I pay my debts) I discovered that the hospital had made an error and did send the bill to my ex but they sent to his address with my name on it. Instead of paying the measly $400 or contacting me about it, he trashed it because it wasn’t his. When my son found out I couldn’t get the loan and his dad refused to help anymore he went up to the school & was approved another loan. This loan was not quite enough for all expenses so I agreed that I would pay his rent along with the $350 but that was my absolute limit that I could afford. His rent was $750 a month meaning I was spending $1100 a month. I advised my son that if he needed more than I was sending, he should consider getting a job to help fund his way through school. That semester he claimed he was going to do so much better and focus. He took 15 hrs but dropped 2 classes and finished with 9. The next semester, he took 12 hrs…dropped 2 classes right off the bat leaving only 6 hrs/2 classes and he failed both of those. His GPA dropped below 2.0 again and since he did not pass one class that he received financial aid for, he was now on Financial Aid Suspension. His only way to go back to school was to take a summer class, pass it & he could get financial aid again. I told him that he had not shown me any reason to believe that he wanted an education. I felt he was there for the party but not for the class and I refused to pay for his summer class or his rent for the summer. He works in sales and often makes $1000 week paycheck. The class was $1000. My therory…if you want it bad enough, make it happen. He applied for an emergency loan from the school for the tuition and signed up for class. The course was only 5 weeks long but my son managed to miss more than 1/2 the classes and seemed to have NO IDEA when the final would be…YEP, he failed the class. He layed out last semester and just worked. I felt for sure he was finally growing up. A couple of weeks ago he decided he really wanted to go back to school & claimed he was ready this time. I am still not convinced but he made an appeal (he is an awesome salesman) to the school and won so he is back in. I’m sorry but after all I have spent that I honestly felt was just thrown into never never land and the previous lack of ambition to not only miss class but fail to apply himself and finish has me on edge. He told me after the summer class when he knew he had failed that he thought perhaps college just wasn’t for him and he would just work and try to figure out what he wanted to do with his life. I have not paid his rent since June of last year but have given him money on occasion. He has been working and paying his own way. Now he wants me to pay his rent again and go back to the way things were before. I work hard for my money and have never up to this point spent it on me. I have recently (since he was no longer in school) created a little debt on some things that I have always wanted and don’t have the extra anymore for his rent. He is upset and tells me that I am a not being a good parent for not supporting him. It’s not that I don’t support him…I am just not getting any younger and would like to enjoy some of what I earned myself. He says that is being selfish. I feel like he had the opportunity with all the help and blew it. If he wants this bad enough (I will offer tons of moral support) he will figure out a way to make it happen and perhaps he may appreciate it and work harder towards it. Just my opinion. I certainly would not consider myself a deadbeat parent.
My Story – As I have read through the many posts on this subject, yours is the one that I most appreciate. I think you have gone way beyond the call of duty. It’s obvious that you love your son and have made sacrifices to do what you thought was right. I’m concerned with some of the posts I’ve read on both sides of the discussion. I don’t think there’s one right answer. I personally feel that a parent should try to help their children to a reasonable degree, but I don’t think that any of us can know with certainty what is right for someone else and their children. It’s hard enough to know what’s right in our own situation when we have all of the facts, so just to make a broad sweeping statement that THIS is right or THAT is wrong I think is just silly and a little irresponsible. My wife and I don’t even agree all the time, so we have to talk things through and sometimes compromise. Honestly, I’m concerned about the current generation of students. Some children, (and I think in general, it’s a much larger % of them now than at any time in history) are so entitled that they are willing to literally bankrupt and/or financially ruin their parents permanently so that they can have the college “experience”, and I’m more and more concerned that too many of them have little or no interest in actually learning, or even just getting the degree…it’s the experience of college life that they want. Again, I know these are generalizations and there are certainly exceptions out there. I say BRAVO to you. You have already done a lot to help your son, and based on what you’ve said here, I think you’re the opposite of a deadbeat parent. I think (and again, I can’t really know what is right for you), but I think the best thing you can do for your son is provide that moral support you mentioned and the unconditional love that a parent gives their children. Let him struggle a bit and hopefully he will figure it out.
I’m just wondering who the heck is in charge here? You the responsible and accountable parent? Or……the irresponsible, spoiled brat of a kid? From what you’ve stated, I think it’s time to tell Mr. Underachiever that he’s on his own.
After reading some comments and this article, I feel grateful to have help from my parents. But one thing I know for sure is to help my parents pay the loans they took out for me, because it was a team effort to send my sister and I to school. Honestly, the college experience should always be a united pursuit, instead of the bitter I did all by myself, so you should as well. I think the relationship between the parent and the student is a very important factor when it come to investing into his or her college education. Another point is the American system for college is different compared to other institution overseas. My parents went to Uni for free and were clueless about the system here.
So, during the first three years I was working, so it was fine ( working still did not make ends meet, so they stepped in), but as my grades dropped working full time hours with a 21 credit course load, there was trouble. Depending on what you are studying, a bachelors is not enough and even the composition of the course load and content. Luckily I was able to pull off finishing my major in three years, but decided to stay for a minor to help a research career. I’m on a track where I will be in school for about another 8 years. The long term investment will have a greater ROI, then just a 4 year degree. Making an effort to pay for some of the expenses like books, were my sole responsibility and the only thing I could contribute. Now let consider research, now there is an investment of time and small school like mine don not have money to give to student, so that is free taking from work and studying.
Every situation is different and sometimes you need to help. I wanted to drop out for a few years to just work, but their mindset was she has to graduate to keep face in the community (I’m of asian descent and the little community here uses children as trophies, it’s silly). Parents who don’t help their kids or by society standards “adults” by 21/22, may have their values out of place. Because to say well I’m not going to help you out, because I did all by myself, is not a valid justification. Then factor in the upbringing “tactics” and even their own personal perspective.
Also, many career paths need a college a degree, but some don’t, so pursuing something that you have a passion for is worth it. To get a degree because it what you have to do, is not the best route and even thinking that I’m going to make “mad money” is only a misconception.
Kei,
I’m glad you want to help your parents pay back loans they took out so you could go to college. So many of your peers seem to think that parents are obligated to pay all the bills so that they can “live the college life”. However, might I suggest that you re-examine why you need another eight years of college, get a job, take that additional step into adulthood and take on the responsibility of simply assuming responsibility for and then paying off the loans your parents took out for you.
BTW………..you shouldn’t think that someone should be bitter because they had to pay their own way through college. Rather you should realize that taking responsibility for one’s own life and paying one’s own way through school is something to be rather proud of.
I’m 22 I’ve been independent since 18 n i was able to afford college for the 2yrs i attended without having to rely on any support from my parents while i was supporting my girlfriend n son also paying for her tuition by working hard. I think if a person is truly focused on going to college actually if a person is determined to pursue high learning its in no way the parents responsibility to pay for it funds available or not. At that point those kids/children are suppose to be adults. If a parent is to be considered a deadbeat for not financing their kids education then they should also be labeled bad parents for not making sure they did the homework or for not having their kids read the assigned litt to them out loud. Mite as well also make the parents responsible for the grade . Get a job wonder how momy n dady made it work n do what u can u can do mostly all u units required by a degree in community college then tranfer to a major university to recieve the degree. Everyone just wants everything handed to them
Hi, what a thought-provoking article, and I really enjoyed scrolling through a few comments. Definitely a controversial topic. In my humble opinion only, education is overpriced and simply not worth the exuberant fees that are being applied to it. It’s ridiculous to think that someone (regardless of who pays) could be in debt for most of their adult lives simply because of an education that – I hate to say – is often not worth the paper it is written on. I think the education systems needs a complete re-vamp.
well darn, I wish there was a simple little “like” button! Met a cashier at Office Depot who told me she had three advanced degrees in Chemical Engineering and paid 1500 a month on her student loans out of a paycheck from working as a cashier! Wake up America, we need an educational revolution!
No Melanie, we need people to grow up, take responsibility and refuse to attend the universities who have chosen to participate in raising tuitions to often ludicrous levels.
When you want to get someone’s attention…….aim for the wallet. Stop patronizing colleges that have jacked costs up, and it won’t be long before those costs not only level off but also start dropping to realistic levels.
Melanie,
Are you really that gullible that you believe a cashier at Office Depot really has “three advanced degrees in Chemical Engineering”? If so I’ve got some prime ocean front property in New Mexico I’d love to sell you.
Here is my take on FASFA:
If you can’t afford to pay back the financial aide – DON’T APPLY FOR IT.
It’s really not a hard concept to grasp. It’s NOT REALLY AIDE.
I have yet to hear of a college that won’t accept cash for education.
Some people hear AIDE and they think instant help: just add SS#. If you can’t afford to go, don’t.
I can’t afford to drive a Mercedes – so I don’t. I like them and it would be nice to have, but the payment would kill me.
There is no law that says right out of high school you MUST go to college or you are going to die.
If your excuse is”Well, if they don’t go right out of school, they may lose the will to learn”
Listen, if they lose the will to learn after a year or so the will to learn was never there to begin with.
“They might end up in trouble and get side tracked”
Gee, I wonder what their upbringing says about that.
WAKE UP! I think so called “DEADBEAT” was/is a “SMART BEAT”
I’m sorry but if your parents don’t want to spend “their money” for your college, tough luck so bad. There are many other options to pay for your college. Join the military like I did. I served the U.S. Navy for 10 years and used the GI Bill to pay for my degree while working full time.
Amen Brother.
Thank you for your service.
Amen to that!
Like you……….. I too joined the United States Navy after high school. I joined with the idea of serving four years and using the money to go to college. Along the way, I decided I really loved what I did in the Navy and I ended up staying in the Navy for 30 years. Looking back….joining the U.S. Navy was surely one of the very best things I ever did. I got awesome training, got to go to college, had the privilege to serve with some of the finest people you’d ever meet, and had the honor to serve the greatest nation on earth.
Heres A question. Do you keep giving them money to pay for college if they get married? My Step daughter just started college and didnt even make it 2 weeks when she announced she is engaged and wants to get married in 3 months. Now we are not thrilled with the situation at all but she old enough to do what she pleases now. Is it right for us to close Daddies wallet and let her and the new hubby pay the tuition?
In a word………………..
YES.
If she’s old enough to get married and start a family, she’s old enough to pay her way through school or make whatever decision is necessary to help take care of her family.
At some point this generation of kids has got to learn that you are responsible for the consequences of the choices you make.
My daughter’s father is also a complete deadbeat when it comes to helping with her college. He’s worth millions but refuses to help her with her college. It’s not like I extorted huge amounts of child support from him when she was growing up. All I asked from him was that he just paid for her private school, as I lived in an area where the public schools were just overcrowded. She and I lived week to week while he was always out traveling the world, living in Beverly Hillls, CA, and driving a Rolls.
My daughter and I have school loans, and she also works while she’s away at school. We are doing the best we can without her dads financial help but what really bothers me is the government’s rules on what it considers dependant vs independant student and how it contradicts the child support laws in my state. In Ohio, child support ends at 18/ or when the child graduates high school. So, my daughter thru the CSEA, is an independant adult at 18. However, the fafsa considers her a dependant student basically until she’s 24- regardless of how much she pays towards her school and living expenses. How is this right? If she’s considered to be a dependant student then why doesn’t her dad have a legal, financial, responsibility to contribute to her school expenses? Am I way off here?
Yes, you’re way off here. Your daughter is a legal adult and needs to take responsibility for her own life. BTW……..you’re a legal adult and you need to do the same.
Your story sounds an awful lot like what you really after here is for your ex-hubby to pay off your loans and keep paying your bills. If as you state you lived in an area where public schools were that over crowded, then why didn’t you consider relocating to a better place that was also a lot more affordable (like say out of Ohio to Kentucky, for example)? I’ll bet you didn’t.
Once again we’ve got that old familiar case of the bitter ex-wife who couldn’t wait to divorce her hubby, but somehow still has the delusion that her hubby has to take care of her bills, and is madder than a wet hen that her ex has actually moved on with his life and is happy.
I was raised in a family that told their kids, “When you are 18, you have to get a job and move out.” There was no mention of college. In fact, my own father told me when I expressed an interest in college when I was a freshman in high school, “What?!!! Who do you think you are? You are not a rich kid, nor are you smart enough to go to college. NO!!! You are going to get a job you probably will not like, move out of the house, and/or get married, have kids and take care of your husband.” When I was fresh out of high school, working and living on my own, I enrolled in a trade school. Only I found out my parents were claiming me as their dependent on their taxes. This was a LIE as I was not living with them and they certainly were not paying any of my bills. Because of their LIE, I was refused any grant money due to their combined income levels.
My paternal grandparents lost a small savings in 1929 when the stock market crashed and the banks failed. From that time on, everything they made, they saved in their hall closet due to the fear of losing their money again. When I was a child in the early 1970s, my aunt discovered that they had about $1 million in cash locked up in a hall closet. At that time she insisted she take over their bookkeeping, banking and investing. They told her to put “$30K in Santa Barbara savings accounts for each grandchild for college.” After they died, those accounts according to my aunt “never existed.” Only problem is, my grandfather showed them to me. There were six passbook accounts. Two to her sons and four to my brother, sisters and myself. To this day she has never allowed my father or her sister to see their records. She threw a tantrum and has cut herself off from the family completely. I have a BA which cost me $32,000. That could have really helped. Not to mention a trade school I had gone to earlier that cost me as well. A student loan I had paid off little by little by myself. Oddly, with my uncle’s low paying blue collar job, they always had money to remodel their home, landscape often, take really nice vacations, dress impeccably, and drive a new car every year. She made fun of the fact we were not like them. I can only assume she liquidated all the accounts. Including her kids as they have financially struggled. When I think of my aunt, a scripture comes to my mind, “The love of money is the root of all evil.”
My cousin and her husband on my maternal side are multimillionaires. After both of their sons moved out of their house at 18 as instructed, they bought land in a gated community, on a golf course and built a two bedroom 5,000 square foot home. All the while their sons worked jobs, took out student loans, applied for scholarships (money that could have gone to kids with broke parents) and paid their own bills. Which they did. My cousin and her husband wonder why her sons are so disconnected from them as they have taken jobs in other states and have their own families and rarely see them. DUH! My gripe is when parents can afford to send their kids to college, I think they should pay for it. It is uncaring and unloving to take away opportunity from students of lesser financial mobility. It is greedy and evil in my opinion.
Hi Roxy,
Sounds like my kind of family situation. Money and their comfortable life is so damned important to them – I have the globe trotting millionaire aunt who bilked me out of my grandfather’s education trust account, the parents who will not even co-sign on my application for study loans but pay $80k cash for a car and much more for a luxury home with marble floors and wood and glass inlays and loans to their godson’s deadbeat parents and a couple of crazy aunts who treated their children as cows to be milked – asked their children for an allowance from their scholarship money when they are comfortably off and not contributing to their children’s future. Fast forward a couple of years, I got cancer out of graduate school ( undergrad and grad degree all paid with my own money and loans co-signed by a secretary who took pity on me). Once again, medical bills were all my responsibility. And even giving me a roof over my head became an irksome task for which I was berated and humiliated no end. Recently, I was asked to help pay for an expensive birthday lunch and 2 weeks holiday trip to Europe. My siblings and I do ok, but with so much stress and hardship. I do have some cousins whose parents helped them unstintingly and they have mostly done better than those of us with irresponsible and selfish parents. When I looked at my brother-in-law’s mother who chose to live in a much smaller house and invest the extra in her children and grandchildren …. I see the headstart that her love had given them.
P,
I hope you made a full recovery from your bout with cancer. With that said, you need to realize that ultimately, college and certainly anything post graduate is and should be your responsibility. If an aunt “bilked” you out of your grandfather’s education trust fund then you should’ve hired an attorney to protect your interests.
This issue is very complex. I have been a school counselor for over 15 years and have observed the multiple views on this issue. There is no good solution. The only one that makes any sense is what is right for the student/family.
I paid my own way through college. I taught me that with hard work and dedication, I can made it. It made me accountable for my grades – if I failed, I had to suffer the financial consequences of having to retake and pay again for a class. Guess what? I was on the Dean’s List every semester. I worked during college and two jobs over the summers. It taught me time management skills and budgeting. Yet down the hall was a friend whose parents paid for everything and provided her a $600 clothes allowance to JCrew. She did not go class, whined about classes and projects, got drunk and high continuously, and did not complete her degree in five years.
As a school counselor I work with families on financial aid and try to guide them the best way I can; however, most families I work with only want to know how to go to college for free. Somewhere, someone gave families the impression that college is free if you know the secrets. Yes, the government provides a federal program called the FAFSA to assist families with college tuition and expenses. It is very complex and takes multiple variables into consideration: family income, number of family in college, assets, etc. It is not a program to completely fund a child’s education but than make attending college more affordable. That is the number one mistake parents make. Do not rely on the government to fund your child’s education. Yes, there are going to be a small percentage of students who will receive a lot of aid from the government because they are first generation college students coming from a household considered low income. Remember, the government wants to support these students to get them out of the poverty cycle so that government (and taxpayers) do not need to spend more money on welfare and other benefits in the future. This is actually a good thing.
Overall, if you are a parent, you need to have an honest conversation with your child on your financial commitment to their education. No, it is not fair when parents who can afford to pay don’t pay anything. I see this with wealthy families. The government expects these parents to pay for the education, and when they do not, the student can not afford it on their own. The student is s**t out of luck until they can claim independent status. Middle class families are barely making it financially, yet they are still expected to finance part of the education. Is this fair? No, but post-secondary education is not a right in the US. Parents must discuss their financial options with a financial planner while their children are in elementary school. The planner will assist with proper financial planning for college. Many times parents wait until the child’s 11th or 12 grade year to start planning, and it is way too late. Families will need to determine what elements to sacrifice to assist in funding an education: family vacations, unnecessary shopping splurges, upgrading to a larger home, new vehicles, etc. Sacrifice is the key when planning for your child’s education; unless you are a parent that refuses or cannot afford to assist in financing an education.
For parents who are not going to fund the education, be clear to your child early on (10th grade). Don’t expect any “Parent of the Year” awards for this decision. Yes, your “obligation” to provide to your student stops at 18, but is that really what you want to do? Remember that the FAFSA is going to still use your income and assets to determine your child’s aid. If this is what you still want to do, then you need to help your child to develop a concrete plan on how to finance their education, including appropriate college choices (like community college), creating a structured home study regime (so that they attain excellent grades); helping them obtain a great part-time job to help them pay to register for college entrance tests, college application fees, and college deposits; and teaching them life management skills: open a bank account, understand how to rent an apartment, how to buy a vehicle/insurance, how to buy medical/dental insurance, etc.
I also want to leave a stern warning for parents regarding the FAFSA – don’t try and cheat the system. This business of making your child claim independent is cheating the system. Just because this one parent was able to get his children through the system by doing this, it doesn’t mean that others should try. You don’t know his entire story or the children’s. Remember that independent students must pay for EVERYTHING themselves including health insurance. Does a 19 year old really need to attempt to pay this game to get themselves through college? I guess we all have differing points of view on what is means to be a parent and when you stop being one.
Kerry,
Here’s a little newsflash for you……..most parents who paid their own way through college are willing to help. The problem is that we seem to have a generation of self-entitled brats who are legally adults will do nothing whatsoever such as going for academic, ROTC or athletic scholarships, or looking for co-op programs to be part of, or even getting a JOB to help defray the costs of their own educations. Rather they want to attend out of state schools that costs upwards of ten and twenty times what local schools that offer the same majors cost, and then literally throw temper tantrums that rival any thrown by the brattiest five year old when they get told “no” by mom and dad. My best friend found himself in a situation where he was called a deadbeat by his ex-wife and spoiled son. So you have a little background…….. My friend and I enlisted out of high school in the U.S. Navy to take part in the Montgomery G.I. Bill. Both us ended up serving many years on active duty. My friend initially got out after four years went to school, joined ROTC, worked a 32 hour job at a local gym, and actually was a cage fighter (the brutal precursor of MMA) earning $250.00 for each victory and $50.00 for each loss. Ultimately he walked-on our university’s football team and was awarded a partial scholarship. As a result of his participation in ROTC he was commissioned as an Ensign after graduation and went on a very distinguished career which in total lasted nearly 30 years. When his son started looking at colleges he told him that he would help provided that:
a. the boy went to an in-state school
b. the boy chose a major that was actually marketable (his father is a mechanical engineer)
c. the boy walked on for a varsity sport (or at least tried to walk-on)
d. the boy work to help defray the costs
e. the boy get an academic or ROTC scholarship
At the urging of his mother (who to this day insists on spreading the lies that her ex-husband was never in the Navy (their children were both born at military hospitals and they were married in a military chapel), her ex-husband never went to college let alone was a varsity athlete, and her husband is a convicted felon) the boy refused his father’s offer and chose to attend a small out-of-state college that costs upwards of $50K per year. My friend told his son that if he attended a “division 2” school that was in-state that had all the programs the boy was interested in that he’d pay for all of the boy’s college costs, and the boy flatly refused in my presence. That same night when I asked the young man about an ROTC scholarship, the boy has told his father and I (two retried naval officers) that “the military is for losers who can’t do anything else”. Since that time he has fully embraced the lies his mother has spread and continues to try to spread. Although the boy claimed to have been a “straight A student in school” and to have made a 34 on his ACT, he couldn’t get any kind of academic scholarship, which makes one wonder about the truthfulness of his claims regarding grades and test scores. As a final “gesture”, the boy has since cut off all contact with his father going so far as to change his name, but yet had the gall to call me and ask if “his dad still covered him on his Tricare Medical Plan”. I wanted to tell that snot nosed brat what I thought of him, but instead I told him that he needed to ask his father that directly. I also asked him why if he didn’t want his father’s name did he want his father’s benefits. He of course had no answer. To this date he hasn’t spoken to his dad. However, to this date his father continues to “hold the door open” for him and keeps him on the medical benefits. I have always greatly admired my friend, but never more than I do now for being willing to endure such heartbreak all the while holding out the light of hope and all the while keeping the door of love open.
I’m sorry you feel the need to call parents that make good money “deadbeat parents” if they don’t help with paying for college for their adult children ( 18 IS a legal adult last I checked). I help and have paid for all tuition and the first 2 years of 2 of my 4 children so far but I don’t agree with your opinion. It concerns me that my children hear people talk as you have and tell me that their responsibilities shouldn’t include college costs. You are an expert I respect but you have not acted professionally, in my opinion, when you use words like “deadbeat parents”. You’ve decided who should and shouldn’t be able to pay, without knowing individual circumstances. I am even more troubled with the government choosing an arbitrary 24 years for most adults to be considered independent. I understand the problem with “abuse” but that doesn’t make it ok to try to force parents to give their financial information to their adult children in order to apply for FASFA. I find the whole thing going in a terrible direction.
Pretty soon the government is going to promote the idea that parents should pay for their adult children to be on their insurance until their in their mid twenties! Oh, that’s right, they just did! Please reconsider your position. We just might be hurting our children and ourselves by these decisions. Who’s John Galt?
When did it become the parents responsibility to fund a college education anyway? Some con person on Madison Avenue or Washington DC invented that “guilt trip”. Don’t parents have enough on their plates anyway?
Don’t get me wrong, any parent should be willing to help their children out to the best their ability. However, it should not be considered their responsibility. That’s why college has become so expensive in the first place. Convince them to mortgage their house for the cost and it will go up as far as they can push it. Welcome to the “Educational Industrial Complex”.
In my day, if you could not afford a 4 year university, you went to community college to keep the expenses down. Kids are spoiled today and expect everything handed to them on a silver platter.
Deadbeat parent? I don’t think so. I’m going to retire at age 62 and not with a $100,000.00 bill to pay.
It’s not the parents’ fault…it is the system that is flawed. Neither of my parents have college degrees and they made a combined total of about $40,000 last year. They live frugally and have managed to save and invest about $60,000. Spending this savings on college education for my sister and I would make them unable to retire, as they are in their mid-50s. Yet reporting this savings on my FAFSA ruins my chances of getting any financial aid aside from unsubsidized loans. I am a good student and after two years in college have a 3.89 cumulative GPA. While this is good, it simply is not scholarship material. I always think I could do better in college if I did not have to work full time just to pay for the costs. I make $10.50 an hour, but that mostly just pays for the expenses of living on my own. I have $20,000 in debt already and I am only halfway through college. I am working toward a B.A. in social work, so it is not as if I will be making a lot of money when I graduate. I do not know how I will pay off those loans. My boyfriend and I have been living together since I started college. We would like to get married but cannot afford it. He would like to go back to school also but I do not think I will be able to afford to give him the financial help he needs because I will be spending the next thirty years paying off these horrible loans.
i wish for the best of you and try to succeed during these hard times and the economy
There is a good major that you kid can choose, that is computer science. Try to make your kid good at math in elementary, middle and high school to be able to successful in the college.
After 1st year of computer science, you can find a very good pay intern job in bay area in silicon valley. Most intern get paid between $20 ~ $40 as an intern here. A friend of mine has low income, the parent does not have money to pay for kid’s college education. Their kid is in computer science major. Now the kid graduated from college about two year ago, with only $5000 debt. He worked at school and when the school is off for many software jobs. He now earns 6 digit number of salary yearly. He just brought a house for more than half a million. So if you want your kid have less debt and high income after graduation, just ask him to study computer science. Very high paying job.
20-40 an hour? Is this true? I make just over 20 an hour, and am an electrical engineer, with other AS degrees in telecommunications, networking, and computer science.
On that note…I was financially obligated to all my college expenses, 100%; I love school, and it would have been nice to get some assistance, as I am still paying for it, in my fifties, and my career requires continued education, in order to keep up with the times. My dad made more than I do now…not counting inflation…working on the line at a Ford plant, and has been retired for over twenty-five years, on his Ford pension.
I know my parents loved me (mom passed away;) parents should not have to live under a bridge to put their kids through college, but there are college saving plans that most can afford.
I had the ULTIMATE deadbeat father when I went to college. He was LITERALLY worth at least 10 of millions of dollars. He basically stole an inheritance that my grandparents meant for me (like he needed the money), yet left me with the tax burden that accrued EVERY year. I was a minor and homeless. My father not only refused to help me as a homeless minor, he refused me medical treatment when I was ill, and of course refused to pay for college (despite promises to do so). Yet he still claimed me on his taxes, making it impossible for me to receive any financial aid. It took me well over a decade to work my way through school, all while I was paying a tax burden that should never have been mine on money I never received or controlled. It also took my over 25 years to unravel his web of deceit and try to get someone to listen and help me. No help ever came by the way, the best I could do was disentangle myself from his fraud, I will never recover what I lost.
Now I have a child, and I know that even without the burdens and obstacles my father created for me, it is virtually impossible for a child to just work their way through school. I will do all I can to help him get his education. At 12 he has already made up his mind that he wants college, and he has started his own savings towards the tuition. So I, as a loving and responsible parent, will step up and do everything within my power to help this hard working and responsible kid build a life for himself.
Basically, I will do the exact opposite of what my scumbag father did. What a concept, a parent actually caring for their children and not expecting someone else to step up and pay. If you can not (or do not want to) care for your children properly, do not have them. It is that simple. My kid is the greatest single joy in my life, and I will repay him for that by supporting him and helping him achieve his goals.
I suspect it would be quite interesting to hear your father’s side of what happened. Somehow I think we’d hear a vastly different story.
I am currently a student in college which is obvious from my name. I am currently debt free except one small loan I took for living expenses for summer classes. This loan will be paid back in full before I graduate. I keep reading where people are arguing both sides of this, and I see where both are right. If you can afford to help your child through school, then I do not see where the problem is. Each parent wants their child to succeed, so why would you not help your child do just that? There are those parents that cannot help foot the bill for college. That is understandable. I think the main issue here is one of communication. Before your child chooses a college, you should make it clear to them if you are able to help at all how much per year or per semester. There is no since in the student going to a school like NYU or Harvard if they cannot afford it with or without the parent’s help. These parent who have put themselves in a bind should not blame their children. They were unreasonable to expect that they could pay back the sum that the child borrowed. It would have been better to let him/her know ahead of time what they could afford. I knew going into high school, that if I didn’t excel in my grades, college was not an option without massive loans, so I worked hard. These parents who say, “I did it by myself. Now you need to learn to,” obviously have the wrong idea. If my mother had attended college where I do when she graduated in 1989, her tuition would have been approximately one sixth of what I pay. It is ridiculous to think that the times and money value haven’t changed in the last 24 years. Parents, think carefully about what you are saying.
As a student, this is a topic that really gets me….
First if all, YOU CHOSE to have a child. It is YOUR responsibility to try to give them the best life they can get. If you raise your child right, they WONT be drop-out who sink of all of your money and leave you to foot the bill. Have some sense- just because Johnny and Sally’s son wasted their money and flunked doesn’t mean your child will.
There are many ways to safeguard your investment. First: raise them right. If you raise spoiled rotten kids- don’t be shocked when they take your money and run.
Personally, my mom is newly married with a husband, making enough to help- but won’t. “I’ll give you as much as I was given” If you are as selfish as that- just don’t have kids.
I am a HARD WORKING student. I’m still in high school, working on my AA. Ill have 2 years done at my community college by the time I’m 18. My boyfriend and I plan on getting our doctoral degrees…that costs a lot. Even though were attending a state university after going to CC. HIS father is going to help him. HE IS IN NO WAY “Spoiled” for that! His dad put him here, his dad is going to help. (His dads not a millionaire either)
So, HELP your kids. YOU put them here. MAKE them work, maintain a GPA and whatnot. Or, pay for their living expenses and let them worry about tuition and books. The things they can get scholarships for.
To say “I’m not going to help my kids” makes you a DEADBEAT. Those parents who don’t make much aren’t- they find other ways to help though. REFUSING makes you a deadbeat. Forcing thousands of debt on your child, when you don’t have to makes you a deadbeat.
Just try to help your kids…you put them here.
When my boyfriend and I get married and have A child (BECAUSE YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE MORE KIDS THAN YOU CAN AFFORD), we will tell them “Work, because we had to” whilst we are saving. When they finally graduate, and have found scholarships, we will tell them about the savings fund, and tell them “we will give you this money if you find a job, work 10-20 hours a week, and maintain at least a 3.4- send us the grades, we’ll send you they money”
THAT’S PARENTING, not this selfish stuff you guys are doing.
i agree with you… like nobody told you have kids and not support them any type of way financially just because their 18
Ya know, once upon a time there wasn’t any federal money to go to college, so parents scrimped and saved wisely.
This is not possible now.
The loans you get have to be paid back.
The grants you get are not much!
Scholarships are out there…tons of them. Those are NOT federal money.
and it is possible for a kid to WORK to pay for college or part of it.
NO ONE SAID YOU HAD TO GO TO A IVY LEAGUE school, either.
AND IF YOU’RE GOING TO BE A DOCTOR OR LAWYER OR SUCH…you will make plenty of money if you are good at it…to pay back student loans.
so, if parents pay for it, where the hell does this money come from?
and how many kids every return that favor later? Do they pay their parents back so they have a nice retirement? NO!
OMG! Seriously…deadbeat parents? At least they’re getting their kids in school and not on welfare or working low paying jobs!
LOANS HAVE TO BE PAID BACK!!!
LOANS STAY ON YOUR CREDIT REPORT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES!!!!!!
you will totally screw yourself if you don’t pay them back.
My point is….
there is money for school.
kids can get financial aid.
Sure, it’s a lot.
but who the hell says the parents should be forking out 50k-250k for their kids college?????
You people are ignorant if you think so.
Good luck with that.
(Most) Rich people lack common sense and logic when it comes to everyone else.
I am divorced with 2 children. I pay over $1000.00 a month in child support. My ex wife has not worked since I knew her. She should have had a job and stopped relying on my child support and her mother. I have not seen my children in years. Never to receive any medical , education or behavior information on them. My ex wife has alienated from from our children. They have no father in their lives. Once at a visitation my sister asked to take a photo of Daddy and his daughters , the younger one said ” Mommy said no pictures .” My ex wife went out of state on vacation with my children with out ever notifying me. I should have had her arrested for kidnapping. Why should I have to pay for them to attend college. They should pay themselves or each have a job working or take out loans themselves. I do not think they need college to exceed in life. I never went college and I am living a comfortable life. They have a choice do it themselves or be a bloodsucking monster like their mother. Joint custody does not exist ! They turned 18 years old now you two our on your own. Wa Wa Wa go cry to Mommy 1
Your email makes me sad. I feel for the children in the middle of divorced parents who hate each other.
Lynn O’Shaughnessy
Not sure why you got so screwed or why you allow her to screw you harder…but, I agree with you! WHY SHOULD YOU PAY!!!
the narrow mind who wrote this is out of touch with reality.
They live in a bubble.
I am a woman. I think men get the shaft! Then there’s this idiot writing this without even considering the fact MOST PARENTS DIVORCE AND THE MAN GETS TOTALLY SCREWED FINANCIALLY so who really is going to pay?
I hope you the rest of your life is spent enjoying your adult children. They will understand how things went down, if not now, when they are older. Be patient. Be kind. Do not speak against their mother.
Tell the truth.
Even if you made mistakes.
🙂
Good luck.
Jeff,
Your story is an all too common tragic occurrence in our society. Divorced fathers subjected to a campaign of deliberate alienation by a bitter and nasty ex-wife who in all likelihood wanted the divorce because she thought she had “something better” all lined up only to find that “fell through”. In fact we even have a term that is being recognized by more and more folks in this country known as Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). In the ex-wife’s lust for “vengeance” for getting what she wanted….a divorce……..the kids are placed squarely in the middle of a war zone so they can be used as a source to suck up cash from dad and his family for everything from clothes, to shoes, summer camps, sports, “lessons”, etc….. (which by the way is supposed to be what Child Support is used for, but……..is rarely used for), and later tuition and fees for schools, and finally college expenses. Ultimately, the kids are subjected to a steady and relentless bombardment of lies, distortions about their father and their father’s family which over a period of many years drives a wedge between dad and his kids that ends up alienating a father from his children to the point where he loses contact with them.
Nonetheless, as your children have chosen as adults to continue to participate in their mother’s campaign of lies and distortions to alienate you they can also reap the benefits of that participation. One of those “benefits” should certainly be not having to take any money from dad for college.
I am one of 7 , I paid for my college and my kids will too. Don’t tell me it is more expensive today. my loans equaled my first 2 years salary no small change. I lived home too. We can afford to pay and we have saved but we won’t pay for it all. The sad thing today is we make too much for the loan to be in the students name.
Two key concept that we hope will lead to successful college for our kids
– We pay for A’s and B’s and 4 years. One admission counselor at Virginia Tech told us a story about her dad that gave me this idea and my son knows we will enforce because he has seen his bill and paid on it.
– they can sign a form so you can see their grades, no signature – no tuition check. Usually when they fail it is too late but this can help with insuring you don’t get too overcommitted for a failing student.
A lot of our generation defaulted on student loans so that is a reason for changes today. .It used to be a default did not go on your credit report now they do and believe they also do not get forgiven in bankrupty too.
Colleen,
How much you make — you said you made too much– has nothing to do with a parent being required to cosign a loan. I’m not saying you are doing this, but I have a real problem with parents who are happy to push obscene amounts of debt onto their children with private loans.
Lynn O’Shaughnessy
Ms O’Shaughnessy,
I have a real problem with people like you who can’t seem to even remotely grasp that basic concept that we’re not talking about CHILDREN……..we’re talking about eighteen year olds who are legal adults. Legal adults who by definition are supposed to take responsibility for their own lives. Madam at what point do you think people ought to grow up and take care of themselves? At what point in life do you think it’s “fair” for us as a society to actually expect people to work for and earn what they desire?
In theory, I understand the value of making your children pay for their own education. My problem lies with the manipulation of the federal government (and taxpayers) to do so. Joining the military is a fine way to do so. Taking advantage of “the system” is not.
My .02 cents.
Parents should save and sacrifice to help support their children through college or some post high school training. Yes, college is too expensive but what is the alternative? Most careers such as teaching, nursing, law, medicine, finance, etc require a 4 year degree to even apply. So yes the system is broken but only time will fix it. My child can not wait for the fix therefore she will attend college. I was a single parent for many years and managed to save a little each month for her future. I have made sacrifices, found ways to cut expenses, worked extra hours, even taken side jobs over the years to be able to tuck money away.
I’ve always know she would not qualify for aid and therefore planned smart.
She has worked hard and has earned a scholarship that will about 25% of the annual cost for each of the 4 years. She has worked part time during every school year since age 14 saving some of her earnings for her future. Additionally, she has worked full time (40hours) during every summer for the last 4 years. With her earnings, She has managed to buy her car $2,500, accummulate $10,000 in her savings account, and pay for her gas, clothing, and entertainment since she was of driving age.
She has done her part. She is an honor roll student with 3.75 gpa taking honors and ap classes. She saved and earned some scholarship money. The rest I feel is up to me. I ve had 20+ years longer on this earth to save and figure things out.
Therefore, I feel it is my responsibility to pay for the balance of her college expenses and am willing to use my money to do so. Of course she will attend an in state public school of her choice. She will live in the dorm and have a required meal plan. The tuition, dorm, food, and misc. expenses that the scholarship doesn’t cover….. I willingly will. She will maintain a 3.0+ gpa, graduate on time, and work 10 hours a week on campus for spending money.
She will graduate debt free.
She will be ahead of the curve and set for life.
My sacrifices, planning, and toiling will have been worth it.
Note- I was the first to attend college in my extended family. My parents did not provide any financial support for my college education not one red cent. They could have afforded to help me in some way. They were selfish, poor planners, and bad with money. I worked full time and attended college full time 15-18 hours each semester. I live on my own, paid rent , food, and I graduated with $20k + in student loans that I paid off in my early 30’s.
I always knew that I did not want my child to have such a burden.
Parents and grandparents should feel a responsibility to help pay for college. In today’s world, a college degree and/or post high school training is a requirement for careers. Doesn’t every parent want their child to succeed, to do better than they did, to pull the family name up? My child is worth the sacrifices I’ve made and I would do it all again.
I would love to be able to pay for my son to go to college but unfortunely I cant. He received a scholarship to wrestle but it is still not enough to cover the amount it will cost each year even after taking out student loans. My son understands and has decided he is going to go into the military which was his original 1st choice so that he could save and pay for college himself and not to burden his parents. I am proud of my son for who he has become and who he will be in the future. im very nervous about him joining the military but will stand behind him whatever he chooses. He just didnt want to start off his life as an adult up to his ears in debt
Good luck to your son Cheryl!! I hope he stays safe in the military and ultimately receives a great college education when he is finished with his military obligation.
Lynn O’Shaughnessy
I’m trying to educate myself in order to try and help my 19 year old grandson navigate life a little bit. My 3 sons are all in their 30’s. The oldest started a family VERY early (16) and his life got so far off track that I fear he will never go to college…this is the father of the grandson I’m worried about. He’s 18, smart, but lazy. Sweet kid, musically talented, but I don’t think will ever work hard enough at it to make a career of it. He is the oldest of 3 children, and his mother (now divorced from my son) is pregnant, so there will be 4. Since his grades were so bad, the only option for him in terms of college at this point will be community college. His mother kicked him out of the house (her reason was valid, but that’s another conversation for another time). He is working basically a minimum wage job and sharing an apartment with 2 friends. I bought a used car for him a couple of years ago even though he didn’t have a license…he still doesn’t unfortunately, but that’s not a huge obstacle. Unfortunately though, his mother sold the car, as I had made the huge mistake of putting the car in her name. The reason I’m taking the time to explain about the car is that we live in a part of the country where a car is almost a necessity for a young person going to community college since there are no dorms, and working as well. Unless and until he is really motivated to work at it, this is all moot, but I’m hoping that I can help him reach that point…which brings me to the point of my post. My wife and I might be able to help in some small way, but there’s no way we could completely cover the cost beyond community college, and even if we could, there will be 2 younger sibling following close behind in the same situation. What I’m trying to figure out is whether he could be considered independent, (He can’t answer yes to any of the questions in your article), whether that matters (His father does not work and lives with his mother, my ex-wife, and his mother makes about $50K, has 2 other children, and is pregnant with what will be her 4th child, due this summer). Those are the reasons I wonder if it will matter if he can claim independent status as a practical matter. Bottom line, I’m trying to figure out if he can get enough financial aid without incurring crippling debt to cover the cost of education. Is being independent critical, and if the answer to that is yes, is there a legal, moral path for him to get there? If it’s not critical, what’s the best case scenario he can hope for at a state school in the DFW (Texas) area? Again, I realize community college is his only option right now, I’m assuming he can and will get past that hurdle and will be ready to go to a real school by the time he’s 20 or 21. I assume his parents will still be “deadbeats” at that point.
This is ridiculous. It is true students who are forced to open up loans, and work while in college to pay for overpriced textbooks, food, transportation, do NOT do as well as students who have help. (i live in nyc where everything is extremely expensive. Maybe this could work in Ohio or something but NOT HERE) I think its so stupid how parents would say, I suffered and graduated, now it’s time for you too should really slap themselves in the face. Students need HELP. No one ever explained to us in highschool that afterwards you are on your own if you ever want to do anything with your life. And for the students that said “oh i worked full time and graduated, and im fine” then good for you. Others need the more financial stability to be able to focus more and do the best that they can. I worked part-time majority of the junior and senior year of college, lived off loans, and still managed to graduate with summa cum luade. However, I was not happy doing so with the lack of sleep, and the lack of support that my parents could have provided, and highly dont recommend it. They did not support me 50% while in school, besides a couple of dollars here there for a metro card for me to go to class, OH and a roof over my head. WOWWW so much help thanks! And they have the AUDACITY to try to claim me for income tax which is crazy! Parents stop being pricks. this is 2013. Grow some balls and help your kids out who WANT to learn. If you have lazy kids then NO dont pay. Stop living in the 1980s when school was affordable. Save for your kids education! If you don’t want to help them, then don’t have kids!
So your parents giving you a roof over your head and a metro card are “barely supporting” you. How about you support yourself. You should be extremely grateful you had a roof over your head while going to school. Instead of bitching about it, DO SOMETHING! If you desperately need their help that badly then prove you want and deserve to go to college. Can’t afford it, save like you expect your parents to do. Get better grades in high school. Go to community college. Or join the military. There are plenty of non-combative roles in the armed forces. So this whole poor me attitude is done. You really want it? Then persistence and determination is how your going to get it. I understand circumstances always dictate our opportunities, but unless they grew up in complete poverty with absolutely no educational opportunities I have no sympathy for kids who have to pay their own way. There are plenty of options out there, but unless it’s a high class university that gives you your “stereotypical college experience” you blame your parents like a selfish, undeserving child. Grow the fuck up and quit feeling so entitled. I served four years in Marine Corp to earn my education. What have you done for yours?
Amen! I feel your pain. Been there and know it well.
When are we going to shut down the Department of Education.????
What exactly does the Department of Education have to do with what colleges charge for tuition?
When are you going to get a clue?
I was a straight A student in HS, and a recruited athlete. I was recruited by both Ivy league schools ( didn’t offer scholarship) and Div 1 offered me full ride. My mother was earning about 90K a year ( early 1980’s) and she married a man( my 2nd step Dad who made about 3/4 of a million a year.
To make a long story short, after I signed a letter of intent at a Div 1 school for a full ride, she bragged to all her friends, then told me I had to apply for FA. The reason: so she could invest the money and earn a profit off of it. Her rationale: I owed her for my room and board for the previous 17 years of my life. I applied for FA fearing being thrown out of house summer before college ( I was a 17 year old girl) . The result: based on my Mom’s 90K income I was turned down for any aid. She was furious and said. ” WHAT ? if I spent this much money on your tuition ( the univ was 8K a year) I would have NOTHING LEFT” Meanwhile, my mom was going to NYC every weekend to be fitted by the furiur , buying art, antiques, and planning a
20K Bar Mitzfah for her new husband’s son . Fast forward 3 decades: I never married, had achild on my own and work 2 jobs to put him through private school and my Mom, she is on her 5th husband and none of her kids speak to her..
Let me get this straight……….in the 1980’s you had a full ride athletic scholarship to a NCAA Division 1 school and somehow your mother insisted you apply for Financial Aid so she could pocket the money and you went along with the scam because you were 17 and “afraid of being tossed out the summer before you were to enroll?
If one were to assume that this “tale of woe” is true and that’s a huge assumption, one is forced to ask……were you both on seriously mind-altering drugs or are both of you just plain dumber than hell?
On the other hand were one to apply facts and logic…..one comes to the conclusion that your story is complete B.S.
FYI……You could’ve enrolled that summer (as many scholarship athletes do to get a jump on their acedemic studies as well as being in a position to train under the guidance and supervision of the athletic staff) and thwarted mommy’s “evil plans”.
FYI…….Your “full ride” NCAA Division 1 Athletic Scholarship (if it ever existed….and that’s pretty doubtful) would’ve paid all of your tuition, board, and fees, as well as providing you a stipend.
Do we not want our children to begin their lives out on a good financial foot. Our oldest son was helped as much as possible by us.That is not to say he didnt work for his college. Had this father been a man and helped pay, it wouldnt be much, as FAFSA projects the EFC (estimated family contribution) on how much is made and HOW MANY KIDS ARE STILL AT HOME. How many of his kids will chose not to go to college, which will put them in a WORSE financial position. My parents COULDNT help me and FAFSA paid alot but I worked hard and owe ALOT in loans. This doesnt mean that they shouldnt have helped if they could have. They wanted to but couldnt. REAL FATHERS, REAL MEN want their children to start their lives in a good financial and educational beginning. GROW UP AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE LIVES YOU MADE.
let me guess………………..from your bitter tone……………………………..you’re divorced, you’re angry your ex moved on with his life, you’ve worked hard to poison your children against their father, and I suspect you squandered the child support you received (which by the way is one-half….I.e. fifty percent…of what the kids are entitled to under family law in all fifty states) over the years and then expected your ex-husband to foot the bill for college without being given any say in where the kids went or what they studied.
Once again…..child support is only for the benefit of the children while they’re children.
Once again….college is a privilege, not a right.
Finally, I hope that someday you move past your bitterness. It’s only hurting you and your kids.
I’ve spent my time scrolling through this thread and wow, you really are a bitter piece of shit with 0 sympathy and you seem to push your own experiences on other people, so childish… I wonder how bitter you would be if you had to pay $250,000 and were unable to land a good paying job. I wonder how you would feel if due to the interest rate, you spend most of your life wallowing in debt unable to buy a house or start a family!
I didn’t pay my own way through college completely, but I paid for a lot of it myself. My parents helped, but they didn’t have a lot of money to spend on college.
I didn’t want my kids to struggle like I did. I know working the hours I did had an impact on my grades. I wanted my kids to be able to select a difficult major if that’s what they wanted, to be able to focus on their grades and go to graduate school, if that’s what they wanted. I also wanted them to be able to live on campus and enjoy campus life, clubs, extracurriculars, etc. I also did not want them to go into a lot of debt getting their undergrad degree, so that they could be more free to pick a major that they liked. My opinion is that people who want to be teachers need to take on a smaller amount of debt. People who are going to be advanced practice nurses can take on more debt. I discussed all this with my daughter before she started school, just like I did with my son.
My son, my oldest was wonderful. We sacrificed to put him through school with a relatively small amount of debt on his part. He was cooperative with us, helped by keeping his expenses reasonable and mostly kept his grades up. I was happy to write that check out to the university every semester.
My daughter, on the other hand, is headstrong and difficult to deal with, and has been that way a lot of her life. She does keep expenses down, but it is her position that she is an adult, what she does, where she goes, her grades, her life is her own business. She wants to live with her boyfriend and live her own life without parental input or interference, and not much contact.
I’m fine with her living her own adult life, but my position is that if that’s your choice, you pay for it yourself. I feel a couple in a committed, long-term relationship should be working out their finances between themselves.
Where we live, there are many opportunities for students to get a college degree and pay for it themselves. We live in a state which pays for 90% tuition if a student goes to a state university and keeps a 3.0 average. There are 3 state universities within commuting distance and also public transportation available. My daughter can pay for a college education herself without our help if that’s what she chooses.
I did everything I could to educate my children about college costs. I strongly encouraged my daughter to not take out unnecessary loans for her education, but to sit down with me, work out a budget and let us pay for what she needed. Instead, she took out loans against my objections so that she would have more spending money. She was very angry with me for not wanting her to take out loans. She says she is an adult and it is her business if she wants to take out loans.
She now wants to transfer from one of the top universities in the U.S. to a community college. That’s her decision to make, but she is in debt now out of proportion to what is reasonable for a community college graduate.
For what it’s worth, my oldest is in the PhD program, finishing his Masters degree and about to start his PhD. He says I am one of the most reasonable people he knows and not difficult to deal with.
I am tired. I’m ready to be one of those deadbeat parents and let my daughter pay for her own life herself. At this point, I think the kindest thing I could do for my daughter is just to let her go live the adult life she so badly wants to live, without parental input or interference, including financial input.
So I welcome your comments. I don’t think I’m a deadbeat parent at this point if I choose to tell my daughter to pay for the rest of her education herself. When you tell your parents you’re an adult, your life is entirely your own business, then at least don’t put your hand out and say, by the way, give me the money to live my adult life. What do you think?
Parents do not have to pay for college. They do not have to. Not sure why the title hs to say dead beet parents. Parents do not have to take care of kids much less sink money on a fraud called college
when I was young my parents refused to pay, they didn’t understand the point of a higher education. I was sent to private schools for my secondary education, but after that I was made to feel like I was a burden at home.
With my own child, I was fortunate enough to be able to fund her studies right up to the PhD
level. It is the greatest gift you can give a child, the gift of a higher education. I have seen many parents getting tired by the time their child turns 18, but it is precisely at that time that children need you the most.
Thought I’d stop on by again and see the responses. Love the passion displayed here. I have a 20 almost 21 year old daughter who I want to go to school, will pay for it, and she does not seem to have any interest or follow through. I am getting to the point where I am going to put a deadline on her parental scholarship. I do not enjoy having this hanging over my head. Every year and sometimes semester..it is, “I am going to go to this University” and then it doesn’t happen.
Someone up above mentioned that the people like myself who posted they have paid for their own college are liars. That is correct. I had a couple of grants, a small scholarship, a GI Bill, etc. I did work and raise a family at the time, but I really didn’t pay for my schooling. In fact, I made a little money from the assistance I was given.
I keep reading in the posts here that you need a college education to get a good job. That’s a bunch of malarkey. Where did this ever come from? Can it help? Sure. I know plenty of people w/out a college education that have a good job. I believe it depends more on the person. A college education doesn’t gaurantee you a job either. College is not a prerequisite for a good job.
Have some random thoughts to share..
College is not a right.
Tuition costs are out of control and outpace inflation by a large margin.
A college degree does not gaurantee a job nor does it make one entitled to anything.
A child’s wants should not come before a parent’s needs.
The FAFSA is not a fair evaluation and should be eliminated or revised.
18 year olds should not have to rely on their parents income to determine financial aid. They should be given the opportunity (without hassle) to say they are financially independent.
Parents should not be expected to pay for a childs college. It should be considered a gift if they do. Regardless of how much money they make or have made. This point urks me more than anything else discussed. Most (not all) parents will if they can. There are plenty of researched and documented issues of young adults nowadays having entitlement issues.
I can’t believe parents who fall into paying for deadbeat STUDENTS college loans. And if they do, I feel sorry for them. A college education is necessary if you want a good job. But you know what? If you can’t afford a college education then you don’t get one. It just goes on to prove how we continue over and over to buy something we can’t afford. Join the service get a real job. Go to a trade school, get a real job. The most popular complaint I hear from people that have actually graduated is that they can’t find a job!!
Every single person who says they “payed their own way through college” is a liar. Question any of these people on specifics and you will find out someone gave them money. Either the government or their family.
People like myself are screwed out of college educations the most. People who’s fathers make 70k a year and are not our biological fathers. We are adopted, or have stepfathers, or are raised by someone else. I had SATs in the top 5% and didn’t go to college. My adoptive father was a doctor and didn’t save a penny for me to go to college cause he hated kids and was forced to adopt by his wife.
If the FAFSA can’t share with everyone then they should put all of their loans and grants away!
This just another reason why this country is collapsing. Morons in charge create idiotic policies. We don’t know who they are, how they came up with these policies and you can’t do anything about it. They are our overlords. We don’t put the best and brightest at the top, we rob intelligent people like myself of the rewards of hard work, and hand the reward to someone else.
To all the people who claim we are lazy or spoiled. I bet none of you worked as hard as me in school. And not only couldn’t I get a loan or grant, but at 18 I made like 23-24k a year then the thieving piece of garbage government took around 8k out in taxes.
So thanks for calling us lazy, when I’m the guy who paid for YOUR education you freeloading deadbeat. Explain to me how college grants are different than WELFARE, that YOU received and I didn’t.
And at the end of the day I’m the guy much much smarter than you no matter how you rig this rapidly deteriorating system against people like me. And no matter all the handouts and special privileges you leeched off the government.
Reality…
You sound a little angsty. I get it. Some under acheiver is going to college on your tax dollars so you can’t. You have every right to be upset.
The good news is that if you can keep some of the angst down and keep plugging away that it will all wash out in the end.
Keep achieving, be patient, and seek ways to acheive your personal goals!! Be true to yourself.
I paid for my college education. Granted this was in the mid 80’s to mid 90’s when college was more affordable. I did NOT receive help from my family, as a matter of fact my father created additional obstacles for me. I did NOT get financial aid, grants, scholarships, etc. I went to school I bits and pieces, sometimes I had to skip a semester because I had no money.
I feel for your situation, I really do. I had been through something similar, yet actually worse myself. It is hard not to be bitter. Please keep trying, do not give up. You deserve a bright future.
REALITY,
Allow me to translate your post for the “home audience”
Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I want someone else to pay for my college.
Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh life isn’t fair
Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I have to pay taxes so that I can live in the greatest nation on earth.
What kind of cheese would you like with your whine?
Out of curiosity who are you to say that everyone who worked to pay for their college education through earning scholarships, military service, or just by plain old fashioned working is a liar?
I’m a PhD student right now, but it was a long road. I worked full time (two part time jobs) and went to school full time as an undergrad, with no parental help. I hated that I wasn’t allowed to qualify as an independent student because of my age. My mom’s income was low enough that I received some small Pell grants, but my student loans just barely covered tuition. My grades suffered and getting scholarships wasn’t an option after my first year. I barely got into a masters program, but it wasn’t a big research institution by any means, and it was hell getting into any phd program with horrible undergrad grades. By some miracle I got into a PhD program but even now, it’s really difficult for me to not to be bitter towards other students that went to amazing schools, studied abroad, and in general had so many more opportunities.
Rather than wasting your time focusing on what you didn’t get, why not focus on what blessings have come your way?
BTW…………..you’re the one who decided to choose a field where a PhD was needed and as such you’re the one who is responsible for that choice. Perhaps a course in maturity would be a good idea for you.
Here is my take on it. Why is it the parents responsibility to pay for the kids college? Why is it not the kids job to get good grades and get a scholarship. Lets see the kid is older than 18 and we are still going to baby them. This is why i am 27 and see so many people my age no nothing about life. I still see people at the age of 25 that has Mom or Dad paying for there cell phone. Really grow up people make it on your own. If the parents can afford to pay for it i’m all about it. But what i am against is that people assume parents should pay for it. Parents should make sure that they have a nice nest egg and a emergency fund. What usually happens is parents go into debt to pay kids college. Parents than years later can’t afford there home and have no retirement savings at the age of around 55. Than they have to go to there kids for help or end up working till they die. I have seen this time after time. It is sad to see that parents need to be parents and teach there kids how to love them selfs first than teach them about money and how working hard while you are young and saving will get you far in life.
The response to this article is tremendous! I see it’s a very heated topic. I, myself, am a single mother who had rasied my son without any child support or alimony or anything else other than my own job. I often worked two jobs. I was proud that I was able to purchase a small condo for myself and my son by giving up my entire 401K to do so. Now he is approaching college age. I KNOW from what I have read and heard that this kids who get college paid for by Mommy & Daddy do not put in as much effort and sweat and tears and sacrifice as those kids who work hard and SAVE UP for college. They don’t understand the meaning of money. They party, drink, goof off, sleep in, fail classes. And the parents are stuck paying back the loans they co-signed. I may have a decent job now, with an average salary, but the FAFSA people only see that. I do NOT see the years I have been paying back $30,000 worth of lawyer debt (custody issue). There is no place to put down that unusual circumstance on the FAFSA form. I hae no savings of any kind. Not out of my own selfishness or fancy vacations or expensive electronics – NO – for debt I had to pay (or have our house taken away).
What about those parents who lost a job and lived on Unemployment for over a year, using up all her savings? What about medical bills? There are reasons why people have no savings that have nothing to do with being selfish.
I have nothing for retirement. Almost nothing. I am at the age where if I don’t start saving right NOW I will have to survive on nothing by social security and work part time somewhere, just to survive. Forget vacations and enjoying my retirement years. I may not have enough to pay medical bills and the rest of my mortgage or buy food.
To expect me at this point to pay my son’s college loans….impossible. I cannot do it. I’m almost done paying the lawyer debt, and will soon start saving for retirement. I’m running out of time. This was NOT my fault. My son will have to realize that he needs to save as much as he can by working and go to a community college part time until he reaches age 24 so he can file for Independent status and obtain loans.
Paying these loans himself will make him sure to not flunk out of his classes and goof off and sleep in late and party all night instead of studying. After he graduates college, he may have to work two jobs, just like I did. Acually, I worked 3 jobs to pay off my loans. It was NOT easy. It made me appreciate school so so so much more. My parents did not give me one dime.
College is so out of control expensive right now, It’s unbelievable.
How do employers expect to hire educated, qualified employees if no one can afford to go to college? Should all the parents give up any hope of retirement savings to instead send their kids to college?
First of all, $130,000 per year in income means nothing! The problem with the FASFA is that the income means nothing when the expenses are high! Ok, $130k sounds like a good salary, but everything ends up being relative. In this case- there is no place to explain expenses, and I’m not talking about spa treatments or huge mortgage payments!
Shame on all of these judgmental people such as the author of the blog to say what parents should or shouldn’t do with their own money!
As parents, we are not continual money machines to our kids. We have spent SO much money raising our children and providing a loving environment for them to grow and flourish in, but there has to be some sort of limit here!
Have you looked at tuition rates??? I am very offended by this general statement that you are putting out to parents that unless you pay for college, you are deadbeat parents!
Yes, it is a good idea to save for college, but don’t forget that life is not always neatly packaged this way. What about good, hard-working parents like us that have worked our buns off to provide and have a good life for our family!
Don’t forget that these parents that you are talking to are the parents that more than likely had to put themselves through school!! I know that by the time my husband and I finally graduated and paid off our loans we were raising a family and TRYING to save for the children’s college dreams.
Society bombards parents with demands – take your children on vacation; get them involved in sports, get them involved in music…. etc etc which I happen to agree with; however, that costs money and time!
I found that I had to take off long periods of time due to illnesses in the f
family …. then I found that I had to retire early on disability… what about that???
I have put out $31,000 for my son to attend a university and I find out that he is failing his first semester…. he was in the gifted program in school and has always been very bright, but he doesn’t seem to get the “knack” of studying. This was NOT due to our parenting methods- we are very hard workers and have raised him in a very good home with good morals and values! We have another child who is doing extremely well and is very grateful. It is just our son’s personality and stubbornness that seems to hold him back- I have come to realize this after many years of trying to be understanding; trying not to spoil him; paying thousands upon thousands of dollars hiring private tutors, getting him analyzed for learning disabilities, etc….
My son doesn’t seem to care that we are spending our VERY HARD EARNED money on him and why is this???? It is because people like yourself stand on a pedestal and point down at parents and say that they should pa