Deadbeat Parents Who Won’t Help Pay for College

This thread looks dead but I’m feeling *compelled* to respond since there’s so many deadbeat parents up in here.

I’m completely mystified by the unwillingness to put your children at an advantage if you have the means. Working through college means that the student forcibly forgoes essential parts of the college experience: meeting with professors during office hours, participating in student organizations, conducting independent research, going above and beyond in class. I’m wondering what deadbeat parents imagine their child’s workweek looks like from semester to semester. Do they anticipate that a mere fifteen hours working at Starbucks is sufficient? When even full time service workers can barely afford rent let alone the astronomical costs of higher education?

My parents sat me down at the beginning of my senior year in high school (this was in 2006 — you know what happens next) to tell me that they had set aside all of $10,000 for me for college. I had set aside myself some $7000 working for my dad throughout high school and then at a pharmacy my senior year. After my first semester, I was in serious need of financial aid, so I asked my parents to fill out the fafsa. They initially refused, saying that it was a privacy concern. They finally did so, but refused to show me or talk to me about what they could afford in assistance, since they did not actually intend on assisting me. I can’t say for certain what their finances looked like, but I know at the very least that their wealth disqualified me from any of the grants. All that I was eligible for were loans, which at age 32 I am still paying back.

So I worked all through undergrad and graduate school, typically 25-hour weeks. I would wake up at 5:30 am to open the coffee shop by 7, work until noon, and then head to campus, where I would struggle to stay awake during class. I would fit in essay writing late at night or would skip classes. It was rare that I was able to meet professors outside of class, and for that reason, I think they also assumed that I wasn’t taking the class as seriously as the more available students. I managed a 3.8 GPA and was awarded a 10k scholarship at one point, and was also awarded a partial scholarship for graduate school — but really the damage was done. I hadn’t had enough time with my studies, with my professors, and with my cohorts, to really make use of the system.

I think that deadbeat parents lived in this fantasy world where it was enough to show up and they could look forward to advancement. The reality is that competition for scholarships, job opportunities, work studies, internships, etc., is so cut-throat, that unless the student has their parents behind them (and their parents happen to be rather wealthy), the pressure to perform coupled with the financial stress is so overwhelming and often impossible to swim against. I don’t see any benefit to having had to work during my studies at all. All I see looking back is a lot of missed opportunities, some depression, a lot of fatigue. And this bizarre resume in which I lived this parallel life: on the one side, barista, then bartender, then wine buyer and on the other dual English Lit and French language major, then a masters in translation, and then literary agent. I’ve stretched myself thin and excelled at nothing. I’m still paying back loans, all with stupid interest rates, which means there’s no chance that I’ll be buying a house unless I leave the country (which is a serious consideration).

All I know is that I would never put my child through that. It is mind-boggling, mystifying to me, that parents would burden their children with this cost. Or at the very least, not do their best to help. I sat in an Uber once and almost started crying when the driver told me that he is driving to help his son with tuition — it was so utterly foreign to my experience. It has since made it very hard for me to turn to my parents in times of need. For them to have washed their hands of me during a period that was so difficult and so intense, and with this almost airy delusion that they were doing what was best for me, and feeling righteous in denying what to me seems to be something that a parent should *want* to provide for their child: a leg up on a future.

My parents make a combined $300,000+Bonus per year and absolutely refuse to put any money toward anything for their 3 kids. They live in a swanky nyc apartment, own a new bmw and lexus, and travel first-class at least once per month and internationally at least twice per year. I’m also aware of $700,000 that they have in stocks. Not only do they refuse to help financially, they refused to let any of us become independents. Apparently, the “tax break” they get every year by claiming my siblings is $10,000 per child. The icing on the cake is FAFSA not awarding us any financial aid. The estimated family contribution calculated by FAFSA for my sister ONLY, was $60,000 for the 2019 school year.

Both of their parents paid their college tuition, so they’ve never had student loans. They say that there’s no way to be successful and develop a good work ethic without struggling. (But they never did????)

My sister in is a full time student in Los Angeles, and works 60 hour weeks to pay her $5000 per month tuition bill, car note and car insurance. It’s absolutely killing her.

She was evacuated due to the wildfires in CA. She walked out of her dorm to everything on campus on fire. (The pictures and videos gave me chills.) By herself, she had to grab only what she could carry and RUN to her car – She barely made it. Upon arrival back to her dorm days later, the entire floor had been robbed. Did my parents offer to fly out to be with her? Did my parents offer to get her a hotel room for the night? Did my parents call the school? Did my parents say “Honey, are you okay?” The answer is no. They did not show one ounce of interest. And when my sister asked for gas money to drive a couple hours away to get to safety? They gave her a lecture on how she’s irresponsible. After a fucking wildfire. After having her dorm robbed. After stiffing her with a $5000 per month tuition bill. They didn’t give her a dime. And this is one of dozens of stories.

The stress of being financially independent from 18 caused me to drop out of college at 20 – I’m finally 25 and can apply to FAFSA without my parent’s information. 5 years later.

In this situation, both of our parents are selfish, controlling, narcissistic sociopaths who should’ve never been allowed to have children. They use money as a means to control.

Also, there is no entitlement here. All of us worked from the time we were 16. We’ve always paid for our own clothes, shoes, food, gas, etc. We aren’t crazy party animals, we’re not alcoholics or drug addicts, and we volunteer in the community.

I look forward to putting them in a nursing home.

The costs of the “American Dream” have become so inflated that it leads many to question if they are worth it at all. Massive increases in College expenses and home prices have left many to beg the question: “Why not just buy my kid a house instead?”.

For the longest time, I deified parents–mostly because mine are just about the most important things in my life. Yes, I said “things” because my parents are not only two of the most important people in my life, but two of the things in life I’m willing to die for. That said, of late I’ve had to reevaluate my position on parents in general. I used to think children OWED our parents everything–they gave us life and provided for us while we grew up. But I can no longer support this view since no child asks to be born AND life is very competitive and even very painful for many. It’s not good enough to be a “good person.” You have to have the right credentials, look the right way, have the right personality, support the right things… And you need money in a world that is increasingly capitalistic.

So life is very hard for a lot of people, yet still, having already experienced a lot of how hard life is, parents decide to create new beings … to experience life’s many, many difficulties. What stuns me as I am now part of the working world is how many parents can barely care for themselves but then have children they can’t afford to support adequately, let alone provide opportunities to give those children advantages in increasingly competitive life. This strikes me as very irresponsible.

But to call parents who won’t or who can’t afford the exploding costs of “higher education” is hypocritical. A deadbeat is someone who won’t fulfill their obligations (especially financial). But if parents have a financial obligation for something, that something ought to be in the reach of nearly every parent. Educational costs are no longer within the reach of most hard-working families. You shouldn’t need tens of thousands of dollars for an education. It ought to be something you can get working part-time for a few years AND it ought to be very pertinent to the job market–with validated statistics per institution (number of students graduating within X-years, percent employed within Y-months after graduation…). But US education is a big business. Capitalism. It’s about maximizing profits–even in non-profit institutions (many churches, hospitals…). Education has become unaffordable, and government intervention–subsidies…–has only driven up the cost of education because schools feel justified in raising tuition and fees to suck up more government provided tax-payer dollars (subsidies…).

So if we insist on a college degree (and beyond) being a requirement, and we won’t incentivize universities to drastically lower tuition, then it’s hypocritical to on the one hand encourage poor (or even middle class) families to have children they can’t afford while on the other hand berating them for … not affording the requisite but expensive college degrees for their children.

And let’s not pretend we’re not all aware that a college degree is becoming as common (and arguably un[der]valued) as a high school diploma once was once everyone had those. So more and more people will have to pursue more expensive education. Studies and government reports already show that masters degrees are becoming nearly as common as bachelors degrees. And once most of us have masters degrees, we’ll need one, two, three… PhD’s just to SEEM competitive. I guess in the future parents will be considered deadbeats for not financing each of their children’s five university degrees.

Having dual citizenship (European & US) and having studied in the US and abroad, I think the solution lies at least in part in bringing back high-skilled trade apprenticeships that are PAID so people can survive WHILE mastering industry-needed skills AND have an authentic financial future without going into debt. And utilizing effective online learning to create a people’s online university for hundreds instead of tens of thousands of dollars. The technology is robust enough now and there are already many terrific working examples.

You shouldn’t need a five-or-six-figure fancy degree to get a good job. And parents shouldn’t have to bankrupt their own future to pay for children’s post-secondary education. After all, many (most?) of us young people won’t be caring for our elderly parents anyway.

Deadbeat parents? “Of course, if that happened taxpayers like us would be footing the bill for deadbeat parents, who want others to pay for their children’s college degree.”

Does this mean that those with lower incomes seeking taxpayer dollars to foot the bill for their children’s education are also ‘deadbeat parents’???

The federal student aid program is just another way to tax. Some people get something for free, others subsidize by paying out of pocket. I’m personally in the unenviable position of only attaining the “high income” I earn now as my children enter college. Of course for the first 17 years of my oldest’s life, I made about half the income I do now and had only managed to save around $7000 for the two of them. In fact, we only just finished paying off my wife’s student loans before having to take on new debt for our two children. It amounts to around $46,000 a year that I have to pay and others don’t. I guess we are breathing more air, drinking more water, demanding more military protection, and just generally using more government services than those make less than $60,000 a year …. or maybe I have it backwards, you tell me.

Our government is a joke. The Department of Education is an especially sad joke.

I truely dont know about all this, but i do know that my daughter used my income($15,000 a yr) for her start. She then applied for several grants(Hope, and another one, i cant remember) and worked part time at a fast food chain. She was able to go to 4 yrs of college(Radiology Technican) with the grants and the part time job helped with gas. As a parent, i was not put through college by my parents and i felt it was a good learning experience for my daughter.

You have got to be kidding me! I tell ya what, when my husband and I get done paying OUR student loans and finish saving for OUR retirement, which by the way you can’t get a loan for, then maybe we will help our child. Our child whose degree would cost close to $200,000 at her chosen schools. Our kids have know from early elementary school that they should plan on paying for all their own schooling. They all knew/know that they will need lots of scholarships and will have to work hard. Our oldest is just now finding out there is no SANTA paying for college and she’s none to happy. Sorry, suck it up kids. I’m not asking for tax payers to pay, I’m telling my kid to pay! Good God what is wrong with you! SMH.

I worked in Financial Aid for over 5 years and it was heartbreaking when a young kid couldn’t qualify for anything simply because the parents refused to even sign the form. That is the real rub. Parents can be deadbeats in this way by refusing to help the kid complete the form. Then what does the kid do? All of these comments say that kids should work their way through, but without a completed FAFSA, you can’t even take out the student loans that a dependent student is allowed (which is a lot lower than independent students, as parents are expected to take out the parent PLUS loan). On top of all of that, some of these kids escaped abusive households and we are asking them to walk back up to their abusers and ask for help?? Unless there is documentation supporting an abusive household, it is extremely hard to get a waiver for independent status. And I believe that you had to be emancipated before a certain age for that to count.
I’m not saying that parents should pay everything, but I see an awful lot of people having more kids than thto pay for a college education that costs a lt more than it did when they “worked themselves through college.” In addition, housing and living expenses have sky-rocketed while the minimum wage jobs they could get are not even going to allow them to survive on their own, let alone pay tuition!

“Are you at least 24 years old?” This gives me a knot in my stomach and fills me with rage. It is a booted foot on the neck of kids who grew up in abusive households. Because I went to college so very long ago, I was able to move out and declare myself an independent student and complete a four year degree against my father’s wishes. He and his church do not believe women should go to college.

Now, a young person in a situation similar would be blocked from getting the aid necessary to complete a degree. Even a less violent parent could exercise inappropriate control by merely threatening to withhold support before an adult child pursuing a degree is 24 years old. I suppose we have bean counters and parents like Dan to thank for this abysmal situation.

Meanwhile, thousands of young people are going to college in Europe with very little out-of-pocket cost. The exorbitant cost of college makes America less and less competitive with the rest of the world. As long as we view any investment into our own people and our own nation as “socialism,” we may as well get used to a rocky economy.

I’m 40 and married and my wife makes about 300k a year. We maintain separate finances as we married later in life. When it came to applying for financial aid, I have to include her income even though I don’t directly benefit from it. What I’m learning is that due to her income, regardless of whether its available to me, prevents me from getting any financial aid whatsoever. But they’ll let me take out loans, which I cannot afford.

So I’ve decided, unilaterally, to divorce so that I may return to school. Obviously, I’ll need to talk to an attorney, but does anyone know of any pitfalls on the financial aid side of this? I understand all the other aspects, taxes, health insurance etc.

Thanks

This post is a tad presumptuous. You seriously believe parents are deadbeats if they don’t pay for their kids education? You are so spoiled. Ruined for life with the way your brain is wired.

I grew up in a poor house. My father made great money, but had 9 children in total to support so they made sure we had a roof over our heads, and some food in our bellies and some toys to play with.

Our educations were not paid for. I put myself through college by myself, got grants easily enough. Paid for all my books, rent, food etc and now have a well paying job. With more respect for hard work and money than I had before.

I am now a mother of a 15 month old son. I have started an education fund for him, but I most certainly will not be paying for everything for him. Having to work hard for your position in life builds a good character and an appreciation for the education and money it took to get through it all.

I’ve seen so many people having their way paid, and they failed their courses miserably because as they put it “mom and dad will just pay for me next year”.

I find it really pathetic you think everything should just be given to you.

Ha! I was removed from my deadbeat parent’s house at age 13, placed in state schools and a self-supporting independent minor at 17. Guess what? No school I ever applied to would consider me an independent student because my father claimed me on his taxes until I was 21. I was awarded independent student status at age 25 and still couldn’t go because the school thought my parents (and grandparents!) should chip in thousands. The upshot was that I wasn’t able to finish my BA until I was 32. Deadbeat parents, you’re nothing but crooks and your children are suffering for it. Worse, they’re learning to be just like you.

I see a LOT of folks who rant and rave about “entitlement” and cry baby kids who need to pay their own way through school. Are you people completely delusional, because if you are reading this article then you have access to the internet so you should easily be able to find out THIS:
http://www.thewire.com/national/2011/08/chart-college-tuition-will-not-stop-rising/41325/#disqus_thread

College tuition has risen over 13 fold in the past 30 years. Most of that in the last 10 years.

Meanwhile, minimum wage ( and other low wage jobs ), you know the kind that a kid without a degree can get to help them pay for college? Yeah those. The earning power of those wages has declined like a ski jumper at the Olympics.

You folks are so busy being self-righteous and “wise” that you can’t do simple math.

YOU COULD NOT MAKE IT THROUGH SCHOOL ON YOUR OWN TODAY IF YOU HAD THREE SCHOLARSHIPS.

Now STFU and STFD while the rest of us logical adults figure out some solutions for this VERY REAL PROBLEM.

Have a nice day.

While reading these posts, I’ve never seen so many “spoiled free-entitlement liberal brats” in my life. We can all thank our dictator in the white house who stood up and said, “You didn’t earn that” or “You weren’t responsible for being successful.” Morons like him encourage free hand-outs to those who aren’t willing to get off their lazy asses and make something happen for themselves. To them, the world “OWES” them something.

What has happened to the work ethic in this country and what are we teaching our children? I will agree that when my wife and I went to college in the 1980’s, it was much cheaper than it is now. We are doing our best to help our two children any way we can, but they will need to have jobs on the side – especially during Christmas break and summer. They will have to maintain a decent grade point average or the financial help from Mom and Dad stops.

I am proud of both of my children because they’ve maintained academic standards of a 3.5 GPA and above and they’ve busted their back-sides – taking AP classes and being part of school activities. It bothers me that our government allows illegals to come into this country, get everything they want and the rest of us flip the bill.

If you want to be successful, you need to hit the floor running and make it happen. The world owes you nothing.

To all the parents claiming that students should pay their own way, cut the crap. You either didn’t have supportive parents growing up, you didn’t get a chance to go to any school other than some shit local college for which you grew up next to, or you work some shitty job with 0 fulfillment. Sound familiar?

First of all, school isn’t “job training.” Thats the absolute dumbest thing I have ever heard and it proves that whoever says such a thing went to a shitty school — if they went at all. Research universities are about conducting research relevent for benifiting humanity in its entirety. Perhaps you don’t know what the fuck you are talking about and if thats the case, perhaps you should keep your mouths shut.

Perhaps your money would be better spent educating your children so that they can become better than you — because that’s what will happen at great schools.

Some crap xxx state university or community college won’t even begin to foster the life altering ways of thought offered at schools like Berkely, Stanford, Michigan, HYPM, UCLA, Various liberal arts college’s… for god’s sake most of the adults whinning about creating opportunity for their children have never even begun to experiance what great education is. It’s a god damn fucking shame –> No one has to go through a shitty life in order to be considered an “adult.” Spare us millenials the utterly complete bullshit. It’s a damn shame you will end up subjecting your kids to the same shitty life you probably lead because your parents didn’t pay for your education.

If you didn’t like what I said you can fuck off, because whether you like it or not we are the next generation. I’m tired of listening to uneducated parents go on and on about ridiculous and cometely dumb bullshit.

Watch as those lucky enough to have supportive parents rise to the top while your children will becone the next in poverty. Coincidence? I’ll let you all decide when your old and your kids can’t afford a nice nursing home for your pathetic asses.

Disregard any spelling mistakes, my parents don’t want to give me a good education, so I guess I can’t blame them. Oh well.

Lynn,

I have a real problem with selfish, immature and self-entitled kids who even though are eighteen and want no one “telling them what to do”, continue to hold on to this strange “Peter Pan” world view where they never have to grow up, never have to take responsibility for their own lives, never have to held be accountable for their own decisions, and never have to take care of themselves because somehow mommy and daddy are still supposed to take care of them.

From a post above “I never got to live in a dorm or take part in real college life”. College is for learning not “college life” which I assume means partying it up. That statement alone shows why parents should not have to pay for college for spoiled brats like the one who wrote that. You went to a community college got a degree, move on and quit whining.

I’m sorry that many think this guy is a deadbeat but I disagree. There are always way to obtain loans, get grants and these are actually tax dollars parents pay in. Colleges should lower their fee’s if it’s such a big deal to go to college.
Why not try a tech school or do something else that doesn’t require a high prices school that will not guarantee you a job anyway.
I see way to much of the hand outs to these kids that do not even think anything of it. Are not grateful or even considerate of their parents. I went to pick up my husbands son from college because he had no money for gas. Then he tells the story about how he and his buds were racing around somewhere the other night. Uhm really? Not one of his friends had a job, their cars are bought for them, their clothing, and the apartment they live in all my mom and pop. It sickens me to see this as we are raising a group of adults who take things for granted instead of being grateful.

I’m sorry if you think Parents should foot the bill but I save every penny for 4 years to buy a car and go to school. I had a job all the time not just summers. When I graduated from college I had to pay back less than 2000. there are jobs out there you have to look and you might get dirty but it makes you feel good knowing you did it on your own. A feeling most young adults have no idea about.

We had the unfortunate experience of taking out a student loans in the amount of 35,000 dollars. Our son who is now 22 failed or dropped 14 classes and barely passed the others. After 3 years in college he lost his football scholarship due to low grades and probably all the drinking and partying.

Right now he wants us to pay for college but we do not qualify due to our credit and current financial situation. He only cares about himself and he just wants to go back to school to play football. He does not help around the house, no chores, no yard work. Nothing!!
He has a parade of girls coming in and staying overnight plus drinking non-stop. I put a stop to it and told him that he needs to get a job and pay for his own school. He has taken out other student loans and he’s getting calls to repay loan.

He worked all year last year and this summer. He did not save a dime and right now has no money at all. We had to drive him to and from work.
My husband and i have younger kids 14 -18 years who we have to support and help out with college expense. He had his opportunity to be successful and he blew it??

College is just a trap so you go so far in debt that you will never pay it off. Seriously, $3750 for an MS Excel class. Then they put a debt collector on you, calling from 6 am to Midnight every day, every 30 minutes while trying to complete a paper. Kaplan University did the deny, deny, when it was clear their only agenda was to get as many Fed Student loans as possible, harass students, and do their best to prevent graduation!

I know all of these replys are coming from parents, frustrated upset parents. But I assure you all that not all of us are spoiled brats. My dad makes over 100K a year. Far too much for me to apply for financial aid. For various reason I’m not going to get into and not for lack of trying my GPA wasn’t the best. But I still dream of going to college. After graduating high school I went to my local community college to try and earn my associates. My parents refused to help me pay for my classes for various reasons. So I took out a loan for half of them and paid for the rest on my own from my job. 2500$ later and I’d only taken four classes. I couldn’t keep doing this. 40 hours a week and every paycheck every last penny went to my savings which then paid for my classes. On top of that I had to pay for gas, loan payments and food. Not to mention work clothes. I cant keep going this. I dont make enough, I dont apply for financial aid and I dont get any help from home. And I will not dig myself so deep into dept that I cant crawl out of it. So what do I do? Quit. I haven’t found that answer yet. I wont reduce myself to excuses while I have plenty but this situation is unfortunate and its sad there isn’t help for earnest kids who just want to get a degree. So before you go judging and saying how spoiled and bratty kids are try and remember were not all that way. Some of us just want a chance to work hard.

For the record, you have missed one other way to qualify as an independent. It often requires contacting your school of choice, and they will act as a liaison between yourself and the department of education. If it has been determined that you suffered physical or sexual abuse or undue hardship (extreme neglect and emotional/psychological abuse) and as such are living on your own, you can register as independent. This often requires paperwork signed by counselors, social workers, psychologists, and or psychiatrists, as well as a written and signed document by a family member or close family friend. I have a friend who had to do this after he was beaten, and was then living in his car for a year (walmart and kmart parking lots are surprisingly accommodating). He had to produce a hospital bill (for his broken arm), and have forms filled out by his social worker, counselor, and his aunt. It was a lengthy process (4 months), but it did go through and he was able to get the grants and loans he needed for his education. I just wanted to add this because there are some parents who do refuse to pay for ones education, and who are a very real physical threat to their own children. While the process is lengthy, it is still possible for those individuals to rise out of these situations and receive a quality education.

From what I have observed over my many years in education, foster care, and as a parent of 4 children; I have found that when a child earns something for themselves, they will appreciate it and care for it. Children that are given too much, expect to be taken care of forever and tend to blame others for their problems or mistakes. Granted, there are always exceptions. This is a major problem with our society, particularly our young men. They are all about playing games, pleasing themselves, and leaving responsibility to others. They are always willing to play, but never want to pay. Parents should not be responsible for their adult children’s education (beyond high school), their health insurance, etc. It should be an option, but not expected. They shouldn’t expect the government to pay for it, either.

Being declared an independent student should be automatic at 18, dependency is what should need to be proven. As usual, the government has it all backwards. Stop and think about the times you have said or thought this statement with your kids… “This is my house, my rules.” or a similar statement. Well, that is what the government does and the more dependent we are, more power is transferred to the government. My son who lives on his own, works for himself, and pays his own bills has no accountability to me. My son who lives in my house and asks for my money (car, etc.) has to accept my rules and live up to my expectations in order to continue to remain in my care. “If you want the government to control your lives, they will.”

Some of the comment by parents are ridiculous. My sister and I are both independent college students, she works full time while I work part time in the midst of looking for a second job. Life as of now is a bit complicated. We pay rent, braces, Verizon bill, food, phone bills, heat/gas. She also pays her car insurance and etc. And since I can only get up to 28 per week I use every paycheck on these expenses aforesaid. I’m left with NOTHING at the end of the month even though we split everything in 2. And now I’m stressing on how I will be able to pay for a university when I’m done with community college. What I don’t understand is why people have kids and don’t save money for their college, there is Gerber life plans, trust funds, many ways to save from the day your child is born. If your child worked hard in school that’s all that should matter. I’m not saying spoil them but its the method of work hard play hard that isn’t being taught. -excuse my sentence structures- -_-

For starters, I agree with Vanessa 100%. When you decide to have a child of your own, you should be prepared to pay at least some portion of their college, period. If you do not want to help your child with college financial expenses, don’t have a baby! It’s as simple as that. Your children did not ask for you to have them, you decided that; therefore, you are responsible to make their life as easy as possible whether you like it or not. Again, I am not saying that you should pay their entire way through college, but the least you could do as a parent is HELP. Oh, and for those of you who believe that your children should pay their own way through college because you did when you were younger, read this: you are incredibly ignorant. Just so you know, college is much, much more expensive than it was forty years ago. The average twenty-year-old cannot pay his own way through college without help from his parents. For example, the tuition for NYU (New York University) is about $40,878 per year. The current federal minimum wage is about $7.25 per hour; therefore, a full-time minimum wage employee earns about $15,080 annually. If you do the math, you will find that it would take over two and a half years for this full-time minimum wage employee to pay for a single year of college on his own; and, again, that is just for one year’s tuition! What about the other expenses? If your child had to pay all of that on his own, it would send him straight into a lifetime of debt depending on the college/university; which would eventually affect his own family! To me, it makes you deadbeats look rather selfish, knowing that your child and his family will struggle when you are gone because you were too naïve to help. Jeez, like Vanessa said, no wonder why this world is so messed up… So, with that said, I am proud to say that my parents are not deadbeats like some of you are. The both of them, along with my aunt, helped me get through my first two years of a university financially. While they did that, I got a chance to save up over the years and now I have more than enough to pay off the remaining two years that I will be taking at an out-of-state university; along with other expenses, of course. Additionally, I’ll have extra cash so I’ll be able to have my very own, special dorm all to myself. Overall, I will spend A LOT of my own savings (I’ve been saving since high school) toward these final two years of mine. Every time I see my parents I thank them for all that they have done and in turn they always tell me: “Just knowing that you will be successful and you and your family will have an easier, more stable life than we did tells us that we, as parents, have done our job. It’s the best thing a parent could ever ask for, so it’s enough for us.” Or something along those lines. That, people, is what I consider to be truly good, caring parents! Also, after reading some of these comments, I have come to the conclusion that some of you are not deadbeats, just pathetic deadbeats. Good luck. 🙂

I personally cannot afford the out of pocket expense upfront to a university but my son insisted on going. I knew he couldn’t afford it so I did what I thought at the time was the right thing to do & I got a parent loan to pay his expenses. He got the standard Stafford Loan. The first semester he dropped one class and failed a class…finished with 9 hrs and was on acedemic probation. The next semester he dropped a class and finished with 9 hrs but GPA was above 2.0 and he came off probation. I gave him money ($350 a month), his rent was paid with my loan and his dad gave him $250 a month. He had no expenses as his dad provided him with a car & insurance. He always asked for more money. He would often put gilt trip on me to get me to send him more by saying he was hungry. He is several hours away from home & I can’t just go by him groceries so I would comply & wire money to him. He always had an excuse as to what he spent his money on. The second year, I was not approved for the parent loan due to a medical bill that suddenly showed up on my credit. It was a bill for a surgery for him 2 years before that was supposed to go to his father & I had never seen the bill nor had I heard from anyone regarding it. Upon further investigation (I had NEVER been turned down for any credit & I pay my debts) I discovered that the hospital had made an error and did send the bill to my ex but they sent to his address with my name on it. Instead of paying the measly $400 or contacting me about it, he trashed it because it wasn’t his. When my son found out I couldn’t get the loan and his dad refused to help anymore he went up to the school & was approved another loan. This loan was not quite enough for all expenses so I agreed that I would pay his rent along with the $350 but that was my absolute limit that I could afford. His rent was $750 a month meaning I was spending $1100 a month. I advised my son that if he needed more than I was sending, he should consider getting a job to help fund his way through school. That semester he claimed he was going to do so much better and focus. He took 15 hrs but dropped 2 classes and finished with 9. The next semester, he took 12 hrs…dropped 2 classes right off the bat leaving only 6 hrs/2 classes and he failed both of those. His GPA dropped below 2.0 again and since he did not pass one class that he received financial aid for, he was now on Financial Aid Suspension. His only way to go back to school was to take a summer class, pass it & he could get financial aid again. I told him that he had not shown me any reason to believe that he wanted an education. I felt he was there for the party but not for the class and I refused to pay for his summer class or his rent for the summer. He works in sales and often makes $1000 week paycheck. The class was $1000. My therory…if you want it bad enough, make it happen. He applied for an emergency loan from the school for the tuition and signed up for class. The course was only 5 weeks long but my son managed to miss more than 1/2 the classes and seemed to have NO IDEA when the final would be…YEP, he failed the class. He layed out last semester and just worked. I felt for sure he was finally growing up. A couple of weeks ago he decided he really wanted to go back to school & claimed he was ready this time. I am still not convinced but he made an appeal (he is an awesome salesman) to the school and won so he is back in. I’m sorry but after all I have spent that I honestly felt was just thrown into never never land and the previous lack of ambition to not only miss class but fail to apply himself and finish has me on edge. He told me after the summer class when he knew he had failed that he thought perhaps college just wasn’t for him and he would just work and try to figure out what he wanted to do with his life. I have not paid his rent since June of last year but have given him money on occasion. He has been working and paying his own way. Now he wants me to pay his rent again and go back to the way things were before. I work hard for my money and have never up to this point spent it on me. I have recently (since he was no longer in school) created a little debt on some things that I have always wanted and don’t have the extra anymore for his rent. He is upset and tells me that I am a not being a good parent for not supporting him. It’s not that I don’t support him…I am just not getting any younger and would like to enjoy some of what I earned myself. He says that is being selfish. I feel like he had the opportunity with all the help and blew it. If he wants this bad enough (I will offer tons of moral support) he will figure out a way to make it happen and perhaps he may appreciate it and work harder towards it. Just my opinion. I certainly would not consider myself a deadbeat parent.

Here is my take on FASFA:

If you can’t afford to pay back the financial aide – DON’T APPLY FOR IT.
It’s really not a hard concept to grasp. It’s NOT REALLY AIDE.
I have yet to hear of a college that won’t accept cash for education.

Some people hear AIDE and they think instant help: just add SS#. If you can’t afford to go, don’t.
I can’t afford to drive a Mercedes – so I don’t. I like them and it would be nice to have, but the payment would kill me.
There is no law that says right out of high school you MUST go to college or you are going to die.
If your excuse is”Well, if they don’t go right out of school, they may lose the will to learn”
Listen, if they lose the will to learn after a year or so the will to learn was never there to begin with.
“They might end up in trouble and get side tracked”
Gee, I wonder what their upbringing says about that.

WAKE UP! I think so called “DEADBEAT” was/is a “SMART BEAT”

Heres A question. Do you keep giving them money to pay for college if they get married? My Step daughter just started college and didnt even make it 2 weeks when she announced she is engaged and wants to get married in 3 months. Now we are not thrilled with the situation at all but she old enough to do what she pleases now. Is it right for us to close Daddies wallet and let her and the new hubby pay the tuition?

I was raised in a family that told their kids, “When you are 18, you have to get a job and move out.” There was no mention of college. In fact, my own father told me when I expressed an interest in college when I was a freshman in high school, “What?!!! Who do you think you are? You are not a rich kid, nor are you smart enough to go to college. NO!!! You are going to get a job you probably will not like, move out of the house, and/or get married, have kids and take care of your husband.” When I was fresh out of high school, working and living on my own, I enrolled in a trade school. Only I found out my parents were claiming me as their dependent on their taxes. This was a LIE as I was not living with them and they certainly were not paying any of my bills. Because of their LIE, I was refused any grant money due to their combined income levels.

My paternal grandparents lost a small savings in 1929 when the stock market crashed and the banks failed. From that time on, everything they made, they saved in their hall closet due to the fear of losing their money again. When I was a child in the early 1970s, my aunt discovered that they had about $1 million in cash locked up in a hall closet. At that time she insisted she take over their bookkeeping, banking and investing. They told her to put “$30K in Santa Barbara savings accounts for each grandchild for college.” After they died, those accounts according to my aunt “never existed.” Only problem is, my grandfather showed them to me. There were six passbook accounts. Two to her sons and four to my brother, sisters and myself. To this day she has never allowed my father or her sister to see their records. She threw a tantrum and has cut herself off from the family completely. I have a BA which cost me $32,000. That could have really helped. Not to mention a trade school I had gone to earlier that cost me as well. A student loan I had paid off little by little by myself. Oddly, with my uncle’s low paying blue collar job, they always had money to remodel their home, landscape often, take really nice vacations, dress impeccably, and drive a new car every year. She made fun of the fact we were not like them. I can only assume she liquidated all the accounts. Including her kids as they have financially struggled. When I think of my aunt, a scripture comes to my mind, “The love of money is the root of all evil.”

My cousin and her husband on my maternal side are multimillionaires. After both of their sons moved out of their house at 18 as instructed, they bought land in a gated community, on a golf course and built a two bedroom 5,000 square foot home. All the while their sons worked jobs, took out student loans, applied for scholarships (money that could have gone to kids with broke parents) and paid their own bills. Which they did. My cousin and her husband wonder why her sons are so disconnected from them as they have taken jobs in other states and have their own families and rarely see them. DUH! My gripe is when parents can afford to send their kids to college, I think they should pay for it. It is uncaring and unloving to take away opportunity from students of lesser financial mobility. It is greedy and evil in my opinion.

As a student, this is a topic that really gets me….
First if all, YOU CHOSE to have a child. It is YOUR responsibility to try to give them the best life they can get. If you raise your child right, they WONT be drop-out who sink of all of your money and leave you to foot the bill. Have some sense- just because Johnny and Sally’s son wasted their money and flunked doesn’t mean your child will.
There are many ways to safeguard your investment. First: raise them right. If you raise spoiled rotten kids- don’t be shocked when they take your money and run.
Personally, my mom is newly married with a husband, making enough to help- but won’t. “I’ll give you as much as I was given” If you are as selfish as that- just don’t have kids.
I am a HARD WORKING student. I’m still in high school, working on my AA. Ill have 2 years done at my community college by the time I’m 18. My boyfriend and I plan on getting our doctoral degrees…that costs a lot. Even though were attending a state university after going to CC. HIS father is going to help him. HE IS IN NO WAY “Spoiled” for that! His dad put him here, his dad is going to help. (His dads not a millionaire either)
So, HELP your kids. YOU put them here. MAKE them work, maintain a GPA and whatnot. Or, pay for their living expenses and let them worry about tuition and books. The things they can get scholarships for.
To say “I’m not going to help my kids” makes you a DEADBEAT. Those parents who don’t make much aren’t- they find other ways to help though. REFUSING makes you a deadbeat. Forcing thousands of debt on your child, when you don’t have to makes you a deadbeat.
Just try to help your kids…you put them here.
When my boyfriend and I get married and have A child (BECAUSE YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE MORE KIDS THAN YOU CAN AFFORD), we will tell them “Work, because we had to” whilst we are saving. When they finally graduate, and have found scholarships, we will tell them about the savings fund, and tell them “we will give you this money if you find a job, work 10-20 hours a week, and maintain at least a 3.4- send us the grades, we’ll send you they money”
THAT’S PARENTING, not this selfish stuff you guys are doing.

In theory, I understand the value of making your children pay for their own education. My problem lies with the manipulation of the federal government (and taxpayers) to do so. Joining the military is a fine way to do so. Taking advantage of “the system” is not.

My .02 cents.

I was a straight A student in HS, and a recruited athlete. I was recruited by both Ivy league schools ( didn’t offer scholarship) and Div 1 offered me full ride. My mother was earning about 90K a year ( early 1980’s) and she married a man( my 2nd step Dad who made about 3/4 of a million a year.

To make a long story short, after I signed a letter of intent at a Div 1 school for a full ride, she bragged to all her friends, then told me I had to apply for FA. The reason: so she could invest the money and earn a profit off of it. Her rationale: I owed her for my room and board for the previous 17 years of my life. I applied for FA fearing being thrown out of house summer before college ( I was a 17 year old girl) . The result: based on my Mom’s 90K income I was turned down for any aid. She was furious and said. ” WHAT ? if I spent this much money on your tuition ( the univ was 8K a year) I would have NOTHING LEFT” Meanwhile, my mom was going to NYC every weekend to be fitted by the furiur , buying art, antiques, and planning a
20K Bar Mitzfah for her new husband’s son . Fast forward 3 decades: I never married, had achild on my own and work 2 jobs to put him through private school and my Mom, she is on her 5th husband and none of her kids speak to her..

I’m a PhD student right now, but it was a long road. I worked full time (two part time jobs) and went to school full time as an undergrad, with no parental help. I hated that I wasn’t allowed to qualify as an independent student because of my age. My mom’s income was low enough that I received some small Pell grants, but my student loans just barely covered tuition. My grades suffered and getting scholarships wasn’t an option after my first year. I barely got into a masters program, but it wasn’t a big research institution by any means, and it was hell getting into any phd program with horrible undergrad grades. By some miracle I got into a PhD program but even now, it’s really difficult for me to not to be bitter towards other students that went to amazing schools, studied abroad, and in general had so many more opportunities.

As a divorced parent, I do not feel it is the parents job to continue to support a child after they graduate. It’s time they grew up and became responsible for themselves. I myself did not go to college, however, I’ve paid for my middle sons college for the first semester at Junior College, and will do so again the second semester, but after that I’m done. I had asked my son to get a part time job to help with his college expenses as the first semester was a thousand dollars. I had explained to him that I’d pay for half but he needed to pay the other half. I’ve got two younger children at home as well. I pay for my sons gas, car insurance, cell phone and purchase his clothing and food. I did not think him paying half would be so outrageous. Well, I suppose he thought it did as he plays video games all night and sleeps all day, didn’t really put forth an effort to find a part time job nor look for any grants or such. I wash his clothes, and have to get him up to go to school. So guess what, his meal ticket is about to come to a screeching halt… He’s going to get up one morning, the vehicle will not be there for his use, his cell phone will be cancelled, his UVerse in his room will be shut off and there will only be food that we like to eat, nothing special that he puts on the grocery list. So to all those whinning about it’s a parents job, that’s BS, it’s a two way street once you get out of school. That’s what is partially wrong with our society now a days, children think their parents owe them. That’s not the case!

I have to agree parent who can help out should. My mom doesn’t care to help me out but my dad provides as much money as he can to help me out. I’ll have to start taking out loans soon. But having that extra cushion helps. My uncle went to college and had to drop out because my grandparents couldn’t afford to help him they were scraping by as it was. The only reason my mom was able to graduate was because my dads parents helped pay her tuition once they got engaged as an early (2.5 year early) wedding present. I’m not saying a student shouldn’t work for spending money (I’m in the process of applying for a part time job now) but at least at my school and course load it’s a full time job especially at the University I’m at. (literally 50+ hours a week for me to keep up with classes homework and readings) I started college classes during high school to get my gen eds out of the way, I don’t party and I budget very tightly. If you really want your kids learn independence have them pay a percentage of their rent/food/upkeep each semester and slowly increase it each time. I understand college is a gift but isn’t your child worth the best gift you can give to them?

I was searching for some information on the norovirus and stumbled onto this website, and let me say it baffled me at how insanely stupid the premise is.

My children are 8 and 6, we do not save for their college, however, when they get to college age my wife (Pharmacist) and I (I am a pilot) will pay for their schooling with a couple of rules. We will pay if their education is for something Medical/Scientific/Engineering.

After that? You pay for it yourself.

I am not going to invest in their education, if it is to get anything from the Liberal Arts Buildings, the whole argument that you need to have a degree is a complete lie. You need a degree that is useful.

Best thing you can do, is get a technical “degree”, work your way up through a company, and end up needing college for further advancement later. Those situations, those companies pay for that, and they have a specific direction they want you to be in anyways, as well as the school they want you to attend quite often.

Think I am wrong?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXpwAOHJsxg

Hi… I’m not sure how this works but, I’m hoping to get an answer. Anytime in the near future would be appreciated.
I have a boyfriend that is out of college right now. Originally he had planed to go to Coppin State Uni. but…his mother kind of messed that up. She refused to apply for any loans until August; the same month he was supposed to leave. So, they day he was supposed to move in, they turned him away after he had all his things packed and in the car because his mother didn’t turn in all the necessary forms. Granted they took their money without letting them know before that date to turn the form in but they were also asked to come in during the week before that day. But she said she wasn’t going to make two trips in the same week. They live an hour away from the school.
Right now he is working and has applied to another school to go in for the Spring semester. But now his mother refuses to even pay the acceptance deposit. She refuses to take out any loans whatsoever and tells him to “start applying for scholarships” even though he keeps telling her that those are never guaranteed. We feel like she is acting this way because he apparently doesn’t help her out. Meaning he won’t give her any of is hard earned money from working at a minimum wage paying job because he is trying to save up what he can for college and at the same time, buy the necessary things he needs. She has a government job and gets paid about 80,000 a year. He should not be required to give her money for little things like gas money and groceries when she wont even give him a ride to work when he has to walk a mile in the rain or buy him dinner when she buys some for the rest of their household. His father is out of work and technically homeless and he lives with his mother and 3 other siblings. 2 in high school and 1 in elementary. So right now the only person he can rely on is his mother who won’t do anything to help. She expects him to get scholarships and the school to automatically give him money to pick up the slack. He needs to be declared as independent but it seems he doesn’t have much of a choice. He could try to talk to he all he wants but nothing gets through to her and she is determined not to help.
I really want him to get into college to get the future he wants but right now hes struggling. Is here anything else he can do??

Expensive college should be abolished. I vote for COLLEGE CREDIT BY EXAMINATION all the way through to earn a degree. So the exam will cost $25 per credit.

For a 3 unit course, the cost of the exam is $75.

60 units for an associate’s degree will cost $1500.
120 units for a Bachelor’s degree will cost $3000.

So, for $3000 worth of COLLEGE CREDIT BY EXAMINATION, a person earns his or her Bachelor’s degree. The graduate was self-taught all the way through. He could choose where to learn Calculus, Humanities, etc., tutor, library, by himself, etc. Then he takes the college credit by exam. Problem solved with high overrated expenses for college.

Really, public colleges do not prepare you for the job. The person’s ability to be self-taught prepares oneself for the job.

I can’t even call him a dead beat parent. I wish my parents’ status was at least half as good as his. Neither of my parents hardly worked and the whole family of mine lived off Welfare. I am the oldest of seven children, still trying to get by in my early 20s. Tried very hard to get a job, struggled in school and graduated high school. My parents couldn’t even help me with homework that’s pass the 2nd grade level! I was on my own doing the work. Trying to get help and teachers didn’t want to help me. Also I start attending after school classes, although that still didn’t help because I need to be assisted. I graduated high school with a 72% average. I tried! My parents weren’t very helpful either. But it was understanding because they never got pass 3rd grade. Now I understand what Lynn is saying about what Dan did because his children were under 24 and a dependent. He was wrong for forcefully pushing them out like that. Of course they can learn being on their own but it’s wrongfully by law. But man, I wish I had something half as good as his children. He’s doing this out of some jealousy of his children. Not necessary. :c

I don’t think deadbeat is the right word. Teaching your kid to pay their way though life and not freeloading on society, yeah that sounds like a deadbeat. Also you neglected to mention the tax break the parents of dependent students get (something like $1,500 for each dependent and $2,500 for each dependent college student). Yeah that’s a real burden on the taxpayers.

You also assume that by filling out the FAFSA as an independent, they will be getting the government to pay for most if not all of their college. What you didn’t consider was something called a SCHOLARSHIP (unless you assumed the kids weren’t smart enough or would rather take easy money from taxpayers). Also filling out the FAFSA allows them to be eligible for school aid which may or may not be taxpayer money.

Believe it or not, some parents can’t help pay for college. I know this doesn’t apply to this so called “deadbeat” but if a student wants to go to college, they will find a way to do so.

Feel free to leave your comments and corrections to my email jsrogers@ncsu. leave college solution in the subject. I don’t expect any replies though.